Looking for feedback

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Doofus, Jan 8, 2014.

  1. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member


    I'm 48 and am 2 weeks into my first serious problem with ED. I'm not entirely sure that porn is the reason, but I do know that I've been using porn - almost exclusively - for my sexual outlet for many years now. Here is my situation:

    1. Right before the problems began, I was actually very horny. My wife and I had sex mutltiple times (which is very unusual, she hasn't shown much interest for a while - thus the porn). It wasn't vaginal sex as she can't get wet anymore (she's a couple years older than I. To a certain extent this seems like old people problems, but, 50 ish shouldn't be the end, right??
    2. I've been sick with bronchitis the last 2 weeks. Not terribly sick, though, and being ill has not been a problem in the past
    3. About a week ago, my wife and I had sex and, I was quite hard at first, but, I couldn't get the condom on and then lost it - For whatever reason I was thinking that I would
    4. I've been able to masturbate to orgasm a couple times, but did so only getting hard right at the end. It took some work.
    5. Though the ed problem is new, I've long had a problem with being unable to cum - maybe every other time I have sex. I have thought that that was related to porn
    6. AFter findint Your Brain on Porn website a couple days ago, I've gone cold turkey. In fact, because I was traveling at the beginning of the two weeks without internet access, I haven't watched porn but once during that time.
    7. In the last day or so, I have gotten turned on by things that wouldn't have turned me on before - because, I think of porn. I mean just women in every day clothes. And by turned on, I mean there's a stirring down there, but only a little, but, I'm mentally turned on in a way I haven't been for a very long time.

    I guess my question is: Could the effects of porn addiction really have manifested themselves so dramatically and quickly? And is this really because of porn? I've been using porn pretty much every day for years now - often multiple times in a day. That would indicate that the answer is probably yes, but the downturn (no pun intended) was so dramatic. Shouldn't the effects have come on (god everything seems like a double entedre) more gradually?

    Thanks if you've read through this long post. I'm really stressing about this. I guess I've never had such an unresponsive penis before. Ever.
    nuclpow likes this.
  2. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    I have no personal experience but it sounds like PIED. I suppose the only think to do at this point is to do a 90 day reboot from P and see what happens. Good Luck.
  3. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    So, I'm really panicking. It's now been almost 3 weeks and things seem to be getting worse. I've been really horny - lots of thoughts of sex, almost squriming, but no hard on. I just tried to get one, and, no dice. In fact as I started stroking it, it shrunk. And now it hurts, like it's raw, but I didn't really tug on it hard or long at all.
    I've had no desire to look at porn. That fact worries me as other accounts tell of people craving it bad. I wonder if I was really hooked? And if not, then what's the problem. I did an internet search and diabetes seems to be a common cause, but ed is the only symptom I have.

    I'm really worried. This just doesn't seem right.

    The only bright spot is that - I think - I had a hard on in the middle of the night last night, which woke me up. But maybe I dreamt it? I don't think so, but.... I really thought that it and how focused on sex my brain has been lately were good signs that I was recovering. Now, I'm just despairing.
    nuclpow likes this.
  4. chopper


    go to a doctor first and check out your hormones and if you have any medical issues so you can at least rule them out and start no pmo anyway until you get the results back and then make your own decision about whether to continue. dont rule out stress or other serious issues. ed and loss of libido could be a sign of something more serious .
  5. TheCure

    TheCure New Member

    Good advice chopper.
  6. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    Well, I'm feeling a bit better this morning. I woke up twice last night with erections, one of them full on. This hadn't happened, or, at least I wasn't sure it had happened, in a while - since before this problem started, actually. So, at least I know it's not (strictly..) physical. Other than trying last night, I've been no PMO for about 8 days. Before that I had a few days after I came back from my trip when I tried - and succeeded with O through M. I had sex with my wife which started out well, but ended when it was time to put on the condom - of course by then I was already freaking out a little.

    Anyway, I have a business trip next week, but I plan on going to see the doctor when I come back (if things haven't improved...) I'm generally pretty healthy, about 10 pounds overweight, exercise regularly, eat pretty well. I saw a doctor last week for bronchitis, and my BP was OK (118/80). I drink too much. I'm going to start working on that next.

