Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Great to hear, NCBob. Moments of serenity are precious, indeed. Savor them. I imagine they will multiply as we stay sober and leave the habit in the past...
    Keep on keepin' on.
     
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  2. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Moz:)
    Today feels like another withdrawal day. My mind is tight, depressed, and I'm feeling that sickly sweet feeling of having an addict in my attic. I'm keeping things simple, staying focused, and very clear that sobriety is my only choice.
    I'm also reading easypeasy, which I'm finding is a good reinforcer as to why I want to get/remain sober.
    From a creative side, I've learned how to play Classical Gas on my guitar over the past couple of months, even in the middle of going through feeling exceptionally awful these past 3 weeks.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2020
  3. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I'm feeling a little bit freer in mind, body, and spirit today. My addict is still crawling around in my attic, however, not encroaching as much on my mental/emotional space. Still staying focused on my sobriety, and feeling desirous of staying sober. I did some accounting for my business earlier, and noticed that my mind was clearer and much less stressed when working through the numbers. Feeling grateful for the space I'm in now.
     
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  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Wow, what a great report! So good to hear you're passing through that long rough patch, NCBob. Now we just keep doing what we're doing.
     
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  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Moz:)
     
  6. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Had a couple of erotic dreams in the early morning hours, so some sexual energy floating about inside me. Needing to sit with it rather than act on it. Had a couple of other interesting dreams about baseball. Historically, when I dream about baseball, I'm always struggling to throw the ball straight and/or struggling to catch a ball that is flying over my head. In these two dreams, I fielded a baseball cleanly and threw it on a dime. Not sure what that means, and I definitely enjoyed the confident feeling that came with it.
     
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  7. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I would like to think your brain is rewarding you for doing so well with your current run of recovery. It's telling you, "yes, you can do this!"
     
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  8. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    How's it going, NCBob?
     
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Hey Moz, Thanks for checking in. It's been a most challenging day, and I've managed to keep my car on the road rather than veer off the highway. I felt a little bit better physically today, which gave birth to some energy for my addict to try and take over the roost. Still intact, and thankful for it:)
     
  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Dodged the bullet yesterday, not today. Time to reseto_O
     
  11. Cali

    Cali Member

    NCBob, please do not allow yourself to go on a streak of use days, figure out why you faltered and get back on the road to your recovery. I know from my own experience that when I use after a few days of being clean my mind tells me since I faltered I may as well keep using, please do not fall into that trap.
     
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  12. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for checking in, Cali:) I've had a challenging day, and am glad that I've been able to get myself back on track. Having a month free of PMO prior to yesterday's slip has been helpful in motivating me in a healthy direction today. I'll continue to check in on a daily basis.
     
  13. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Yes, a clean month is fantastic! Use it as a springboard for the next run. I think you proved to yourself that you can do this, NCBob. You went through some rough going on that run, and one slip doesn't mean you have to start from scratch and go through all that physical and mental anguish again. Please make it a clean weekend, bud. You deserve it! PMO is not a reward; it's punishment. That we don't need to keep giving ourselves.
     
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  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Moz:) I managed to grind through the day without a repeat of a couple of days ago. Finding that place inside me that wants the freedom of sobriety rather than the slavery of addiction was at the root of my efforts today. Onward and upward:)
     
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  15. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Good for you, NCBob! Proud of you for resisting the urge to binge. It was just a small bump in the road. You're back on track, friend. Onward.
     
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  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for your support, Moz:) I woke up early this morning with ideas for my book bubbling inside my brain, instead of old tapes of porn rituals being replayed, so I know I'm on the right track. Feeling hopeful for today, and for the future, which works for me:D
     
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  17. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I think you feel hopeful because you've crossed a threshold, NCBob. You've opened the door to the life without the chains of addiction you so deserve.
     
  18. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Nudge. How's it going, NCBob?
     
  19. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Cool that you;ve got ideas for your book in your head. Better that than porn stuff. How about throwing yourself into some writing?
    You mentioned that you were practising the guitar. I think it’s great to do something lifeaffirming during this process.
     
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  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Hey dude, checking on you again. What's the latest?
     
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