Married but celibate

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by TheNightfly, May 14, 2019.

  1. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Well I haven’t jacked off the longest time ever. I just want to have an orgasm. Unfortunately my wife is not up to it and I’m not really that interested in her. What is a boy to do?
     
  2. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Hang in there. The pmo addict will try all way s to mess you up.
     
  3. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    I see that. My wife is a fucking mess and I shouldn’t expect her to lift a finger around here. I don’t want to be on here saying the same stuff over and over. I have to remember what I can fill my life up with. You have a big hole when you go clean. In time and emotionally.
     
    NCBob likes this.
  4. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    It's easy to look at having a big hole when you go clean, TheNightfly. Another way to look at is is in having a BIG opportunity. As in investing more of your time and energy in that which you are passionate about. While it may take some time to get clear as to what this may be (and maybe you already know), your passions will not reach out and grab on to you the same way you might grab your putz:D, rather, you will need to reach out and grab them. Writing and guitar playing have been wonderful ways for me to redirect my energy, and have been lifesavers in my recovery process:)
     
    positivef likes this.
  5. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    I concur with what NCBob says. 'A big hole' makes it sound like you are missing out on something, which is entirely the wrong way to frame it. It's more like taking weight off your shoulders; so you can move more freely.
     
  6. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Thanks, Appreciate the feedback. I have been peeking at clothes but very cannily clad women. Have to give that up for Lent now
     
    positivef likes this.
  7. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    I’m fucking depressed. It just came on hard today. Jesus
     
  8. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Hang in there. Part of the depression could be your brain subconsciously trying to get you to use again. Do you have a plan for dealing with depression?
     
  9. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    A plan for dealing with depression? Hmm, I usually eat the whole house. I texted my wife that I was tired early and not feeling great. Kind of achey. She was away at my sons game out of town late. She asked what’s wrong and asked if it was sex. I said in part but it’s also that we have to move out for 2 weeks Monday and it is stressful thinking about all the shit I have to do before we move out. Sad that I am overwhelmed and overweight. I did tell her that I miss the soft caress of a woman. Now this was all through text while she was at Denny’s eating with her Mom. A face to face conversation like this would turn into a whole shit show.
     
  10. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    I slept great and that really helps me. The wife was nice to me this morning. She is out with her Mom again all morning and early afternoon. I just hope she doesn’t come home and expect everything to be done. I think she expects me to paint two bedrooms and pack up everything for when we move out
     
  11. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    It's good that your wife is considering what is wrong, sounds like she is open to working on improving your relationship. You may need to talk to each other about what you want and expect out of it.

    Comfort eating isn't as good as say exercising to deal with depression, but it's better than relapsing.

    Your can't expect you to do to an unrealistic amount of work. How much you can do is also dependant on mental health. Tell her what you are likely to achieve, anything else is a bonus.
     
  12. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    You should definitely get back into working out, IMO. Exercise makes us feel better about ourselves naturally - consistency is key.

    So you used to draw/paint? I've tried dabbling with oils and found it enjoyable but also rather difficult.
     
    positivef likes this.
  13. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    I think porn was/is my go to drug in times of anxiety, boredom, a replacement for the lack of any intimacy in my life. If I was single I could get laid, but I never felt close to anyone, ever.
     
  14. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Right, it can definitely be a coping drug. But as Forlorn mention, getting into better routines and habits is the trick.
     
  15. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Man we have so much work that needs to be done by tomorrow morning it is not even funny. Wife and I don’t work well together. I could really use a bj right now.
     
  16. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Ha, I just got laid. I was saying how I was overwhelmed and she mentioned it and writhing a couple minutes, no time to overthink, I did doggy styke. It has been so long. She is on a new diabetic med so she wasn’t sick. Thank God. Balls drained. Been since 12/31/19
     
  17. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Well o way I’m out of the woods yet. Wife is gone and that just sort of opened up my primitive side. Need to finish getting ready.
     
  18. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    How come your counter is reset, I wouldn't class sex a relapse.
     
  19. TheNightfly

    TheNightfly Member

    Yeah, I messed up. I felt like I accomplished something but was still stressed getting the house ready. I am at my folks with my daughter as we get our floors done. Wife is at her mom with my son. I gotta say it is nice. I’m bored which can get me into trouble. I can’t let my guard down here.
     
  20. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    It seems that stress could be a trigger for you? However, your wife should put unrealistic expectations on you.
     

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