Making up for lost time: entrepreneur with nothing to lose, everything to gain

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by biowinning, Aug 21, 2013.

  1. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Thanks for the kind words, Eltonio. I'm not ready to chalk this up as a success quite yet as I still very much feel addicted to porn, even though I've resisted for multiple streaks in quick succession of 60+ days. But I really do appreciate the feedback.

    I kinda wish that I was joking about the facial thing, but porn really has skewed my sexual tastes :/
     
  2. You are right. I have been gaining momentum with this Pomodoro technique and have been making more and more work happen. ;D
     
  3. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Awesome to hear that man. It's just a great technique for fooling your brain into working longer and getting shit done.

    Speaking of Pomodoro's....Updated graph:

    [​IMG]

    Haven't had a complete day off in a while. Let myself have a light work day of just 2.5 hours the other day. Going from my usual 4+ hours down to 2.5 hours felt kinda weird. It's funny how we get ourselves in these 'grooves'. When I started the Pomodoro technique, 4 hours of work was a real struggle. Now that I've stuck to the technique for 50+ days, I can bitch slap 4 hours of work like it's nothing.
     
  4. Making a graph looks like a good idea for tracking your personal progress. 4 hours of solid work is very, very good for building the no-PMO muscle.
    How did you upload your chart to the forum?
     
  5. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Days 50-55 Hard Mode
    • No P, M,O at all except for 1 day where I had sex and Od
    • Some fantasizing, but very brief and almost always about girls I might be able to root in RL
    • Training good. Diet a lot better. Still not absolutely perfect though.
    • Uninterrupted, timed work - see graph in previous post
    • 1 pack of cigarettes. Not good, not good. I really think I get good business ideas when I smoke. I need to just meditate or do something else that will relax my brain and let the ideas come.
    • Occasional coffees (1 every 2 days on avg)
    • Did do penis exercises, but haven't been religious on the scheduling
    News:

    * Called M, she was nice enough but rejected my advances by not responding to texts or returning calls. I'm pretty infuriated about it. Haven't had a straight up rejection in a while. I just want to call her and tell her that she's fucking retarded. But that would be needy, egotistical and insecure.

    * Had a moment of weakness and called Disney. We had sex.

    * The penis exercises are working. As I was entering Disney, she said "It hurts". During sex she said "It's like your a different person down there". I am officially a convert to penis exercises. The gains were probably 25% from actual length/girth gains and 75% from erection quality gains. I was able to delay ejaculation also from my reverse kegel work. It was awesome. I was at the point of no return and about to jizz and then I realised "hang on, I can just reverse kegel now and stop this ejaculation" and it worked. Awesome stuff.

    * The business experienced a massive loss and massive win on the same day. Running a startup is a rollercoaster of emotion and cashflow. After these experiences, I know that I can never go back to having a boss. NEVER. I would rather beg on the street. The closest I will ever let myself get to having a boss is having shareholders.

    * I've always been a car guy. No other material object interests me that much. But cars, yeah. Cars I get a full physical and emotional response to their form, sound, smell, gforces etc. I'm deciding what the 'end game' car should be. The car that I get when the business solidifies itself and ends up getting bought out by a bigger company. I've narrowed it down to a used Carrera GT or Ford GT. The Ford has that deep V8 rumble and awesome supercharger whine. But the Carrera has that addictive rev happy V10. Maybe the the number plate can be "NO PMO" hehe
     
  6. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    Gotta read about your exercises, they seem to help regardless of rebooting.
    And the guy asking about upload. Simply do the screenshot, cut it in paint, upload into imgur, then put the image into [ img][/ img] tags
     
  7. Thanks for the tip! 8)
     
  8. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    I have seen a lot of Carreras race, they sound awesome.

    Be careful with the exercises I have read on some forums guys going from like 5.5" girth to 7" girth and not being able to have sex very well anymore due to girls not fitting it.

    When you called that disney girl did you just invite her around to your house and end up rooting her or do you guys do it regularly so she knows?
     
  9. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Haha, thanks for the heads up. I'll make sure I stop once I start approaching 'coke can' levels.



    Not much to report. I've been grinding out the Pomodoros and grinding out more fap free days. I'm not gonna lie, it's getting tougher as the days roll by.

    Any well intentioned fapper can realise the error of his ways, suddenly get motivated, start a YBR journal and wax lyrical about their goals. 'this is the last straw' or 'I'm finally going to get this fixed' etc etc.

    The statistics show that most of these men will fail. The huge number of abandoned journals in this forum is testament to that. Most of you reading this are in a continual cycle of failure.

    Hell, I am in a cycle of failure. The statistics show that my current streak will fail. 100% of the time that I have gotten my counter up to 70+ days in the past, I have failed.

