Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    What's that saying about opinions, Moz? Something about opinions are like...:):D:)


    I think we all preach to ourselves when we post to others, I surely do!

    And you are correct:)

    Earlier in the day, I started to ruminate on some euphoric recall with PMO in my mind, and I could feel the sickeningly sweet dopamine drip wanting to flood my brain. Last week, I'd made a list of 6 questions to ask myself as a firewall to acting out:

    How will I feel when I'm done?

    What will I have accomplished when I'm done?

    What opportunities will I have missed when I'm done?

    In what ways will I have taken care of the immediate needs and demands of my business and my life when I'm done?

    In what ways will I have worked on my dreams and visions when I am done?

    Who will I have loved when I am done?

    My mind was foggy enough such that I struggled to be able to answer even the first question. So I went for a run, got my mind flowing in a different direction, and have been able to spend time constructively on the computer since then. Redirection during those "impossible" moments is key. And we have only ourselves to rely on during those moments....

    Glad to have you on board, Moz:D
  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Wow! Great post NCBob.
    NCBob likes this.
  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    So true, Bob. It is only the individual who ultimately decides to act or not to act on urges. That moment of decision we've talked about so many times has been getting us in trouble for... well, forever. It's part of the habit, this cycle of being in the same mental space, feeling that inevitability, hoping our willpower will win out this time and change our paradigm. And then realizing it hasn't. Again. This is what each of us must figure out. We are here because we know the short term pleasure IS NOT WORTH IT.
    Not sure where you are in your struggle at this moment, but wherever you are, I'm wishing you the best, my friend.
    NCBob and Boxer17 like this.
  4. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    That, my friend, is the everlasting rub!! How to change the discussion that goes on in our heads during that moment of decision
  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Hey Moz, I'm glad you checked in, as always:D

    I've been circling the same familiar block, and have found it extremely easy for me to get triggered into my well-worn rituals. I've also had some good stretches as well, and am very thankful for those. Yesterday was an interesting day, in that 3 separate times I sat down in front of my computer and began revving up my PMO machine, and just as quickly, ran away from the computer. The third time I literally ran away (I went out for a run), and that settled me in to a better frame of mind for the rest of the day.

    This is no easy shit...
  6. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    The everlasting rub is so intricately woven into that 'everlasting rub', Boxer17:)
    Boxer17 likes this.
  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Boxer17:)
  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    One of the things that I've read here and heard elsewhere is the 5-seccond rule - in that if we don't make a decision to do something within 5 seconds of having the thought of doing it, we're much less likely to make that decision. I'm often at that crossroads when I have the urge to drive aboard the PMO highway and it's followed by a thought to redirect elsewhere. If I don't redirect to something other than getting on that highway within those 5 seconds, it's likely not to happen. I need to be mindful of that, as it will prevent multiple train wrecks on my end.

    Things have remained pretty much the same with my PMO challenges. Sometimes drawn like a magnet and unwilling to turn off the switch, sometimes willing to turn off the switch, and sometimes free and clear of any urges. Regardless of where I'm at in the process, I'm always mindful of what I'm thinking, feeling, and doing.

    I've also become more aware of the tremendous argument I have between my 'let's stay sober side' and my 'let's plunge in the PMO pool' side. It is exhausting. It becomes increasingly clear that the solution is not going to be achieved in the battle of one over the other. Political bickering only leads to more of the same.

    I think I'll feel better if I choose not to invest energy in the argument and instead, let the wave pass through and over me. Redirecting quickly once I recognize the wave is coming will help as well. In 5 seconds or less:)

    In other areas of my life, things going very well. My relationship with my daughter continues to improve, and I've spent some quality time with her recently, and have thoroughly enjoyed being with her. This is really nice.

    My business continues to do well, I love what I do, and it's also paying the bills, keeping me comfortable, and paying for my daughter's out of state college tuition:) I also received an unexpected call yesterday from a previous business client who wants to resume a communications training program that I'd developed for their leadership in years past. There had been a change in leadership 2 years ago and they dropped the program.

    Unknown to myself, there was feedback inside the company from those who'd participated in it to restart it, and the new leadership has agreed to set things in motion again. I'm completely delighted, and if things play out as they've indicated, the next several years will provide me with plenty of opportunity to grow my business while helping out theirs, as they have a very large footprint across the country. Totally unexpected, and greatly appreciated:D

    I'm also noticing that I'm feeling happy, appreciative, and joyful almost all the time, even with my PMO struggles. I continue to feel a loving presence worm its way up through my being, regardless of what's happening in my life. I've worked hard to get here, and I've also given up much to get here.

    Clearly, there's a method to the madness, and despite my every now and again journeys into the madness, the method remains. Thank God for that:)
  9. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Thank you for that. I want to incorporate that thinking into my life
  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    You're welcome, Boxer17:)
  11. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I'm feeling a great deal of gratitude for my life at the moment. Reflecting on the good, the bad, and the ugly, somehow it all has helped contribute to where I am at today. It's persistence, not perfection:)
    Boxer17 likes this.
  12. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    You're right. Every single choice we have made in our lives has led to this moment. Scary when you think about it, because we've made some poor choices, for sure. But we made the choice to join this forum. The connection to the group's will to improve our lives is very powerful. Glad you're still here, bud!
    Boxer17 and NCBob like this.
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Glad you're still here too, Moz:)

    Life is a series of choices, some good, some bad, and some ugly. And yes, they all got us to here. That is pretty amazing.
    Boxer17 likes this.
  14. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I had an interesting moment yesterday. I was struggling with urges to veer off onto the PMO highway, and felt like a victim to my sexual urges. As in me feeling very, very small, and my urges very, very big. I stopped in my tracks and said to myself, coming from a place deep inside my being, "I am bigger than my urges, and I am not a victim of my urges!". It snapped me back to reality, and I was able to move on from that place without getting lost in my shuffle. I felt very empowered by doing that. I should do this more often:)
    Boxer17 likes this.
  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Wow. Great post! To be able to look beyond the moment to the bigger picture. Inspiring.

    So good to hear from you NCBob!
  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, Boxer17:)

    I've not been feeling well the past 6 days, which is good in that I don't have urges to deal with when I'm under the weather, and not so good in that I feel like crap:oops:

    Interesting that when I'm not feeling well, I see PMO as a complete waste of time. Maybe I need to stay sick to get better, lol:)
    Boxer17 likes this.
  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Spending a sober New Years Eve at home - sick as a dog with a cold, and glad that this evening I'm not stuck on the PMO treadmill. Here's to a sober 2019, comrades:)
    Doofus and Boxer17 like this.
  18. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Same to you Sir!!
    And treadmill is a very apt term!:D
    NCBob and Doofus like this.
  19. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hope your cold resolves soon, but your resolve to stay sober does not!

    Cheers, brother!
    NCBob and Boxer17 like this.
  20. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Indeed it is, Boxer17:)

    Cheers to your continued growth and health in 2019!!!

Share This Page