Lost my virginity a few days ago at age 28. Things did not go as I’d hoped. Do I have PIED?

Discussion in 'Erectile Dysfunction / Delayed Ejaculation' started by VosstheStampede, Sep 18, 2021.

  1. VosstheStampede

    VosstheStampede New Member

    So a little bit about my porn usage history. Started when I was 13 and wanted to quit immediately (I was very religious at the time). Never could fully kick the habit but would obtain streaks of up to 2-3 weeks. When I was in my early 20s, I could get up to a month and the longest streak I ever had was 45 days. I don’t remember much about my porn usage frequency back then, but in the past few years it’s been every 3 or 4 days and sometimes only once a week. I personally didn’t think that was too bad, though I still considered myself an addict because I had tried to quit and couldn’t. The genre of porn that I watched exclusively was BBW. Mentioning this is important because I had to wonder if this played into my performance when I lost my virginity. I used to be very ashamed of my taste in women and tried to change it and be like everyone else but I couldn’t. I’ve also always wondered if it would be what I was into in real life because I’d never been with a bigger woman before. I just assumed it was because those were the women I was attracted to in real life and not just on the screen.

    A couple of months ago, I reconnected with a girl I almost dated way back in the day. We wanted to try and be friends with benefits (with the possibility of something more developing) and she had planned to have me over at her place at some point. When we started talking, I had stopped PMO completely and started to get a bit of a streak going. I was 11 days in and she had been sending me photos of her in lingerie. I got turned on and had really bad blue balls one night, so I relieved myself to the photos she sent. I didn’t reset my counter because I figured it was to pictures of someone I was going to have sex with. Another 10 days go by and I decide to jerk off to her photos again, but this time I mixed the porn I was used to in there. Felt bad about it and found it hard to enjoy the porn because of the guilt. That guilt eventually subsided though as my addict brain took over and I PMO’d a few more times over the next few days. I built up a streak of 2 weeks of no PMO right before I went to drive up to see her. During this time, I started to feel all of my sexual desires straight up disappear. I’ve flatlined before, so I wasn’t exactly surprised but I was getting worried because I knew I’d be put to the test soon. I also considered being nervous about losing my virginity added to killing my libido. Also, with me not only had I not ever had sex but I had never even had a girlfriend or been kissed or anything, so I really had absolutely zero experience.

    So fast forward to a few days ago and I finally pull up to her place. I still felt like I had no sexual desire whatsoever. When I saw her though, I did start to get slightly aroused, she’s exactly my type from a physical standpoint. We started making out and she performed fellatio (trying to use the most non erotic terms possible here) on me. While I had a 100% erection I could not climax. I don’t know how long she went for it but it was quite a while. We had sex for about 30 minutes and the whole time I had a lot running through my mind: wow I’m finally having sex, why can’t I climax, am I still in a flatline, am I actually even attracted to bigger women, I thought this would feel better, I’m finally with a flesh and blood and not pixels I should be way more aroused, and so on. We stopped eventually and just cuddled for a couple hours. This entire time I still had an erection. It was like those Viagra commercials where you need to call a doctor if you have an erection for hours on end. The next morning, she tried to get me off but it was taking a while and I felt bad so I just masturbated and let her finish me. The orgasm felt very weird, powerful but empty somehow. I don’t know how to explain it. I just know I’ve never felt anything like that. I can’t even remember what it felt like, I just remember being embarrassed about having an orgasm in front of someone. Then over the next few days we tried to have sex several times and I had trouble even maintaining an erection. I couldn’t believe it. Felt so emasculating. I mean there were these moments where it felt like my sexuality came back in full force and it felt like it was supposed to but it was so fleeting. Also, I should point out that there were moments where I thought about scenes from porn (felt like shit for doing this, but I was desperate to get it up) but that did nothing for me as well. I just felt like I had no sexual desire at all.

    I ended up telling her about my porn usage and described what a flatline was and that I could possibly have PIED. She was disappointed and hurt, but was very supportive and wanted to do what she could to help me. Seeing her reaction when I told her will forever be etched into my memory. I’ve always wanted to quit this stupid addiction for myself, but now I have someone else I’m doing it for and I’m really hoping this experience is going to be the turning point for me where I don’t look back. If you’ve made it this far, what do you think my problem was? Do I have PIED? Was I nervous? Was it just a flatline? A combination perhaps? At the time of writing this I’m 20 days clean but I don’t feel like my libido is back. Occasionally, the real sex I had will pop into my mind and I’ll start to get slightly aroused but that’s it for the most part. One thing I know for sure though, is that I’m more disgusted with porn than I ever have been and I simply cannot afford to fail.
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2021
  2. shattered

    shattered Member

    Are there any medications you took in the past that may have affected your libido?
  3. breath

    breath Active Member

    I'm 57 and have had sex with more than a dozen women, usually things begin to get better after the 1st time together.....

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