Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    But if they do fall down they get right back up and just keep going.
  2. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Mozenjo - spent some time this week doing work with some men who remembered all the "great" tv shows, commercials, and sayings from the 1960's - it was hilarious, as well as a WTF moment for folks who were not in our age group :)

    I have a difficult time rewarding myself for a job well done in healthy ways. I finished up a challenging, rewarding, and profitable training engagement for a business this week, and immediately went to the computer to get lost in the porn. In observing myself, it's clear that I would benefit by getting myself in bed early, and give myself some rest, as I was clearly exhausted. Rather than doing that, I induced the dopamine drip, and PMO'd a couple of times. Up late, very little sleep, and I'm left with sludge-head as a reward.

    I notice that I have a quiet voice inside that gently steers me to get some rest. And my loud pleasure seeking voice that steers me in the other direction. I'm not very good at listening to that quiet voice.

    I know that getting that rest would be good for me, but I struggle with letting go of control. I need to be much more vigilant about choosing sleep rather stimulating the hell out of myself.

    If others can relate, I'd certainly like to hear how you manage this...
  3. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Exactly, A Tall Guy :)

    Immediately, and for that I'm grateful...
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Hey there, thought I'd weigh in with my thoughts on your question about dealing with fatigue and the faltering that can happen as a result. Each time I've relapsed these last few months, I've been in the same state of mind (bored, anxious and tired all at once).

    The last time I felt like it was going to happen, I was especially exhausted. I was sitting at the computer having that classic battle with myself, really about to say "to hell with it" and rub one out.
    My mind could not focus on anything approximating work. Unfortunately, the go-to method of winding down the engine before shutting it off is the old standard. Luckily, this time I was so tired, it wasn't as hard to shut the computer off and go to bed. And, voila! the urge wasn't there anymore when I woke up.

    But going to bed whenever the urge strikes isn't exactly viable. People would think we're narcoleptic :-[

    So to answer your question of how to manage it, what's been working for me so far on this latest run (a whopping 20 days), is to stay completely away from peeking. Whether I'm tired or not, allowing myself to start down the path of checking out pictures, even of fully clothed women in "benign" settings, doesn't work out well.

    If you haven't already, read Midge's description of his method for "ducking under the wave" in Ruggerdoug's journal yesterday. I believe it's a blueprint for how to deal with the urge when it strikes. He's really got the recipe, I think. It's quite simple; divert, move on to something else. Let it pass.

    It's a muscle that will get stronger as you use it.

    I think you're doing great, NCB. This little stumble won't be a real setback unless you let it be so. Just be the strong weeble and get right back up!
  5. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    thanks for your thoughts, Mozenjo :)

    I often use the ducking under the wave analogy, but not as often, actually use it. Thanks for the reminder!

    Time to spend some time at the ocean :)
  6. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Just wanted to check in - the past few days have been exhausting - both emotionally and physically. I've been running back and forth between diving into porn, and then just as quickly, pulling the plug on it. It has been crazy the number of times I've gone back and forth with this the past several days. I am really struggling with just letting go and committing to my recovery. The allure of the porn is so powerfully intoxicating that if I just sniff it, I'm off and running. Just. Plain. Exhausting. And completely fruitless.

    Commitment. Phobic. Argh :(
  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I've been oscillating all over the place with my addiction - leaping from one side of the fence to the other - and then back again, quicker than you can say this sucks!

    I've been really struggling with trust - trusting that I have enough, that I will earn enough, that I am enough.

    That being said, I keep getting validation from the universe - kind of a "just in time" sort of way, that my needs are being met - at all levels. My addict doesn't want to believe it is true, and keeps driving me towards the porn.

    I just got a call from a very large business that I have done some work with during the past two years, and they have received some excellent feedback from folks who I have worked with about my services. They want me to to do more extensive trainings going forward with the company, and from the looks of it, this could be a very long term relationship that will prove quite profitable - as well as very fulfilling for myself.

    If that's the case, no longer will I have to worry about my finances, as I could essentially write my own ticket with the company going forward.

