Married but celibate

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TheNightfly, May 14, 2019.

  1. positivef

    positivef Active Member

  2. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I know my physical health has been going in the shitter. And I think about that a lot


    • reported greater depressive symptoms, poorer quality of life, more mental- and physical-health diminished days, and lower health status.”
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2020
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  3. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    The family and I are up in the NC Mountains. Beds are small so I get my own. I like that. Was not really thinking of porn. The internet is shit anyways. I have to drop a ton of weight, like yesterday. Hopefully staying focused on something else can get me on track.
     
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  4. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Tired of being tired all the time really. Not enjoying life. I did enjoy just being physically close to my wife and wish we could kind of cuddle and fall asleep together. Guys in jail get more intimacy than me. Anyways I am excited to get my C Pap mchine tomorrow. I hope it works wonders! I need more energy!
     
  5. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I'd like to see you develop your relationship with your wife and have regular love-making with her. Do you think there's anything you can do to work on that?

    Your self-esteem is very low, too, it seems to me. And I think you're discouraged. I guess you can try prayer.

    Have you ever made a life plan to help you quit porn?

    Edit: Here's a website that links to support websites for people who have had brain tumours, which might have been you: https://braintumor.org/brain-tumor-information/finding-support-coping/
     
  6. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I feel like I want to be closer to my wife. I just don’t entertain any thought of looking. Flood gates would open. I should have low self esteem. I do not feel people should fool themselves into a high self esteem if they are not reaching any dream or goal. I think people are delusional that that do that. I’ll check out that site
     
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  7. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    It's a balance with self esteem. Not so low that you can't operate, but not so high you are delusional. If you are working toward a goal, be grateful for small steps.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2020
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  8. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I have been clean for a bit now. I know I can’t even take a peak or the damn will burst. I asked my wife to come hold me but it was at a bad time. It can’t be healthy to not have any physical contact. I wonder what are withdrawal symptoms. Fatigue? I want to eventually have that breakthrough people talk about. Is it a chicken or the egg? How do you replace the vice with something else if you just kind of feel depressed?
     
  9. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Still clean, it’s been a while. Trying to not think about it. I was tempted with some stressors. My going on 18 year old son is giving us absolute hell. He will put my wife in the grave. Sneaking out at 3 am, found couple of cases of white claw in his room. The deal is he can get his car back when he sees a counselor. That boy does not give I’ll a fuck about anything. Wish she had a really good friend to talk to you. He totally refuses to go to counseling under any circumstances. He will tell me to suck my dick same with my wife He will tell me to suck my dick same with my wife We have a fucked up family
     
  10. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Well I have been a bad little boy. I think several factors wear on me. Zero intimacy in my life. A dislike for my wife and a need to fill the loneliness and emptiness inside myself. I can’t remember the last time I have felt close or intimate with anyone. I actually don’t think I ever have been in love. A counselor told me if I was in love I would know. It pains me to say I don’t think I ever have. If I ever have it did not last and it was not my wife. I pray she never knows this.
     
  11. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I just happened to watch a video about fat loss. It talks about detox from things like diet soda. I dink that and I’m fat. Addicted to porn. My life sucks and I’m miserable. My wife stresses me out so much. My kids are a mess and we have this new Australian Shepard that my daughter wanted. It is such a pain in the ass. I have to watch it constantly like a baby. I hate it. We already had babies Turing me down now I have another one that is a terror.
     
  12. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Man, this is hard. Like that stuff is my only friend. My only solace. I have to do it so I can be the best me. Like kick ass, be noticed and draw all the attention from the other Moms.
     
  13. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I don't have a wife or children like you do, but I do think that misery is one of the worst things you can do for porn addiction.

    I think you could benefit from reading TheUnderdog's My Thoughts on Rebooting post where he talks about how making a Life Plan is a key antidote to porn. Can you make a life plan to make a more ideal life for yourself? Can you get your wife on board? I'm not sure how old your children are, but maybe after you talk to your wife you can talk to them, too.
     
  14. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member


    Thanks, that makes a lot of sense. More so than a lot I have read.
     
  15. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I have knocked off the PMO but have been feeling depressed and tired. Probably need more sleep. I wish I was able to cry. I can’t remember the last time I did, like this century. I remember it felt good when I was younger. I need that release.
     
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  16. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I have a lot of anger and resentment. My wife who always has something wrong now did something to her back where she is more or less incapacitated. Yesterday I had a Lotta anger. We have this Australian Shepherd that I don’t like that needs so much attention. It has cost us so much money and medical bills. I know a trigger for me as feeling that I have no ability to really change things. It is only 11:49 in the morning and I am doing OK. Then again I have yet to deal with my wife and family. It would be nice to have an orgasm. If my wife took her clothes off in front of me it would take me breath away as she is probably 330 pounds.
     
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2020
  17. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Feel real depressed today. Just tired and going through the motions. I certainly am not meeting the expectations I set for myself via the link above. This is hard especially when I don’t like my wife, would like to have her pleasure me. Her spending habits make me sick
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2020
  18. breath

    breath Active Member

    You know you complain exclusively and, don't even seem to try to focus on what you do have, and what you could have. Ask yourself what you are thankful for and build on that. A lot of guys would rekindle, and court your wife if they were married and in your position and they would end up doing you know what with her. Our tastes are influenced by society, porn etc.... but there are porn clips of 'fat' women and though i don't have a particular taste sometimes when I have watched porn Ill go for something different and I suddenly see the attraction many guys have.... Once your dick is tunnelling inside her you two will get one with each other, one with the universe.. Also try reading a book with her... read together. make 5 minutes a day read aloud in bed... Try something super positive and well written... Eckhart Tolle books will inspire . If I was with your wife I'd kindle the fire and and then feel the heat with her
     
  19. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I want to have a daily diary. I need to be re reminded over and over what my life can be like. I have prayed here and there when I needed some peace. I know a trigger is when I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I want to see the light. Circumstances may not be ideal but they never are. It seems like I can be manic depressive. This year my wife has been cooking. She never did in our marriage. I know I am beyond burned out on it. I used to like to cook. She bought this system where she preps on Sunday and we have different meals throughout the week. It’s great but she does not think I appreciate it. I still am the same grouchy bitter man. I go to get my brain tumor checked on soon. You would think that I would really seize the day every time it has not grown. Not me though. It’s a new day and I need to take small periods of time to get on my knees and try to draw closer to Jesus or Mary.
     
  20. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Prayer helps me too, though it helps to think through and plan my prayers to make sure that I think I'm in good with God and that I'm praying for the right things and that I'm prepared for it to be answered. You can journal if you want to. Were you thinking of doing it on paper?
     

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