Looking for love in all the wrong places...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by NCBob, May 6, 2014.

  1. ravensrock

    ravensrock New Member

    Thanks for the clarification NCB. That's kind of where I thought you were going. I've been thinking about what Jesus says in Matthew about how clinging to our life only results in losing it- turning them over to Him and we find life. But you're right...the letting go part isn't always easy.
     
  2. tonym

    tonym Member

    Way to go Ravenstock. With all the crap going on in your life, avoiding PMO is something positive. That's how I look at my situation. Things may suck in areas of my life, but at least I am beating PMO. One giant positive step towards success. Work and car repairs are nothing compared to this addiction. An addiction together we can all beat!
     
  3. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Just noticing how easy it is for me to be devoid of hope and oblivious to opportunities when on my addictive treadmill. And how easy it is for me to be open to hope and opportunity when I step off the treadmill. The intensity of PMO prevents intimacy on all fronts.

    I often confuse pleasure with love. Pleasure, I have control over. And just like candy, too much pleasure gives me "cavities" - both physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

    Love is a different animal. Lot's of letting go, having faith, trusting the process, being open to possibilities that seem beyond my reach, which is a much more fluid and dynamic place to be.

    For the moment, I'm off the treadmill and open, and thankful for it.
     
  4. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Just keep it going NCB, get some distance and that hopeful and clearer state will be present more often.
     
  5. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Great words NCB. Life's issues don't go away with no PMO but I feel better equipped to handle them. Positive & negative thinking are quite powerful.
     
  6. tonym

    tonym Member

    You guys are all great for posting and sharing. Today work took me by an X rated store that I frequented more often than I'd like to admit. I used to go in for some mid day PMO. Throw some token into the booth and a escape into my addiction for a few moments. Also got to know some of the girls who sometimes worked the booths. For me, that was a dopamine rush to the max. The porn, the physical contact, and the rush of getting off before getting caught, phew. Thankfully the gods looked down on me and I never got arrested for it. Driving by there today one of the girls recognized my car and waved at me to come in the store. I waved back and kept on driving. My body reaction was intense. Full body sweat, shakes and headache. My heart pounding I drove a few blocks further and pulled over to calm down. I did ponder going back there for a moment, but only for a moment. With everything to lose, I drove back here and thankful that I did. I have come too far to throw it away. I will be processing the incident and have already learned to drive around the block to avoid it happening again. Take care all and have a safe weekend.
     
  7. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, A Tall Guy. The trick is to get that distance. The struggle de jour :)

    Speaking of distance, I was out jogging yesterday. I was in the bike lane facing traffic and a car veered into where I was running (the driver was on his cell phone). I saw it at the last moment and leaned away from it, and got nailed in the side by the car's side view mirror. I remember looking down and seeing about 2 inches of separation between myself and the car. A really short distance between having a bruise and just being sore today, and having broken bones, being in the hospital, or being dead.

    That fine line is the same one I'm needing to navigate in my recovery. Either I'll have just a few close calls, a few bumps and bruises, and be on my way, or it will be a full-fledged train wreck.

    And if I liken my self to being the one driving the car, either I'll be so distracted by my PMO that I'm going to run over others, or I'll be paying attention and be safely on my way.

    It's such a fine line between living and dying.
     
  8. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Thanks, WRAT.
    You're right. Thinking in of itself is powerful - which is a scary thought. Especially when it's in the wrong hands - or the the hands of my addict. I've got much to do to shift it into the hands of my higher self.
     
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    so are you, tonym :)

    It's amazing how simple visual cues can go such a long way in igniting the flame of our addiction. I'm glad you were able to steer clear of the bonfire. That is no easy thing :)
     
  10. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    Just spent some time with my 16 year old daughter, who at times, seems to go out of her way to be sarcastic and critical of me. No matter what I say or how I say it to let her know how I feel about this, she finds a way to turn it around on me. Exhausting.

    So I'm sitting in front of my computer, and like a light switch, my addiction steps in and entices me to start the same old ritual to medicate my angst and frustration. I am now going out for a run...
     
  11. tonym

    tonym Member

    good choice NCB. don't forget to stretch :)
     
  12. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    thanks, tonym

    Just got back, mind in a better space, other healthier choices now in my range of vision :)
     
  13. tonym

    tonym Member

    Anytime NCB. I am shutting it down here on the west coast. Thought I would check the site for a little motivation and support before heading home. This site and you guys have changed my life. Only a few days away from a month without PMO. Last month I would have spanked one out to porn before heading home to the wife. Then pretend to be tired from a days work. I am liking this alternative better :)
     
  14. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Just listening in, thanks for the positive vibes NCB and tonym, I can't see too many smiley faces on a day like today, a ok day that I have not been appreciating.
     
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    way to go, tonym!
     
  16. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)


    here you go, A Tall Guy :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
     
  17. tonym

    tonym Member

    Nice NCB ! :)
     
  18. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Wow! Now I can go to sleep with a smile on my face. Thanks.
     
  19. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    One of my biggest challenges in life is in containing my excitement. I've had a number of very exciting and lucrative opportunities this past week open up with my business, and the addict in me wants to go splurge (re: splat :))

    I need to take plenty of deep breaths, focus on staying balanced, enjoy the hell out of the creative license I have in these opportunities, allow my excitement to nourish my entire being, and go for a run. This would be much more fulfilling than dissipating it through pornographic pixelation.

    Sometimes, it is incredibly difficult to remain present for the gifts I've been given :)
     
  20. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    run completed...nice to feel relaxed :)
     

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