Mapping New Territories

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by NewTerritories, Jul 29, 2012.

  1. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Last night I made this

    New superior spreadsheet format!


    Solution to the loneliness problem: now suspecting I got my OKCupid and Tinder decision the wrong way round. I deactivated my OKCupid account, kept using Tinder. Well, trying to use Tinder. Dead! No matches any more. I'll go and delete my non-responding matches now...

    Ah, got one match just now. Just one pic and no bio.

    I got more interaction from OKCupid. Because I can just message people out of the blue. Sometimes they reply! What a crazy world.

    Equal number of dates though. Just one from each service, heh.

    In the long run I want to delete both. What's the delay? They... are easy.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2017
  2. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    I've heard a lot of stuff about Tinder. I never really got into it, because I heard that it really wasn't all that, to be honest.
  3. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Tinder isn't great. It's only somewhat worthwhile where there's a lot of people on it. So, cities. It's stupidly easy to use. This is a positive and a negative. People are lazy with their profiles. And their conversations. I will delete it... on Monday Morning. Unless some matches come up. No more swiping after tomorrow.

    Then I wait before I reopen my OKCupid account... wait till I get lonely again I guess.

    Meeting people takes a lot of energy. I know what to do. Use for some non-technology meetup...
  4. Mr. Tony

    Mr. Tony Life is like a game of chess.

    I've heard some good things about I may start an account for that.
  5. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Note to self: no good comes of trying arrange meetings with random internet sluts.
  6. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Been a while since my last update. Mostly successfully porn-free for 4 days!

    But the recent porn choice had been webcams.

    Went on a few dates, it's like I'm a real human bean or something (all first dates, all nopes).

    I've been working out. Feeling more body-positive. (I'm skinny.)

    Work is good. And doing quite a bit of writing.

    I need friends. My internet friends who I've 'hang out' with for years are... not exactly winners. I tried reaching out to the one who happens to live closest to me to get him on the self-development train with me, to become more of a man. He's my age. But he wasn't interested. Says he's happy to be single forever. I'm not giving up on him, though! We can work together in other ways.

    But I need to associate with other people. Specifically, men of accomplishment. Maybe even just online, as a regular blogger and commenter...

    Meetup would be good for finding collaborators on technical projects. Or writing. And who knows what else?

    I recognise all this, but I'm still inclined to solitude most of the time. Out of habit, or laziness. Then sometimes, I feel lonely. I don't want to watch anything on Netflix unless I can do it with someone...

    Doc Love says no dating new girls until Christmas is over. The festive season brings too many distractions. Family is where I'll focus on for now.
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
  7. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

  8. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Ethical Porn For Dicks

    I posted a reply to this thread about so-called ethical porn and a purported healthier approach to the subject.

    I intend to read the book... With a critical but open minded mindset.

    I'm away from home now, visiting family. Out of my normal routine. So, no porn at all for a few days. Been idly browsing dating site profiles... But it's not the right time for that. Need to wait till holiday season is done.

    Tempted to install tinder or similar... Bumble might have cool new features now which I haven't seen for a while.
  9. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Installed bumble instead of tinder. Same as it ever was. Swiped through all the nearby profiles... just realised I could see more by expanding my range in the settings. I need to carefully consider my approach here.

    Day 6 porn-free and MO-free. Cause I've been away, here at parents place. But day 2 of wet dreams. Damn annoying. Maybe my fault for reading smutty stories like that article about some girl's slutty way of dealing with the fact that Trump won. I read it for the lols, but also, yes, for the sexual aspect.

    So I'll avoid that sort of stuff. I have enough privacy at night but I'm sticking to basic abstinence.

    Messaged some girls on okCupid.

    Avoided communication with a family member...

    Writing is still joyful.
  10. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Started talking with a girl on bumble. Sadly she's miles away...

    Wet dream for the 3rd night in a row. I remember the dream content, it was about a specific category of porn I used to collect. Finding it online and jerking off.

    I used to take wet dreams as a temptation to MO, usually with porn. Because that seemed to stop them. This time, I'm just waiting it out. I'll try to use it as a dream sign to get a lucid dream!