    Quite naturally, my addiction starts kicking around in the cage, and clamoring for attention. It's clear that my addiction is a fear driven creation to create the illusion of abundance (shit - how many thousands of pictures and videos do I need to download and hoard to fill it's insatiable appetite?). But it is not the real deal, and my brain is having a helluva time accepting that.

    If I am willing to accept reality, which is that I have abundance landing on my lap, and all I need to do is show up for it, then things will turn out much better than I could have ever expected.

    If you've got some positive vibes to send my way, I'd sure appreciate it.

    This self-sabotaging is getting very old, and I need to get all of me pointed in the right direction.
  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I'm also noticing that the universe's timing of things is much better than that I could have ever orchestrated. Time to take note ;D
  9. Syd

    Syd New Member

    Positive vibes headed your way, NCB. Sounds like a great opportunity!

    It's funny how that works. I had kind of a lackluster June/July and let PMO get a small piece of me back, other than during a clean vacation (no internet). Being back here at YBR, and having cleaned up my act since early August, I've had a couple of new business opportunities arrive on the scene, and just got a cool speaking engagement for early next year. I can't say that no-PMO is the *cause* of good things happening to me, but maybe the universe is telling me otherwise.
  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for the vibes, Syd :) I can feel 'em!

    I'm glad to hear that you've had some opportunities land on your lap as well. Gotta love when that happens :) And a speaking engagement besides!

    I've often wondered if there is a relationship between opportunities appearing and no-PMO... My sense is that the universe keeps sending the opportunities regardless, but if I've got my head up my butt, I miss 'em :)
  11. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    I think you and Syd nailed it, NCB. Opportunities are everywhere, always. I'm trying to drop the regret for letting so many good things pass on by in my past, and focus on what I can do today.
    Regarding your "trust" conversation, things seem to be going really well for you in your career. Keep telling yourself that you are not only worthy of all of the bounty you're currently reaping, but that this is but a taste of things to come. I also believe dropping PMO is a big part of allowing ourselves permission to squeeze more juice out of life.
    More positive vibes sent your way. Keep the spirit burning, buddy.
  12. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks for the inspirational words, Mozenjo :) I do deserve this, no questions asked.
  13. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Just spent some time away on vacation, and without any distractions, porn wasn't an option. As soon as I get back in town, it became the only option. Back to square one :)
  14. Lightning Man

    Lightning Man New Member

    Sounds like to me you need to have another option. One thing to consider: coming here instead of looking at porn. I have found that I have been doing that during my current streak. It's not the only thing I have done, but it is one.
  15. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Coming here with the attitude of wanting to reach out and encourage and support others when I have been feeling really low and just wanting to look at porn has been helpful for me as well.
  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Lightning Man - I need to do exactly that. I just finished another wanking session, and I can't believe the tunnel vision I get when in that place. I conveniently forget that I have choices - but I have plenty of them. I need to be intentional with this.
  17. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, A Tall Guy :) I need to move away from being so self-absorbed when in my shit... This is a great place to help move out of that space. I just need to choose to use it.
  18. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I've been in a sinkhole of shit the past 4 days - it seems that at every chance I get, I've been downloading porn and edging out the wazoo. I'm intentionally getting myself out of my funk as I write this. I have way too many good things going on in my life to be doing this. When I immerse my brain in porn, I'm in total survival mode, with the only good feelings being the dopamine hits that I am constantly giving myself. The reality of my life is that I am not in survival mode - but having many things going on that reflect that I am thriving. It's time to accept this and move on from the porn...
  19. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Viewing porn, even if not PMO-ing isn't much different in my opinion than PMO-ing to it. Is this what you mean by "edging", looking but not touching? Still got the dopamine flowing, and that dopamine is the issue. It will be tough to get out of the cycle that way. Got to go cold turkey, get some distance from it, in my opinion.

    I recently went through a week of a few all nighters viewing pre-porn images, bikinis and such, the dopamine was powerful and was as additive, was sucking me into the whirlpool of progressively deeper shit. I had to end it cold, tough to do, but had to or I'd be right back where I started a year and a half ago. I still feel the undertow.
  20. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Just wondering if you have any explanation for what is going on? Can you trace it back to something? Feeling tired? A specific incident? Something on your mind?

    I find that urges and slips have generally had some kind of obvious trigger point.

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