    Thanks for the feedback.
  7. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    OK. I guess this might become a little journal for me. Woke up twice again last night. The first was to pee - no erection. The second was because I was having a vivid sex dream, or... well in the dream someone (it was kind of me, but I was watching so..) was tellling someone else about having sex. And there was a woman in bed with me. Typing it now it seems obvious that this was about porn, but who knows? Anyway, when I woke up I was at about 75% erection. It went away pretty quickly. But, again, I'm encouraged by the fact that I can achieve an erection. I was pretty horny during different times of the day - no corresponding erection then, though.

    I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I have had a little pain at the tip of my penis; it sometimes hurts more when I pee. Could I have an infection? Could this be what started this whole thing? I just got done with a Z pack for bronchitis. Wouldn't that have knoced it out? Has anyone else had that symptom during reboot?

    Some posiitves: I'm feeling much more clearheaded, much less anxious. It's still kind of XMas break for me; the real test is coming up, but, my memory seems better than it has in a long time. Could quitting P be the reason?

    I'm starting to crave P a little. Last night I was tempted. That was the first time since before Christmas I really wanted to watch.
  8. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    So, woke up once last night, no hard on. The big news, though, is that I was able to have sex yesterday! I was very horny, and very focused on my wife - no thoughts of fantasy women as in the past to get me through. Now, not everything was perfect. At first I was only at about 50% erection. Eventually, though, I reached maybe 90%; I was able to enter and to reach O - not too quickly, but it didn't take too long either. So far, no adverse effects, other than that I"m not so all-fire horny and that I'm craving porn a little (the chaser effect??). I haven't relapsed, though. Although I'm feeling the urge, it's - so far - pretty easy to resist.

    That said, it hasn't been as easy - or even possible - to resists sexy images, or sexy scenes in movies. I"m not exactly seeking them out, but... well, almost every gateway site has some news story or gratuitous pictures whose intent is to arouse you sexually and to get you to clck on the link. I haven't always resisted that.

    I"m sleeping much better, my anxiety is better, my mood and energy - all better. Don't know if that's all related, but, based on other info I've been reading, it's possible. In any event, I'm happy about it.

    I have two questions if anyone is interested in responding:

    1. Am I cheating by lingeing over the sexy images - although I don't think they're porn and this slowing my recovery I'm not M to them and not using them for fantasy. The only fantasies I'm having, and they're not consciously generated involve real women, or, one woman in particular (not my wife... it's a long story)
    2. Does flatline ever return after you've gone through it? I'm terrified that that might come back. I'm just out of it now a few days... it sucked.
  9. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    OK. No morning wood, and, as far as I know no night time erection either. I think I wrote above that I've had this sort of tingling pain at/in the tip of my penis for a while. Has anyone else had this? Here are theories:

    1. Resensitization
    2. Alcoholism. I looked it up this symptom with impotence and that's what I got. I'm a drinker. It seems weird that I'd first experience nerve death only there and not in my feet or hands at all, but, I guess it's possible.
    3. I got new running pants for Christmas. They were cheap and have a really rough mesh lining. There is a little raw spot but it doesn't seem to be the source of the pain or not exactly. Plus it's kind of inside my penis too.
    4. Urinary tract infection. Probably not. I don't really have any of the other symptoms.

    As usual, feedback is welcome.
  10. Mart71

    Mart71 Guest

    1. Behaviors that mimic using P should probably avoided. If you get a rush searching for sexy images for some time, like some people do with P, this might activate the old and dying P pathways back into action. So, better be careful with doing that. Looking at a beautiful woman will always be allowed of course, as long as you don't want to go the completely asexual route.

    2. From what I read, flatlines can return several times for some men. It is a bit different for everyone. Personally my own flatline did not come back, but I have serious fluctuations in libibo. That is a bit troublesome, when they happen with your gf close and you go from super-horny for her to "Sex? meh..." within a matter of a few days.
  11. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    I can't comment on the physiological issues, but your concerns seem like the kind of things a doctor needs to address. When I began experiencing ED, it was sudden. For no reason at all, I just could not maintain. That was followed by a few years of Internet porn, and I am convinced that activity prolonged whatever it was that caused the initial ED. Rebooting has brought back overnight erections, but I'm still not confident that I'd be able to perform.
  12. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    So the tingling is gone, but so is the horniness. Could they be related? My penis is not dead like it was a couple weeks ago, but I haven't had any night or morning time activity either.
    I don't think it's medical given that I was able to with my wife last weekend although it was slow to come around and I don't think it was evern 100%. It wasn't my desire though. I WANTED her. I'm starting to wonder if it's psychological? Like I was so accustomed to getting off every day that when I didn't for a a few days while I traveled for Christmas, and then couldn't when I got back, that now I"m just sort of freaked out about it. I"m rambing....
    I go through periods of feeling confident that I'm better - like if I were in a situation where I could have sex, I could have sex, and then periods where I don't think it will work. My penis seems more sensitive than it has in a while, like it has more feeling, even if that's not generating any erections. Is that function of age regardless of PIED?