    The fact that porn dreams have become much more common than sex dreams is one effect I'm trying to fix. Almost certainly a symptom of lifestyle choices and experience: lots of porn, lack of sex. At least before, I had sex dreams. But losing those probably hurt my self-image, and contributed to a lack of even trying to seek sexual relationships until my late 20s. And therefore, feeding into the cycle this way, leading me to seek sexual gratification the easy way, more porn.

    So I'm interpreting the meaning of the porno wet dream in the opposite way that I used to. As an extra reason to stay off the porn.

    Going back to bed.
  11. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    I've been sick. Vomiting and liquid poop. And pain... Tumbling around in bed, feeling like parts of myself were fighting... Somewhat better this morning. Being sick and pmo have a connection for me. It's often meant that I took the day off work and spent it on porn.

    Felt a temptation this morning to check for new content on an old favourite porn site. A curiousity. It's been a while. But would I benefit from knowing? I'll either see new faces or old ones. Either interesting genres and scenes, or ones that don't really appeal. And get reminded of the old ones I enjoyed. In all cases, I've seen the substance of what's there before. It's nothing new to learn. It'll just be fresh stimulation for masturbation purposes.

    Also got an idea of finding a girlfriend or sex friend to act out porny scenarios. Might be a good idea, might be a terrible way to ruin a relationship...

    My head hurts. I heard orgasm has a pain relief effect. Would that be preferable to drugs? Who knows. Drugs will be easier to clean up after.

    Time to have some breakfast pharmaceuticals.
  12. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    I succumbed to temptation. Checked out the latest stuff from that site. Found... Nothing of value. Quality has gone downhill.
    Also checked my receipts for amateur stuff I ordered through cam sites. Videos. Some of the links are dead. Why haven't I deleted them all? Because they seem like a better alternative to professional videos, maybe. I should dump them because... I should never have paid for them anyway.

    Gone now.

    I installed Tinder again. And I'm messaging girls on OKCupid. Not letting my thirst make me do dumb stuff... at least, not yet.
  13. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

  14. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    I read more of the preview for that Ethical Porn for Dicks by David Ley. Conclusion: It's ideological trash, I'm not going to read any more.


    Ecclesiastes 1:8:
    Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.
    Paul Solomon was a pretty smart guy. Human desires, pursued without restraint, aren't ever satisfied. It's just not in our biology. Why would it be? There's always another cavelady that an alpha male can impregnate.


    Feeling weak, body aching. Still overcoming the sickness. It will be good to get back in the gym.


    Some lightness from the twittersphere:

    >All WNs must commit to #NoFap2017.
    >Jews want u to waste your seed on degenerate hentai. Instead find a qt Aryan, impregnate her forthwith.

    I ain't even white, lol.
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2017
  15. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    I spent a while last night fantasising. About a girl I messaged on OKCupid, about starting an improbable pornified utopian sexual relationship with her.

    I should try to talk to her again maybe.


    Looked back at our messages and nah, I shouldn't talk to her ever again.

    Messaged another girl, to restart a conversation. Rejected. My lack of genuine interest was detected.

    I should spend less time and energy on the site. Maybe tinder is the correct option for now. I'll use them for a limited amount of time. Evenings only on weekdays. 15 minutes is really enough, to flick through a few profiles. Or peruse one. It is decided!

    The girl was right. I wasn't interested in her. Or anyone else.

    I still need to decide exactly what I think about casual sex. That means, writing it down. That'll decide whether i go all in on tinder or delete it once and for all, perhaps?
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2017
  16. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Here's a video. It's a sort of comedy fake ad (commercial) for bizarre virtual reality porn. It's probably not going to be triggering because of how unrealistic and ugly it is.

    Why am I posting this weird shit here? Because I think we can learn something from it. We can watch this and not be aroused. Rather, it's amusing, laughable. The scenarios depicted in the video aren't even recognisable as sex. But we can imagine a person who would be an obsessive consumer of such bizarre fantasies. From a certain perspective, they are perhaps pitiful. Maybe even contemptible. Maybe we wanna reach out and help him!

    Similarly, we can look to the higher, rational part of our psyche that sees our favourite type of porn as the emptiness and absurdity it is. And looks at the porn-addict within with... maybe a kindly, helpful wise advisor. Maybe sometimes with more of an attitude of: we need to give him a kick in the ass. Out of love, of course.


