Mad at the world. This is hard to do.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by madman, May 25, 2017.

  1. madman

    madman Member

    Well then. I don't know what to say. I'll keep coming back though. It is refreshing to read these comments, feeling support. I screw up relationships all the time. If I'm not dealing with one 'friend' who is acting like a jerk, I'm dealing with another one. People. Can 't live with em, can't live without em. Trying to cultivate patience, so to not write them off so quickly. Going sober. Staying sober. Not acting out. The only way to find clarity is recovery. Glad to be here.
     
    Squire likes this.
  2. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    Ugh I know. You are speaking my language. People are the worst. Would we like them better if they couldn't talk? I generally feel pretty good about animals but if they could talk I might feel like they're jerks. Babies can't talk but they are jerks too. But I guess there are animal jerks too. Hyenas, for example. All cats. Mosquitos. Every snake. Monkeys. Sharks. Viruses. Dang. I guess there's only a few animals that are not jerks.
     
    Saville likes this.
  3. madman

    madman Member

    Day 27. I hate counters. Keeping track. But if I don't, I don't know how I'm doing. The longer I go, the stronger PMO tempts me. Brain fog is thick this morning. What would I give for clarity? Looking for a job, but don't know if I am employable. 65 year old IT guy. My mother told me there is not a chance anyone is going to hire me. Thanks Mom! My wife wants me to keep looking. We are not setup well for retirement. I am in pretty good health really. My knees bother me some. So good to see all the people interacting on this site. I learn a lot, trying to get into the daily discipline of checking in. I am trying to recover like you all. Your stories strengthen me. Recovering is not a quick fix. It takes a long time. How to put PMO down for good. It will be a miracle if I can. But then, I believe in miracles. Thanks for allowing me to ramble. Peace, brothers.
     
  4. Squire

    Squire Well-Known Member

    I've had more peace thinking about retirement since realizing that, even if I were flat out broke, I can live in a homeless shelter, get my food in a soup kitchen, and get my entertainment in free books from the public library . . . everything else is just an improvement on that. But it can give some peace of mind to reduce our sense of what retirement should look like down to basics and then be glad for any "extras" that make it more comfortable than the basics.

    I don't want by any means to make light of your concerns, I don't know your situation. I lost my job because of downsizing when I was in my mid 40's and found it terrifying to be on a job search at that age. In many things age increases value - antique furniture, cars, vintage wines, historic homes. I wish our culture had more of that mindset with people and jumped at the chance to employ someone with intelligence, experience, and perspective.
     
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  5. madman

    madman Member

    Staying sober is difficult. Memories of how quickly relief can come invade. Attack. That's alright. Reading the posts here strengthen me. Thanks. I wish strength to everyone struggling like I am.
     
    Boxer17 and Saville like this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, it is. But, you're stronger than you think!
     
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    http://amp.timeinc.net/time/money/3725034/jobs-older-workers-improved

    The AARP and others have long arguedthat older workers are reliable, flexible, experienced and possess valuable institutional knowledge. Increasingly, employers seem to want these traits.

    With the trend in technology going the way it is and being an IT guy you have some tools to use. If your area of expertise is not expanding maybe looking for another angle in IT would be good. I wish I had IT experience.
    I'm 64 and in the cleaning business. I can feel myself slowing down. With IT you can use your brain and experience.
    I'm rooting for you Madman
     
    Saville likes this.
  8. madman

    madman Member

    Yea, IT is a broad subject now-a-days. You would think there would be plenty of opportunity. Changing my focus/career direction 5 years ago, I don't have the experience employers want yet, i.e., 3 to 5 years at least, to be employable as a software developer. I am falling back on what I do have many years experience at, hoping that will engender a job somewhere along the line. Electronic Data Interchange, or EDI. What is that you say? Secure transmission of data: medical claims, invoices, purchase orders, etc. Older employees do offer a lot. Good work ethic. Some level of maturity (hopefully) etc etc. Seasoned experience. I appreciate it Boxer17. You encourage me, thanks. Hope your day is wonderful !
     
    Saville likes this.
  9. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    :D:rolleyes::) Ya say you have experience with ED!!? :p:p
     
    Saville likes this.
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    LOL :D

    I think any job is better than nothing. Obviously something in your field is best, but sitting at home can be a bitch. Sometimes it's a bitch with a bitch. ha ha
     
  11. madman

    madman Member

  12. madman

    madman Member

    Unbridled anger this morning. People I love pissing me off. I want to unload on them giving them a piece of my mind but rage gets me nowhere. I lost it totally with my father once and he wrote me out of his will. When he died he gave my sister all his money. Not much really, only 25K, and I will do ok w/o it, but maybe that was to teach me a lesson. I will learn not to let my anger go, tearing into people. It just causes destruction. No benefit, maybe except to make me feel better temporarily. A symptom of recovery? Maybe.
     
    dig deep likes this.
  13. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I know what you mean. exploding anger rarely produces desired results. When I do that it is usually me expressing pure emotion with little or no problem solving material to work with.
    We become the focus and the problem and a solution become lost.

    I remember years ago telling my daughter when she would fly into a rage "I can't hear WHAT you are saying only How you are saying it

    My problem is I get sullen and withdrawn thinking the other person will see my displeasure and that will help fix a problem...... just as bad as blowing up. Because I just come across as grumpy and stubborn. Then I may blow up if I don't think sullenness is working o_O:eek:

    Then we feel bad and say "what's the use". Ill just sink back into my old mirey state and say life is too hard.

    I clipped out a quote I read from reader's digest which said something to the effect:
    If you tell someone off when you're really angry you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret

    I have been there more often than I care to think about

    Best regards to you sir. This forum can be a good place to unload
     
    Libertad likes this.
  14. madman

    madman Member

    Love that. Thanks Boxer.
     
  15. Mad Dog

    Mad Dog Well-Known Member

    Think the way to go. You can forgive but you will not let them keep doing the same thing. This way u don't add to the. situation with youre own stomach acid. Me..... I just put those people out of my life, if I can't I just ignore them. o_O
     
  16. madman

    madman Member

    I stay away from this forum because I feel I have nothing to give. Other times I obsess over it. I don't think that is helpful either. A man of few words.

    And basically a screwed up buckaroo who has a long long road to recovery.

    We all have different things that help us stay sober. We are different beings. What helps me may not help you.

    Many of you have seen this and its nothing new. I just read it for the first time, and still am. Oh my gosh. For this space and time, it is helping me. In case there are any newbies that haven't read it. It is long, but worth it. The No Arousal Method - Celibacy of Body and Mind.

    https://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com...ousal-method-celibacy-of-body-and-mind.14525/

    Blessings !
     
    Boxer17 likes this.

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