11/8/2020 – 13:10 Don’t call a comeback, sadly I’ve been here for years. I have been hanging with my neighbor lately and he was reading excerpts from a journal he wrote to himself 3 years ago and it inspired me. So here I am. I just checked my last couple of post which were from last year and I realize I’m in the exact same position as I was last time I attempted to reboot. Single, addicted to porn and actually heavier then I was last year. The theme was make better choices, and I actually like that theme. I realize now that I’ve been actively battling this problem for 6 years now, well attempting to anyway. This past summer once again inspired me to attempt it again. I had 3 good chances to have sex this summer despite a stay at home order and I was too afraid to even attempt to make the move in 2 of them. I guess today I’ll talk about the one I did. Speaking to women as never been a problem, and when my confidence is high I have somewhat decent “game”. This past summer I was able to pick up and bring home a stripper from the club. I would later find out she was in a rough patch and I let her stay with me for 2 weeks. A stripper trying to work during a pandemic that orders you to stay 6 feet away doesn’t make a lot of money. For the first couple of days, this girl was constantly horny and according to her, I give really good head. It was fine for me as I wasn’t confident in my other ability. After a while that dried up and the novelty of living with a stripper wore off really quick. So she left and moved out, but she reached out to me 3 weeks ago needing a place to stay. I was horny and I thought I was up to the challenge so I let her stay again. That first day was my first attempt to have sex in months but I thought I was ready but it didn’t work again. She was here for 6 more days and it was more me giving her oral because I was afraid to fail again. Now she's gone and I'm trying not to full back to my old habits I know now my problem isn’t with masturbation, I mean it is, but the real root of my problem is porn. In the past I’ve always judge my progress be my ability not to PMO, but this time I really need to give up the porn, which at times feels impossible. Especially since the lock down went into effect in march I gave up on trying for 4 months and loaded my Instagram and twitter with onlyfan porn girls. But none the less are I am. I’ll probably write more tonight, but my battle is just begun. So last week started well, worked out 8 times in 6 days. Ate healthy for 4 out of those days, but the wheels came off on Thursday. PMO Thursday and Saturday and ate like shit Friday and Saturday. I’m going to focus on the theme and continue to try and make better choices today. Just have to focus on the now.