Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for checking in, Moz. Much appreciate, bro:)
     
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I guess the death of your special companion also shows that the journey is finite. At some point we all end. Pema Chodron listed the four reminders in Buddhism, which I wrote down before:

    1. Maintain an awareness of the preciousness of human life. Beginning to realize how precious life is becomes one of your most powerful tools. It's like gratitude ... once you have this feeling of gratitude for your own life and the preciousness of human birth, then it takes you into any realm.

    2. Be aware of the reality that life ends; death comes for everyone. Life is very brief. If you realize that you don't have that many more years to live and if you live your life as if you actually had only a day left, then the sense of impermanence heightens that feeling of preciousness and gratitude.

    3. Recall that whatever you do, whether virtuous or not, has a result; what comes around, goes around. The law of karma is that we sow the seeds and we reap the fruit. So when you find yourself in a dark place ... you can think, "Maybe it's time to get a little golden spade and dig myself out of this place."

    4. Contemplate that as long as you are too focused on self-importance and too caught up in thinking about how you are good or bad, you will suffer. Obsessing about getting what you want and avoiding what you don't want does not result in happiness."
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hello in there! (echo) :)
     
  4. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    The first 3 points are really poignant regarding the impermances of life. But number 4 really touches on the heart of the PMO addict. The fantasy world is what we create when we are not happy with the real world. We suffer in the face of change or with wanting our lives to be different than they actually are.
     
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  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Sounds like you're hanging your head in the toiled bowl, Saville:)

    And always good to have you checking in on me, Bro.

    I've been chasing my tail some over the past couple of weeks - diving into my old rituals, feeling trapped inside of my old rituals, extricating myself from my old rituals, and thinking, after I've stepped out of that hellhole, that was easy. Interesting how this happens.

    My biggest struggle has been in ignoring the initial surge of euphoric recall that calls my name. If I stay close to the computer, I struggle. If I move in a different direction, I can easily reset in a different direction. When I'm in the middle of all of it, I struggle mightily.

    Anyhow, I'm not pulling the PMO trigger very often - once in the last 2 weeks. I've continued to create enough disruptions and distractions to my PMO rituals that I do not enjoy being there very much, and feel conflicted the entire time.

    Slow and steady progress.

    Again, thanks for checking in, Saville:D
     
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  6. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    You're coming along.
     
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  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Caoimhin, I think that there are 3 worlds at play here. The real world, our perception of the real world, and our fantasy world. If we don't believe we have the tools, resources, and/or ability to effectively manage our perception of the real world, we face a bit of a conundrum. If we isolate within that space/mindset, we rely on fantasy and manipulation to give us an artifical sense of feeling alive. If we express ourselves openly/honestly from that space/mindset, we can avail ourselves to HP and/or help from others to help breath real life into that space. That being said, I don't think most people in the world today are living in the real world.

    It is a work in progress:)
     
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  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thank you, Bobo:)
     
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep. We must have somewhat of a social life in order to grow. People who are put in solitary confinement end up with a myriad of mental health issues. Confining ourselves to our abodes is self-imprisonment.

    I agree with you, but I guess it's hard to ascertain what the real world really is. We all have shocking blind spots that disallow moving forward. It is very hard to extricate ourselves from our culture, because we feel defined by it. People cherish a flag as though it were a baby. We make sacred cows out of so many things. False idols abound, because it is easier to put our trust in an object than ourselves. I guess it's not easy combining our lizard brains with our higher functions, as they can often be at war. It's so much easier to just let the lizard be in charge, isn't it. Eat, fuck, sleep, war with the enemy, etc. The real world seems to be a place that we can access only when our desire to grow, is greater than our fear.
     
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  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Exactly, Saville:)

    The real world is simply absence of fear.

    My oh, my, what we have to look forward to:D:):D:):D!!!
     
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Well put, NCBob!
    In that world without fear, Love is the answer.

    I saw the movie about Mr. Rogers the other day, "Won't you be my neighbor?"
    Even though as a kid I was already too old to get into the show when it started in '68, when I did catch snippets of it when somebody in the house had it on, I thought he was kind of an odd guy.
    Well, my view of him was really changed after watching this. He was a gentle soul who carried on with his children's show for so many years because of his abiding love of humanity, and because he knew that the only hope for us is to raise kids to create a better world (maybe that's what made him so odd). And that meant protecting children from the myriad ways we have screwed things up, and keep screwing them up. People may think that making their kids into copies of themselves is a good thing, or maybe most people don't even consciously think about it, but it's bound to happen no matter what. That's what's so scary about our future. I don't buy into the theory of a "force" of evil, so much as people's fears of others not like them causing them to do evil things. It's amazing we're still here. Actually, if humanity makes it into the next century, it will be a miracle. The earth will be here for billions more years (assuming an asteroid doesn't take it out), but people won't.

    And it's because we refuse to live in the real world. How ironic is that, that the real world is a place where most of the world's people refuse to live?
     
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  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Interesting conversation guys. Actually I think that nothing in the world is more real than fear. It is an essential warning system that keeps us and our loved ones alive. But how to deal with fear in a healthy way. Thats something quite different. We have to learn to acknowledge it and learn to choose how to respond to it. That keeps us in tje real world. It is definitely easier to run away from it and stay in our little bubble..
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I agree that fear is a potent force, but I think love is as potent, or more. However, what we face here, as men of questionable habits, is not fear, so much as being in fear-stasis. We are in a perpetual holding pattern. Stopping PMO brings us to an important threshold. We are at the door, we can see a wonderful new vista...do we dare step into this unknown?
     
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  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for checking in and sharing your thoughts, Gilgamesh:) I'd agree with you that nothing in "this" world is more real than fear. The further I go on this journey, however, the more it becomes apparent that to me "this" world and the "real" world are entirely two different things...
     
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I'm reminded of the enormity of the fear of success that most people carry, Saville. We're so used to stumbling around in the dark, with those intermittent flashes of light (from the sparks ignited by our crashing and burning every now and again) giving us the illusion of being in a well lit room, that the idea of being whole-heartedly in the light scares the shit out of us - or rather, the addict we've attached ourselves into becoming. We can do much, much better than that. Thanks for helping to pave the way to that threshold:)
     
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  16. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Exactly! We have perverted our relationship to fear. Approaching fear should be a learning moment and a time for real growth! (I say this with a full admission that I am a chicken).
     
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  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Far better to be a chicken than to be chokin' the chicken, Caoimhin:D
     
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  18. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    NC Bob---- are you ok ? You have been thru some very emotional situations as of late.
     
  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for checking in, Bobo:)

    It's been a bit of an up and down stretch - lots of things happening - both good and challenging, over the past few weeks. My uncle died a couple of days ago, my car broke down last night, I'm going on vacation to Florida later today, I've had some unexpected expenses crop up, and some great things going on with my business. So plenty of emotional ups and downs to deal with.

    Plenty of opportunities to just stop and breathe as well.

    I'll be out of town for the better part of the next 8 days, and will check in on the other side of it.
     
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  20. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Have a good vacay! Some time challenging things make us look at the other side. It's a new game every day isn't it ? See you in a week or so.
     

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