    And thanks for the responses. It's helpful to 'talk' to others going through this -and to read especially, about those who came through the other side.
  13. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    So, I'm back from the trip. Two of the last three nights I woke up with wood. One of those times, I woke up because my erection was painfully being cut into by a thread in my pajamas. I no longer think that I my problems are principally physical. Also...

    This is straying off topic a bit, but, since it doesn't really seem anyone is that interested in my story here and since I can't possibly talk to anyone about this (as you'll see below) I can't see what harm it will do to use this forum to help me feel better by talking about things. Anyway..

    I had an affair 3 years or so ago. We only were sexual a few times before the guilt got to me and I ended things. We've stayed in sporadic contact since. She is in the same field as I and applied for a position where I work. I hadn't told her about the position because I didn't think she would be interested given our history. Anyway, she did apply. I was a little freaked out as I would be her boss and, when we've discussed things - which isn't frequent - we've both acknowledged that there's a strong attraction between us. I asked to meet her for lunch and we did, the day before I left for the XMAS visit with my family. After lunch she told me she was going to withdraw her application as she was still in love with me. To be honest, I feel the same.

    She was at the conference I just got back from. One reason I thought I might be having difficulties with ED is that I'm so conflicted about her and the whole situation. I knew that we might hook up at the conference. Just thinking about that - even over the last few weeks - got me going in ever way but a full erection. Anyway, we did meet for drinks at the conference and I was semi-hard the entire time - like 50% or so. We again acknowledged the attraction I thought she was going to end up going back to the hotel with me, but she didn't. I won't bore you with all the ins and outs of that, but I must admit that I was half relieved given my recent problems - and, also that I've put on weight since we last saw each other naked; not weight that is noticable with clothes on, but I just don't look fit anymore. Probably I'm 20 pounds heavier and it's not 20 pounds of muscle.

    I'm writing all this because afterward I decided that I was just going to focus on my wife from now on. While I was gone, I spoke to my wife every day and she kept saying how much she missed me etc. I think what she meant though is that she missed all the things I do around the house.
    Our sex life is not good. At all. I'll make this shorter than it might be by saying we don't have sex much (this is how my porn habit developed) and I don't see that changing. I thought she'd be all excited (including in that way) when I got back... nope. I guess I was hoping not expecting. Anyway, I'm writing this hoping I can stop thinking about sex/feeling horny. Given that the way out of the PIED (and, I do think that that is a big factor in my problem) is to resist PMO, except with an actual person and my wife isn't interested and the woman I have this incredible connection with is many states away, involved in a relationship herself and unwilling to get with me unless... well, I don't know unless what.... what the heck am I supposed to do. Do you guys out there who are going through this while single, or worse, in a sexless relationship, really just forego sexual release??? Ugh. I am so tempted right now to watch some P and just get off (if I could, when I tried the couple times at the beginning of this looking at porn actually made my dick shrink.

    Anyway... bad day so far. I've got a lot of work to catch up on and I haven't run yet. Hopefully those will help me through today and tomorrow will be better.

    If anyone is actually (still) reading thanks. Iimagining someone doing so helps me out.
  14. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Take a look at LTE's journal...http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=4777.msg302856#new

    He is 386 days since he last masturbated and is single, for now. He has written a lot on how to maintain total sobriety.
  15. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Hey D. Doesn't the fact that looking at P did the opposite of arousing you, vividly point out how pornography is not the answer to your problems?

