Married but adict to gay porn

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Sebs, Jul 5, 2021.

  1. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Hi, i think this is a long story but i think you can help me...im married to a ni e woman and have kids, but i visited gay porn pages and make adict...dont know why....i hope you dont judge me for this because im atracted to gay porn...
     
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I would start with a lot of questions:
    • What kind of help do you want? And why?
    • What do you value? Do you value your relationship with your wife especially, and also your kids? Do you want to preserve that?
    • What is your motivation for coming on the forum?
    I don't say this to cast doubt but rather to encourage you. It's a positive step forward coming on the forum. I think it's good to take an honest look at your motivations for wanting to deal with the addiction. Look at the "why" first then look at the "how".
     
  3. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Hi thanks for your quest...i was raped when i was a kid...so i think that this event hit my life...i try to move on so i married and make a family...they are very important to me...they are my home and ofcourse i value them but i think im bisexual for that event when i was a kid....im here to find help for my PMO adiction, bicouse when im sad or angry with my wife i onli want to go back...so thats the reason im here. Have a nice day
     
  4. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Im afraid im gay person??? What happen to me if i like see naked men doin it??? Its hard to me this...dont have answers but i stay clean of watching gay porn for 8 days...i hope stay clean.
     
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Hey Sebs. Thanks for opening up. I see it differently and it's an unpopular opinion. But I think many people experience some level of same sex attraction. Doesn't mean you're gay. You said it yourself, for your particular case it goes back to this severe traumatic experience, not necessarily back to your birth. Of course each person needs to find their own way with this. Your experience arrested something of your development as a person and you are now coming to terms with it. It may be that you are looking for positive male relationships but somewhere inside you, in your mind and emotions, there is a mix-up between positive uplifting connection with other men - father, brothers, friends - and a sexual relationship. Porn, as we know, is not a good example of real loving relationships with a positive, uplifting, emotional connection with another human being. This includes gay porn. So I'm glad you're abstaining. You can do it, for your family you treasure, and for your well-being, to live free of the addiction. Go for it!
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  6. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks!!! I failed...i talk to a spain man who dont care what os he doing...he ask me to see him naked and i accepted but dident cum...so talk to him and ask if he dont feel shame or sad or guilt...he said no, im happy doing this...so...i think talking to hom was a mistake...but i didnt watch gay porn...see him naked...dont know...its very hard...
     
  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I don't think it's really about whether a person feels shame or guilt, many wouldn't. It's about deciding how you want to build your life. Where do your values come from? I am a Christian so that shapes a lot of what I value and believe. I believe and have experienced, and seen others who have experienced, that when we do it God's way we are more the person we were made to be and are more fulfilled. It works for me and I'd recommend it to anyone, but you have to figure out how you want to move forward from here. I'd say if that experience left you confused and full of doubt rather stay away from that guy and situations like that.

    I hope you can work it out man, strength to you
     
  8. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks Rudolf, im catholic, belong to The comunities of the Neocatechumenal way...have brothera that know my situation but not this gay adiction...friday hope to talk with a brother so...yesterday i activate the Skype app and chat with this men...i got horny at the moment, so i can tell that my brain is very confused...yesterday i have sex with my wife and erection wasnt that easy...so i keep on. Have a nice day.
     
  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Right, so, the Bible tells us the heart is deceitful above all else. We have deep rooted issues and convictions and we can't always believe how we feel about ourselves, God knows us better than we know ourselves because He created us, so we ought to go along with what He requires of us in our actions. When we go with what He says, we flourish, we become more the people we were created to be, even if it's hard, we end up more fulfilled and joyful. This for me clears up the confusion around my sexual orientation. Some really battle with same-sex attraction, I battle with lust and laziness, we all have things that we might go with that are not helpful for our flourishing as people, in God's eyes, so we are all in the same boat, we need to see his standards are right and go with that. But if you're like me, we find ourselves absolutely incapable of making the right choices.

    So how do we get this right? This is the gospel as I believe it: God made the world good, we turned against the good God and His ways, this makes us His enemies. Yet in love He sent Christ to bear the penalty we deserved, so that when we acknowledge we can't fix ourselves, and trust in Him to save us, He welcomes us as His children, and He begins a process in us of enabling us to overcome sin. Jesus spoke of being "born again". Paul spoke of us being "new creations, the old has passed away." So we are all on this journey of becoming more like the ultimate man, more Christ-like.

    So again I believe you are on a good path by signing up for the forum, opening up for accountability. People on the forum have found so many reasons to abstain from porn, be it straight or gay porn or unfaithful relationships. I believe having God in the picture gives us all the more reason - and He promises to help us. You can do it man.

    I hope some of this might be helpful and that it goes well with you. I have found when I am on a good streak and don't have the "porn haze" I have much better intimate times with my wife, I think you'll get there too.
     
  10. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks brother, i really thank your words...god will help me, i know he loves us a lot and know that if y stay in gisbarmas i can reborn....have a good day!
     

Share This Page