Making progress

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Goodewend, Jun 9, 2017.

  1. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    for some reason my thread was erased. To start over?

    Hi, I'm 42 years old, I suffer from PIED, was porn and sex addict for 25 years. The damage is done.

    I just want to feel normal. I have had successful intercourse with my significant other about 10-12 times over the past month without any aid from medication. I have had some struggles but I am well on my way, I think.

    I am currently 6 months and 10 days without PMO.
  2. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi Goodewend,

    Glad that you were able to get another journal going. Congrats on your 6mo 10 day PMO free! That is a terrific achievement.

    You have had intimacy with your SO 10-12 times in the last month so your PIED must be really improving? That is wonderful.

    All the nest sir!
    Goodewend likes this.
  3. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    My pied has changed significantly. Over the course of a month ( to be honest it's been about a month and a half ) about 3 or 4 times I was at about 70% on my erection. The other times I have been at nearly 100%. So, nothing is perfect. I do know that over the course of the last 5 years I have used a form of medication to treat my ED... and at times ( many many times ) I wasn't successful with meds. So, to be able to achieve an erection without meds and to be able to physically please a woman has been a much needed hangs of pace on my mind. Spontaneously sex, was a fear.... now, not so much. I am slowly getting my confidence back even though I have had a few times where I haven't been 100%.

    I still think about porn, I still have images in my head, I still have cravings, but I will absolutely never turn back.

    I think the main reason for such a significant change other than the obvious of no porn has been to not to try sexual intimacy every day or every other day.

    I struggle with my libido, my sex drive isn't where I want to be but I realize this is a baby step process.
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2017
  4. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    And I just had the weakest attempt at sex in the last 1-1/2 months. Wow!!!


    And I know what the problem is.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I'm over a year sober and sometimes sex is great (I'm hard and horny), while other times I just have an OK erection. I'm 58 and so I have a few years on you. Everything sounds like it's going really well for you. As 40new30 likes to remind us: "recovery is non-linear."
    Goodewend likes this.
  6. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Yeah, I know what you mean. Last nights attempt was weak, nearly pathetic. Tho I reached orgasm as did she. My performance was horrible. Baby steps is all I'm saying.

    25 years of pmo won't be corrected in half a year. I won't let it break my confidence. I absolutely refuse to every use medication.
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    No, it sure won't.

    Great to see your confident, though, as a positive attitude is crucial to recovery. Everyday sober we allow the miracle of being here to manifest itself more deeply.
    Goodewend likes this.
  8. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    You're not alone, my last attempt was a 65 to 70% percent erection that went limp after penetration (however most times I have no issues at all with ED, I do suffer from DE)'re right, 25 years of PMO/MO addiction won't be cured quickly, but everyone that sticks with the program sees encouraging improvements.

    I've never heard of anyone who actually stuck with the program not getting full erections back, I have seen a lot of people not stick with it and complain about poor results, especially the younger guys.

    For some that full recovery will definitely take a few years, all of us must be prepared to go the distance.
    Goodewend likes this.
  9. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    I agree!! I haven't strayed away from what works. I'm 7 months-7 days and I haven't used meds in a couple of months. I still have porn urges ( when I say urges, I mean visuals of the porn I have watched )

    I think if everyone just followed the method that has worked, results will be seen. Until then, I'm afraid not.

  10. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Try to ignore those "visuals". I am sure you are and can. The big red X works as does mindfulness. You are doing great!
    Goodewend likes this.
  11. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    On the topic of seeing visuals, I would add that what's been helpful for me when these visual memories appear, is to picture in my mind the whole film crew (sound, audio recording staff) standing behind the actors. It reminds me that isn't real. It's an act.

    I also start imagining what the actress is actually thinking about. I don't think she enjoys it. It's a job. It helps to take me out of the trance. Without buying into the fantasy (that she loves to be fucked), she's just an actress making money to pay her bills.

    Another approach that I have been experimenting with is to ask myself what these characters really want. For the fantasy to take hold in one's mind, one has to buy into the believability of the characters on some level. For example, what would drive someone to exploit someone else. Porn is very much about power, invincibility, invulnerability, not being rejected, shamed, etc.
    Billy B. and Goodewend like this.
  12. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Woot! :)
    Goodewend likes this.
  13. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Those visuals can be an ass kicker. I jump on a game, start cleaning or work on my budget when it happens.
  14. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Strangely it's been somewhat easy. I had a streak of 6 months prior to this 7 month 9 days and that one was hard. I went on a 5-7 day binge before my current streak. The fact I am able to perform is amazing, what's better is spontaneous intimacy.

    Gotta stick with what works. I won't turn back. Ever.
  15. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    All true. I've never looked at it that way. But the visuals are still an ass kicker.
  16. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Something that might help any of you. I posted this on hortons thread.

    I think a lot of times during a reboot we all may be using meds to some degree in an effort to be intimate with our significant other or whomever we may seek a sexual experience with. Though many of us have success to some degree with the aid of something pill formed, we aren't helping ourselves. I have spent years eating pills to achieve erections for simply the desire to have an orgasm ( basically the brain seeking pmo ) and we never give ourselves a chance to heal. I have had a tremendous amount of success in the last 2 months. I simply stopped seeking the orgasm. Went about 3 weeks without anything ( sexually related ) and then tried intercourse with my significant other and had success. The key here isn't to have sex every day ( for the simple fact for an orgasm, I'm telling you, if you are doing this you're only feeding the PMO desire ) wait it out, try sex once every 2 weeks, maybe once every 3 weeks, but when you do it, don't use meds.Yeah, we use meds, we get off ( yay!!! ) that's all we did, we didn't cure anything ( except getting off ). I was a firm believer in meds for years, now that I just stopped taking them and quit the "I need an orgasm everyday" thought. Things have gotten better. There is light at the the end of the tunnel, getting a orgasm daily or every other day or failing or succeeding every day with the use of meds every day or every other day isn't helping any of us. Slow down, heal... we don't need an orgasm every day, that's what we did when we used pmo.

    I'm 42 years old. I had a pmo addiction from the age of 15 to 40, off and on during age 40-41 and now at age 42, with what I am doing, I am having success. I'm not 100% every time... there have been a few times I've been at 80%. Many times at 100% and in the middle the other times.
    Billy B., 40New30 and Saville like this.
  17. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    A lot of the early pioneers on here realized the no-O thing really works wonders (so called hard mode), especially over the long haul (if you are a lucky long rebooter)...I have observed this in my own journey as well.

    If you are having DE, low libido, PIED, negative moods post O, all of the above, and you're eating Viagra and trying to cum all the time, well... you're doing it wrong!

    It's tricky though because libido does tend to "shut off" after a long period of no-O. An O will wake it up, the problem for a lot of us comes a week or two or three post O when we have O'd a bunch more times and then we start to feel like crap again and/or the ED comes back. It's frustrating, but you have to treat your brain with gentle respect in recovery.

    It's definitely an art of listening to the body.
    Goodewend and Saville like this.
  18. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Yeah. I have libido problems or would you consider it a flatline?
  19. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Thanks you sir!!!
  20. Goodewend

    Goodewend New Member

    Even with all the success, sex with no meds, spontaneous sex and full erections, I still don't have a sex drive. Any thoughts?

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