Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Clovis6. I'm glad I'm learning this though osmosis:cool:
     
  2. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    A quick check-in. My brain is craving a dopamine fix, and I'm feeling the tug to deliver it. I'm writing now, and will aim for a good-night's sleep to provide the relief I need.
     
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  3. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Hi NCBob, hope you resisted the quick fix. I think it’s worth trying to think ahead about when our brain craves a quick dopamine fix, what we could do to distract the brain (go for a walk, exercise, cold shower etc) or what else might provide a non-PMO dopamine fix. The only thing is, non-PMO dopamine fixes are not as intense as PMO ones at the moment.
     
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  4. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for checking in, Clovis6:) I wobbled some, and made it through the night without falling down. You are correct, having some other options on the table are important. I went for a run this afternoon, and that has done enough to reset my brain in a non-PMO direction. I took a short and deep nap earlier this evening, which felt great. Now I'm feeling a general sense of unease/feeling unsafe in the world right now with all of its ongoing insanity. I'm going to do a little writing to get grounded, and then call it a night:D
     
  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    However one positive ...they don't have the depressive hangover!
     
    NCBob likes this.
  6. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    true:D
     
  7. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    It’s easy to get overwhelmed with all the stuff going on in the world at the moment. We’re just not built to process so much information, the majority of which is negative. I think it’s a really good idea to limit the amount of news/information we take in. In my case, I found that a lot of it was for entertainment purposes and that it didn’t really affect my life at all. Besides, there was nothing that I could do about most of it anyway. Recently I’ve been having some breaks from the news. If there’s something really big going on, then someone tends to mention it or it comes up in a podcast. It’s thenup to me if I want to look into it in any more detail.
     
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  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I had a brief moment today where my urge to PMO just skyrocketed through my brain. Prior to, I was being productive with stuff related to my business and finances. The moment I felt some insecurity around money, there was the urge. It was huge, and in that moment, nothing else was an option. Fortunately, I just rolled with it and moved on. It would be nice, however, if my desire to stay sober had that same level of intensity:) The flip side is, sobriety is not an intense experience. And onward we go...
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Agreed, Clovis6:)
     
  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    The good thing is that next time you can prepare yourself for it. Maybe you could even sort out your financial stuff in a more public place and plan something with someone (connection with others is the best antidote) right after.

    I seriously think that sobriety can have similar levels of intensity. I think we've just been to desensitized for such experiences.
     
  11. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    In the moment, sobriety does not feel like an intense experience. It does not provide us with the temporary thrills and rushes of dopamine we're accustomed to. But perhaps we can learn to get some longer term satisfaction out of sobriety, that feeling of self respect that gradually grows as we continue to choose actions that promote our mental and physical well-being.
     
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  12. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    Forlorn nailed what I wanted to say myself. Because sobriety is not an intense experience its easy to mistake the alternative as somehow being more real or energyising.
     
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  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    true, forlorn:)
     
  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    The intensity-intimacy conundrum, Clovis6. I'd been told a long time ago that intimacy stood for in-to-me-i-see. PMO makes this very difficult, if not impossible to do. Thanks for checking in:)
     
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    A couple of nights ago, I had a calf cramp wake me up from a deep sleep. I've had them in the past, and the pain is debilitating, especially if I can't get on my feet in time before the cramp takes over. So you can imagine the urgency I had to get out of bed. As I'm scrambling in the dark before the cramp takes over, I reach out to grab a hold of the table next to my bed for balance, and fall forward towards a chair beside it. My hand slips off the table, and my other hand slips off the chair armrest. As I fall to the ground, my right arm wacks the table, and I land flush on the corner of the vacuum cleaner that happened to be parked between the two, with the small of my back.

    The weirdest thing happens. As everything becomes slow motion in free-fall, I'm scared shitless because I've lost my ability to fight the cramp. However, the cramp suddenly disappears as if it went through a worm hole. At the same time, I've just cracked my lower spine on the vacuum cleaner, and now in agony from that (I've got the imprint of the vacuum cleaner on my lower back, lol).

    What still amazes me is that the moment I let go of resisting the cramp (I don't think I had a choice in the matter), it immediately went away. I'm going to chew on this for a while as it relates to my recovery.

    Given that I've also been forced to slow down for a couple of days - lots of bed rest - moving very slowly otherwise - everything I've done has needed to have a purpose, so that any pain I feel along the way is from doing something productive, rather than from doing something frivolous. I'll take this as a good reminder to focus on my recovery in the same way. Keep it simple, keep it productive, and make decisions that don't create unnecessary pain along the way...
     
  16. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Ouch, that sounds painful. I can pretty much envision it happening, from the way you described it. Hope you feel better soon.
     
    NCBob likes this.
  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I can pretty much re-experience it happening, from the way I described it, forlorn, lol:confused:
    Thanks for checking in:)
     
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  18. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Today has been a highly enjoyable day. I was given 3 new clients through a long-term business relationship, had 2 great sessions with current clients, went for a run and finished the distance after having a calf injury 5 weeks ago which sidelined me and required being smart/patient to allow it to heal before getting up to speed, and just took a nice nap which was well deserved. My mind is focused on health and recovery, which sure beats the gerbil wheel of PMO. For this I'm thankful:)
     
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  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Having a good day is meaningless when followed by not so good days. The past 5 days have been beyond awful. I got caught up in my PMO rituals last week, and while no O, plenty of edging, which left me neck deep in shit by Saturday. I pulled a hard stop and reset Saturday night, and now going through the worst withdrawal ever. My brain is in severe pain, and my brain's neurotransmitters are on fire. Any moment I'm asleep, my brain is going through its PMO rituals with some fantasy computer, which is tremendously unsettling. I'm amazed, and not surprised by how powerful the wheels inside my addict brain are. I have completely given over to the dark side
    I've also had 4 physical ailments going on (intestinal blockage, bladder infection, feeling sick {fever, intense chills, sweats, vomiting, soreness in just about every part of my body), and I threw out my lower back in the middle of it all which has left me barely able to move around. I'm going to get checked our for covid-19 tomorrow.
    As much the entrance to the PMO highway seems inviting, it never leads to to a happy ending. Never. As much a I've known this, for the first time I KNOW this.
    Going to remain vigilant to get this right, this time. I don't think I'll have the resolve to move forward otherwise.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2020
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  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I guess that's the brutal truth, whether we like it or not. Remember that joke you told me a few months ago? "A man is walking down the street and sees a giant hole in the road straight ahead. He falls in..." We can be whistling Dixie and thinking we're on the right path, and then we just forget about the lessons we've learned a gazillion times and fall into the abyss anyway. How can that have any other effect than to make us feel like shit when we knew damn well what the outcome would be?
    Ouch. Your brain is telling you something in a very loud voice: stop the madness!
    Good luck! Keep us posted, NCBob.
    I'm with ya, bud. It will take vigilance. Let's do it.
     
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