    Who knows when my current streak will end? I respect and fear the demon that is PMO - it can strike at any time, especially when you are feeling over confident.

    The one thing I can control is that I can choose to not fail today.

    That has been the mentality that I've signed up to every morning.

    I will not fail today.

    I look at the 'progress' achieved over the last 70 days. And when I take an objective look at it, it's not much. It was pretty easy to improve on a disgustingly messy room, poor social relationships, no sex and no income.

    I still have much that needs to be achieved. I eventually want a healthy relationship, a family, a successful business and to give back to society. Porn and jerking off are ABS brakes on those plans. PMO sabotages qualities such as determination, assertiveness, intelligence, wit and creativity. All traits that are needed to become a well rounded man of achievement and substance.

    The fight continues.
     
  10. wojtekoxx

    wojtekoxx One-armed bandit

    Yep, being surprised by such pessimistic post, I must admit that the future is gloom. It's definitely more work for us to struggle with incurable (I guess) porn sensization. It can be the chaser effect or just boredom or some trigger we cannot avoid and it's like first day for us rebooters. Addiction's difficult if even guys with harems or beautiful gf's improve their experience with a good old fap after sex.
    Some people, I guess 10 to 20% of all population, will always live in their head more than rest. That's way one thinks about his addiction, plans the future, thinks about possibilities, and it weakens our willpower, because it makes us fight the war in our minds or regret something, instead of living life with "ignorance is bliss" attitude. I guess it's about this division:
    http://www.mypersonality.info/personality-types/sensing-intuition/. I kind of believe in this typology, because it explains why some people are so much different. I used to think it's about the high intelligence, but now I think it's not like that, because I've seen very smart people being completely in the moment way too often, not planning much at all, a bit ignorant I even think.
     
  11. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    [​IMG]

    Day 97 no PMO

    Summary of Days 56-86 of committing to hard mode.

    Day 90 came and went. I acknowledged it, smiled, but I didn't celebrate it. My goal is 500.

    I will reset my counter when I M all the way to O whilst watching P.

    I had a scary moment a week ago. I had an extended moment of weakness --> looking at pictures of models, turned into searching for FHM models, turned into FHM models on youtube, turned into porn. I ended up watching porn for about 1.5-2 hours while M-ing.

    I restrained myself and didn't O. I consider this a relapse in terms of the mental effects it has. But according to my criteria, I won't reset the counter.

    Had an STD scare around days 60-64. I am at the point where I realise that I have a phobia of STDs (getting tested so often that the Dr's are telling me to go home). I have been in a monogamous sexual relationship for the last 10 weeks because of this acute fear of catching something. I'm turning down a lot of opportunities for sex. But maybe that's not such a bad thing? Maybe porn has convinced me that I should be screwing the girl in the gym change rooms, getting a BJ from the girl at the hotel concierge and slamming a new girl a week from Tinder. IDK. My plan from this point onward is to find an attractive, intelligent, feminine woman to wife up and have children with (after having her tested of course ;) )

    Maybe I'm inflating the risk of STDs. I don't know. I just know that I've come so far and have so much to lose that I'm not going to risk everything for 10 minutes with a bubble butt. Condoms reduce risk a lot, but they can rip. Maybe I'm just a scaredy cat.

    The business is going very well.

    Thanks for the link wojtekoxx. The personality typologies can be very useful for understanding why people are the way they are.
     
  12. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    Sounds good mate but be careful with that criteria. It allows you to look at porn.

    I would reset if you do it again. I think it would be better to orgasm from a 20min porn session rather than a 2 hour edging session. In terms of side effects.
     
  13. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Totally agree, Game. I think you are right, the extended edging sessions involve a whole lotta dopamine and are probably worse than a quick PMO.

    OK, I'm writing it down here - If I intentionally look at porn I will reset my counter. Damn. No turning back.
     
  14. PorNO

    PorNO New Member

    I read your entire journal and I must say, quite impressive recovery, regardless of your relapses. I'm glad to hear you are doing ok. Gives me hope.

    Quick question: what penis enlargement exercises are you doing?
     
  15. Rowa

    Rowa Guest

    Relapse or Not it'll take a lot more than that to wipe away the progress you've made in the last 97 days.

    Ignore it as a minor speed bump and get back on the road and push the pedal to the medal. Don't dell on it, your journey must/will continue!!!


    ON TO 500!!!
     
  16. Rowa

    Rowa Guest

    !!!!!DAY 100!!!


