when i PMO it makes me feel different. like i'm different from other men. less than. that i have a dirty secret and am not a real man. that i am deficient in some way. broken. definitely not happy. just going through the motions of life. not real. resentful and with short tolerance for other people's minor mistakes. no patience. this is and more horrible feelings are what the smut i indulge in make me feel. but it is not real just like the filth i watch on those degenerate screens. hang in there. day by day we heal. some days are more healing than others. never give up before the miracle. praying for you.