I’m going up today to see if there has been any growth on my brain tumor. I had a surgery and all three and 09 and it’s been like you know 19 years. I say I don’t worry but I probably do. I just don’t want to talk and be bothered with anything. Away fast if I’m worried I said I’m not sure I feel like I’m dead just walking around in my life. Everyone but me will celebrate the good news that I probably should get tomorrow morning. It’s kind of sad but like this is the only time we go away with each other at all. Some people go away for a weekend or get away is going to a large hospital and staying overnight and some Hilton. We are simple we will eat somewhere tonight and probably grab somewhere on the way back for a nice lunch. Even though I get sick of my wife even looking at her she really is more understanding this time. She asked me if I want to talk I say no and I really don’t and I appreciate her just give me space
Tough situation. But no matter the news tomorrow, a relapse of PMO will only make it worse. All the best.
No change on the brain. I was just laying here tired and thinking I don’t like reality. Reality is with the day-to-day humdrum boring laborious overwhelming. But I did learn is to break stuff up into little groups. Talking about projects that seem too bad to even start. When is cleaning the garage which I have done some good work on already since I have been back. As for reality escape can be TV just on my phone or sleep which I just woke up from.
Well I find that being busy helps. Sometimes I am on a big project and turn around and realize there is something above my ability. I was to go PMO. Wife didn’t want to have sex today. I swear if I channel all my energy up of frustration I can do anything. That is a huge if
I feel like shit this weekend. Not sure it was food poisoning but that’s besides the point. I am back to daily faps. I convince myself it is an escape (it is in a way) that I deserve some pleasure (don’t want it from my huge wife). I do feel like I’ve lost an edge. Edge of my personality and will. It hurts my mojo. Enough of this bullshit. I’m tired of being tired
Yes, that's all it is, an escape. It's a bit of time where we can get away from the mundane of life. It's hard, but we have to find better replacements. You can do it!
So I have been pure for a while. I read how good peoples life are after giving it up. I don’t even look, that would be the end. Feeling unmotivated and depressed,
