Married but celibate

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TheNightfly, May 14, 2019.

  1. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I get overwhelmed. I am at my folks place holed up here. I have looked at pictures. I certainly don’t see myself acting out while I am here. The shower doesn’t even work. I did go to gym right after I dropped off my daughter at school. I have to go back tomorrow as I quit today in self disgust.
  2. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    The gym should help, how long are you at your parents place?
  3. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Going on week 2 now. Last week. It is so much less stress without my wife.
    positivef likes this.
  4. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I am off the rails a bit. Stressed out the wife and kids are home now 24/7. My wife is totally panicking.
  5. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Hi Nightfly,

    Stick with it. I am usually laid back, probably to the annoyance of other people, but even I am slightly edgy about this. You have specific reason to be more concerned than me but that is not justification for either of us to act out.

    Peace and every good
    Boxer17, axebattler and positivef like this.
  6. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Yesterday I PMO. I can have excuses (stress of being cooped up with everyone home, out of a medication that made me just want to do literally nothing). I got the med last night and feel better. I am not making promises, just one day at a time. I can’t believe the kids will be home for months. Crazy times.
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Yes it is. Everything feels like it's upside down
  8. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Well I’m off the wagon. It’s like I don’t care. Shameful.
  9. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    But you obviously do care, or you wouldn't be here.

    Welcome back!
    Boxer17, Merton and Saville like this.
  10. Rebel

    Rebel Active Member

    Really sorry to hear that man.

    But there is something that may be interesting here. We know that porn "damages" the prefrontal cortex of the frontal lobe just like smoking damages the lung. What if porn causes frontal lobe tumors????? That would be a game changer.

    If you could tell us more info ,it would be very helpful. This could change everything.
    Could you answer those, please?

    For how many years and when have you started watching porn?
    Did you just watch porn or also masturbated?
    How often did you watch porn +/-masturbate?
    Which porn categories did you watch?
    At which age did you get the tumors and when were you diagnosed?
    Which areas of the frontal lobe were the primary site of the tumor?the PFC?
    It would be extremely helpful if you could post any imaging investigation (CT/MRI etc) .
    What was the tumor type? Was it Glioblastoma? Was it malignant?
    Which type of treatment did you receive for the tumors (surgery/radio?).
    Have you become more impulsive after you got the tumors? As the frontal lobe is involved in the mechanism of will power.
    Did you have any other addictions?

    I am very sorry for what happened to you Nightfly. But imagine if we could somehow establish a theory that porn may increase the chances of getting a frontal lobe tumor. That would be a great win against the porn industry. You could answer the questions if you want, that would really help us all.
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2020
  11. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Last edited: Apr 13, 2020
    Rebel likes this.
  12. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Having part of your right frontal lobe removed is harsh. It also explains a lot of difficulty quitting internet porn (if my knowledge of brains and internet porn addiction is correct). Have you ever gotten advice from your doctors, or a group somewhere, or anyone, on how to live and cope with part of a frontal lobe removed? If not, I'd try looking it up on the WWW. I think that something to do with this may be making quitting porn impossible for you. (Edit: I wish I hadn't said impossible, I just mean difficult.)
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2020
  13. Rebel

    Rebel Active Member

    Thanks for sharing, Nightfily.

    No you're not fucked up. I don't think you are. Life is just hard man, on all of us.
  14. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Well, Drs. Said I just need to accept the new me. I did have a good counselor to talk to. After so many months he said “I don’t think I can help you anymore. I am not qualified to deal with what you have”. I did quit this stuff for just over three months. I was thinking that I like it if the woman makes eye contact. I have zero intimacy with anyone in my life. I’m old enough to know that sometimes people’s lives are not what they wanted them to be. There were times that I had an MRI and I hoped the tumor would grow back so I could just go away and die. This does fucking suck. I’m angry. After I had the first operation I went to a group for like survivors or something. I just heard sad stories and it was a whine fest. Honestly I wish I could just cry. It must have been 20 years since I cried. I know it would do me good.
    axebattler and nuclpow like this.
  15. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    Would it help to put a sad movie on TV and give yourself permission to cry? Honestly, it seems like you've been through quiet a lot. Brain surgery on the right frontal lobe is no joke. At least you can stop being hard on yourself.

    Thank you for telling me that you did get advice from doctors and did try a support group.

    Does your condition make it hard for you to take initiative for yourself? I'm wondering if that's the case.

    Do you have filtering on all your devices? That's a big part of what helps me.

    Have you read TheUnderdog's long post on rebooting? It's another thing that's helped me. I even think it's the basis for my current success. Do you have a life plan? Are you working on it?

    I hope any of that helps.
  16. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Well I had a birthday the other day. I swear I think ai have seen everything on the internet that I like. I think I just want to be happy so I am starting over. I need to work on myself. I can’t make any promises. WhenI feel overwhelmed or bitched out by my wife I just want to PMO. I can’t blame PMO for everything but I certainly do feel like I am just wasting my life away. I know what I need it’s just a matter of discipline and putting it into action. I feel bad about saying this but I often hate my wife.
  17. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I wish I had some answers for you sir.
    But just want to say I hear your cry.
  18. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    Meh, you know It may be a fallacy that everyone has to be happy. I mean I am happy sometimes and sometimes not. Even though I’m older I know that I don’t know who I am. I think that is scary. I’m alive and it has finally stopped raining so that is good
  19. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Active Member

    I have been off the wagon since April 1st. I was doing what I thought was well. Had sex with my wife which is rare-like once every 18 months at best (only been married 19 years). I have been languishing, tired, unmotivated. I googled benefits if quitting porn. I was reminded how much of a slugIt can make you. Holy Spirit, be with me in this journey. I need Jesus to walk with me. I feel so alone I need you as much as ever
    Boxer17, nuclpow and positivef like this.
  20. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Yes, Jesus ! But you must start to help yourself and you're not alone ever. We are with you as is God you can do it.
    Boxer17, TheNightfly and nuclpow like this.

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