    I know technically it's 101 but I just wanted to congratulate you on going 100+ days my friend. You are in my opinion the embodiment of what this site was created for. You saw a problem and dared to address it and picked yourself up every time you fell and now in a much better position than when you started. It all started in that dirty room. Since that day you've gotten sex with plenty of hot women, dared to start your own thriving business, and got into a meaningful relationship.

    But you are not done yet.............there is no limit to how successful you could be!!!! Keep going brother, you serve as an excellent model for the rest of us still struggling to do a month without porn. Your greatest attribute is still your ability to pick yourself up with out destroying yourself when you have a setback. You're awesome.

    This is one of the finest journals on the site in my opinion, no whining, no excuses, just progress, failure, resolve, rebirth and on to more and more progress. This is the only way there is no such thing as a perfect reboot......it's trial and error.... and eventual success. Keep it up Bro, you are my role-model now!!!!
     
  17. +1
     
  18. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Well, I'm back with my tail in between my legs. I do not return to this forum with tales of material success and cassanova like exploits. No, indeed it is quite the opposite - I return to the forum much in the same position that I was on Post 1 of this journal. The only difference being that I know how to pull myself out of the hole this time.

    First, some stats.

    [​IMG]

    I went on one helluva productive streak. Toward the end of my recorded data, I was averaging 6 hours of timed, productive work per day. That includes weekends with no days off. And I was still trending upward! The sun was shining and the outlook was hopeful! How could I not succeed with that sort of productivity?

    Around Day 112 of hard mode, several challenges hit the business at once. It was apparent that 6 hours per day, 7 days a week was no longer going to cut it. I considered hiring more staff, as there is only so much 1 person can do, but examination of the company books revealed cash constraints that simply wouldn't allow it. The only way forward was venture capital (annoying, too controlling) or for me to start wearing multiple hats - CFO, HR, CTO, BD manager and CEO. Such is the way of the startup founder.

    It is around this time that I started working around 8 hrs+ per day and I decided that timing my hours was taking up too much time. I removed my Pomodoro counter from the system tray and felt like I graduated to the world of C level execs that just got shit done without timers. Big mistake. You see, I'm not a C level exec that just gets shit done, I am a recovering porn addict.

    So the working hours started creeping up. And what does that result in? Dating got thrown by the wayside. No time for Tinder, no time for flirting on Facebook, no time for hitting up that cute girl in the mall. The result? Increased PMO risk. I guess everyone is different, but my risk of relapsing increased dramatically when I don't have any dating prospects on the near horizon. A quick 5 min fap with a perfect video starts to look pretty appealing from a productivity and lost time perspective. But it's not better from a net productivity perspective because you just lose in so many areas in the days that follow.

    Around Day 120, things relaxed a little in the business and I was able to get away with working more regular hours. Free from the chains of the Pomodoro timer, the extra time got filled with mindless web surfing - reddit, youtube and countless other meaningless sites. I started to get addicted to the internet again. The apartment started getting messy and I soon relapsed. And relapsed again. And again. And again.

    Overall relapse count was probably 5-6.

    I tried getting back on the straight and narrow after each relapse, but only lasted 4-7 days each time.

    My God, the effect that this 25ish day relapse patch has had on the business has been unfathomably bad. All of my meetings have been average and I feel like I've dropped 20 IQ points. Brain fog to the extreme. I had TWO independent directors walk out on the business during this period. One of them even said "you aren't on top of your game anymore". fuck.

    So I'm currently on Day 1 no MO, Day 5ish no P.



    I had broken up with Disney for over 2 months. Was getting a bit lonely so I called her. We went on a date and then 2 days later we had sex. This was pretty irresponsible, as I have no intention to go back into a relationship with her. Interestingly, she is the one that is not contacting me after our little makeup sex liasion, so I guess that solves that problem.

    Went on a date with a fun girl from Tinder last night. I'll call her T. She lives in a share house with two airline stewardesses that are cute and exotic as hell. T is bi, so things could get a little interesting moving forward.

    I know exactly what I need to do to get out of the hole. It's fairly straightforward in theory, but the mind over matter battle is not to be underestimated. I'm going to come back to posting regularly. If I can catch this relapse period before it gets out of hand, I can resume the overall upward trajectory that has characterised the last year since I joined this forum.

    Hope to check in on more of your journals over the coming days.
     
  19. biowinning

    biowinning Pushing through with all of the grit I can muster

    Sorry I missed this - I'm doing the JP90 program.
     
  20. Hey man. missed reading your daily updates and progress.
    This addiction keeps trying to get the best of us. I could safely say that your progress has been one of the best I've seen in this forum and you just have to build upon that previous success.
    Remember to keep writing in your journal to help keep you grounded. ;D
    Looking forward to read more of your success stories.

    And woah, that T bi girl sounds like an interesting chapter in your life.
     

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