Regarding talking to your wife, I guess it's best to work on self improvement; perhaps to counter balance he domineering. Do you think a part time job would help? Perhaps the abstaining part of your brain was showing up in the pornstar's rebuff.
I certainly can be out of the house more. I keep telling myself I need to get back into art as well as working out which give me a sense of pride in purpose. I know she does love me even though she is hard. She even encourage me to get this hairpiece that I just had put on which is crazy for me. I am doing well not looking at anything. However, I could see myself being easily swayed by another woman if it presented itself. My exposure that people usually have through work is nonexistent so I don’t have a lot of access socially
It's good there is love between you and your wife deep down. I wouldn't worry too much about hypothetical situations. Well done on not in looking. What kind of art do you do?
I do not (she would die) that I truly live her. I talked to a counselor a few years ago about love. He was like if you have ever been in love you would know. I don’t think I ever have. Maybe with a girlfriend when I was young. I may have gotten married because she went after me with a vengeance and I made poor decisions. I guess I was lonely coming off a relationship. I draw and have done painting. I told my brother in law last night I haven jacked it since New years eve and he didn’t believe me. He asked me what is my end game. Really don’t want sex that bad right now.
I guess love is different for everyone though. It must be hard to maintain romance in very long term relationships, the longest I've managed is seven years. The end game or journey is surely a better you - not just not masturbating but making other changes too. I've found the wrong aspects are anger and depression.
Yes, brain tumor surgery frontal lobe. Fucks with a lot. I am not what I used to be. It hurts motivation, memory, loss of an ability to relate with others among other symptoms. My wife said she has been married to 3 different husbands. The one she married that was more laid back and happy and then 2 other ones after the 2 other surgeries chemo and radiation. I am “stable” but my brain is aging faster than normal. I may blame my wife for a lot but I’m no picnic. I have to better myself because I don’t like who I am right now. I weighed myself and was disgusted and had an urge to jack off but that went away. Even though I am with my wife at home (she’s on heated conference calls most of the day) I am alone. I hate to go there and even type it out but it would have been way easier to have died on the operating table 17 years ago. Living is kind of a bitch.
It's funny how depression stops you seeing any good in your life. This morning I ended up giving in and masturbating (not to porn), so you are doing better than me. It's also funny how in the moment you think thinking of tits will somehow help or bring relief, avoiding actually making the necessary changes. But it only wastes time and brings more pain. Easier isn't necessarily better, we have to keep on fighting.
I may not be good at a lot of stuff but I have kind of forgotten about my streak. I did visualize what it would be like to have intercourse with so and so. Even that feels like I am getting too close to t he sun. I thought today I am mostly all negative. Tired of being negative.
If we keep working of the positive the negative is supposed to reduce. Struggling so much today. I keep having urges to masturbates and reminding myself to stop.
Have a good dream. There is a street with one child, tall large breasts. In age I was going away with her and she was really into me. She even showed me her tits. We had to go to a formal party, like at the Rockefeller’s so I needed to dress up. I think I need to get myself up to my own standards. I am a very good looking guy and I used to just be able to put a t shirt on and look good. I need to better myself with my fitness where I can be comfortable in my own skin. After my first brain surgery I worked hard to get in shape. I could run to the neighbors Mailbox at first and eventually 2 mailboxes. And so on. I am a sleeping giant.
Ugh, I can’t stand my family. All they do is argue meaningless bullshit. They are too dumb to know anything in the first place. I had to be in a car with them today and I was miserable. I could use a piece of ass on the side. I would really like to jack it today.
Good dream, but still thinking sexually. Stay strong. I find exercise is one of the best ways to stay on course, when I actually do some!
My wife has high blood sugar, blood pressure and her thyroid is off. She feels bad all the time. She pretty much is incapacitated. I am bitter about it.
Social media can be a trigger for me. I tend to use them a little as possible, especial profile based ones such as FB.