    The appropriate function of sex drive is: pursuing and having sex. Porn isn't sex, it's an illusion of sex. Rationally, we can clearly see this. Sex isn't made of pixels. It's made of two people brought together under the right circumstances.

    But porn sneaks past the rational mind, its images directly stimulate the limbic system. Thus the need to avoid contact with those images, if we don't want them to hijack our sex drive.

    But we've already looked, we've grabbed and tasted the forbidden fruit! Now it's not just those external images we need to contend with. It's the images within! Yes, our own mental images, which come to us unbidden, have been turned against us. The enemy has a stronghold in the home base.

    This is not a cause for hopelessness. Mental images are usually much weaker than external ones. (The exception being dreams and hallucinations.) They are less stimulating. That's why we haven't been fapping to those. They remind us to go look for actual porn to fap to.

    They don't control us. We choose our actions. We self-reflect and direct deliberate changes of habits. We fall and get back up again. Mental images come and go. They are echoes, they tend to get weaker after the external stimulus is taken away.

    So yeah, the point is to redirect that sexual energy into building an authentic life, including creating the proper conditions for the way healthy human beings have sex. Which means trying my best to figure out exactly what those are. Some uncertainty will always remain, inevitably. So I can't let that hold me back from taking action.

    #NoFap2017 isn't really about not fapping. It's about living to the full.


    Edit: fix video link.
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2018
    TelekineticOwl likes this.
  17. TelekineticOwl

    TelekineticOwl New Member

    You def went against the grain posting that, ahah. But, I like it because I think people need to get shocked into looking at their addiction more closely. Like a mild racist being given a tour of the concetration camp to REALLY grasp the meaning behind their words.

    It's an offputting video, but you are 100% right: we've all become dependent on absurdity. Even vanilla porn is absurd. I remember just 6 months ago I was watching one video... the bad acting... the women getting oral whie doing handstands... the fact everyone has a large ass. It made me realize "porn isn't real sex... it's circus sex." Is a lumberjack who juggles chainsaws really that better at cutting trees than the one who can't? NO, it's a circus show act.

    I've even read about personal accounts where people have dated high profile porn stars who have ZERO interest in personal sex as a result of all the acting they do.

    I'm with you on everything you said man. It's not the year of abstienence. It's the year we shake things up!

    ALSO, real interesting point you made about internal images vs external images. I never really realized how weak they are unless they are like dreams or hallucinations.
    NewTerritories likes this.
  18. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    Glad you got something out of it!

    Vanilla porn is absurd, and let's take it even further. Let's clearly see the absurdity in softcore porn photos. Again, pixels on a screen. Or ink on paper. Inanimate, dead objects stimulating our senses.

    And sexual images used in advertising. In certain contexts, a cause for concern. But we can realise the dumb trick they're trying to play on us, in order to sell us a car or a beer or whatever, and laugh at it. It's an absurd situation.

    Here's an important resolution, We won't get fooled again.

    TelekineticOwl likes this.
  19. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    I broke a resolution, but not the main one. Still going strong on NoFap2017.

    It was the one to strictly limit my usage of dating apps: I did a small amount of browsing on OKCupid and swiping on Tinder. Why? I got a match last night on Tinder. So I used the app to message her this morning. No reply. I also got a mutual like on OKCupid, a few days ago. From a girl I had messaged a few days ago. Seemed an encouraging sign. Both from attractive older women.

    But I've got no further responses. This was a bit frustrating. So I browsed both apps for a bit.

    Could have done worse!


    Checked to see if my friend's amateur porns were updated...

    Previously I checked for deleted files on my HDD. Found one shemale gif. Deleted it.

    Not 100% pure but still not over the line. I need to start a 2017 spreadsheet to keep track of stuff.
  20. NewTerritories

    NewTerritories virtual

    After some frustration with a technical problem involving phones... I decided to peek, and then binge.

    Result: an unsatisfying, long drawn out PMO. And another. Distracted, low energy, low excitement, started deliberately, so I thought I might as well finish rather than interrupting what my body now physiologically expects. An anhedonic experience. On the plus side, it perhaps reinforced how un-appealing porn can be.

    Lessons learnt? Be aware of frustration as an opening for poor decision-making. Deliberately shift moods with music, or change of pace.

    Won't let this be a reason to get lazy today and avoid my tasks. Got a bunch to do still.
    That_guy likes this.

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