    P is not going to help you; only make your situation worse.
  16. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    Thanks, guys. I just got back from a 'run' (very slow...) and I do feel better. I'll make it through today. I think others have noted this, but exercise is key.
  17. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    I think a big part of our problem is that we focus too much on our needs and not the needs of others. Other people need us. Our wives need us. Instead of thinking that we are entitled to sex we need to focus on the needs of others. Some argue that we are addicted to ejaculations. That we chase ejaculations runing from one to the next. Unless your wife has a physical problem your relationship will improve the more you are on the path to recovery.
  18. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    fap: You're right, of course, but I am not in favor of celibacy. I think sex is vitally important to a romantic relationship - it's why so many on here are upset. Most women will leave a relationship in which the man cannot perform. That said you do have a point in that I shouldn't use my wife - or anyone else- simply to relieve my sexual frustration.

    I did end up complaining to my wife on Sunday. I hadn't wanted to, but she could tell something was wrong and kept pestering me to tell her what it was. The end result was that we had sex yesterday. The good news is that, though I wasn't hard until we actually started making out, I did get hard and pretty quickly and fully. I also came kind of qucikly unfortunately (after I got her off orally...). I wonder if this is due to increased sensitivity due to no PMO program, or, if it's that we're not using condoms for the first time in 14 years. Anyway, my penis worked. Now that I"m thinking about it, though I might not have quite been 100%; I was hard but not as large as I have been..... who knows though.

    I was pretty satisfied the rest of the day, though this morning I"m back to being horny horny horny. I was looking up James Bond movies - I couldn't remember if I'd seen Quantum of Solace and ended up lingering over pictures of Bond Girls. No masturbating, but I'm pretty wound up now. So, I thought I'd try writing here so that I don't relapse.

    Anyway...thanks to anyone who takes the time to read my ramblings. I hope that, given that I'm somewhat cured I can provide a little inspiration. I haven't PM'd or O'd outside of sex with a real person, for the last 3 weeks. And real women are making me horny again in a way they hadn't in years and years. It's nice.
  19. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    Well, I just found out I'm off one of my jobs today due to 'impending' weather. Who knows? So I'm lying in bed surfing the internet and feeling very tempted. So again, I'll write here a little.

    It occurs to me I haven't given my P history.

    I was a (near..) daily user for, probably, 8 or 9 years of internet porn. I jacked off at least once, and most often twice per day. I never really thought I had performance issues until last month when I experienced dead dick after not PMO'ing for a week due to travel. I had noticed before in the weeks before XMAS, though, that porn wasn't really doing it for me anymore; or I was having to spend more and more time looking for a video which could get me up and off. Also, for years now, I've had a hard time getting off during actual sex. I never connected this fact to my porn use except to think, well, of course I've already cum twice today so I had a difficult time...

    This all seemed justifiable as my life is extremely demanding and, for that and for other reasons I don't fully understand, my wife and I have gone months at a time without sex. I've had a couple affairs, but ended both out of guilt.

    I used porn though not only because I was horniy, but because like many here it alleviated my sometimes high anxiety.

    Here's what I've noticed, though, only having been avoiding PM for 3 and most of 5 weeks now: My anxiety is - essentially - gone. I can't remember if I read it here or on the porn and ed website, but this may well have to do with brain chemistry re-setting and that my anxiety which drove me to M was actually caused by my masturbation and porn use - a vicious cycle.
  20. Doofus

    Doofus Active Member

    So, had wood when I woke up last night. Went away as I woke up. We had the morning off because of weather again. Very very horny. Tried to interest wife, no dice.

    Today has not been a good day so far. I actually sought out pictures of scantily clad actresses. I tried to chat with the 'other woman' I talked about above. She's been being coy I guess. She and I have never had cyber sex and it's so long since our relationship was sexual. Still contacting her was related to my fixation on sex right now. So that's bad. The good thing is that I haven't indulged in M, though, so I'm hoping that that is mitigating against reinforcing the pathways laid down by porn even though I spent probably 10 minutes this morning looking at sexy pictures. I"m just so horny, I'd like some release, but I'm hanging in there. I really hope this isn't my new normal

    My anxiety levels are good, still. So that fact is helping me stay disciplined. I am sadder than I normally am, or than I was when I was viewing porn all the time. Related? Who knows? Some of it is how conflicted and pessimistic I am about my romantic life. Other people count their days of PMO free behavior. I think I'm up to 20 or so now, although, as I've noted, I' have had orgasms, but they were with my wife, so, personally, I'm not counting those.

    Thanks for reading - anyone who is. Imagining someone doing so is helping me to stay away from porn, especially.

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