Looking at photos of old girlfriends

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by A97CU4ca, May 29, 2019.

  1. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Last night I was going nuts (and only my first day of no PMO).

    I didn't want to look at porn, but I needed some sort of outlet.

    I hopped on FB, but I didn't want to condition myself to more pixels of strange women-- I started looking at photos of girls I either had intimate relationships with or hooked up with at some point, and rubbed one out.

    I know this isn't any better for my addiction--- but is there a gradual way to fight this? Does anyone have any tips?
     
  2. o2bfree

    o2bfree New Member

    .. needed some sort of outlet ". I'm the last person to be preaching..But this is not the best way to begin the process (?) A97.
    We're told go for a walk, exercise.listen to music, do not use media that has potential to trigger you to PMO. Once your stronger, perhaps, perhaps not.
     
  3. doneatlast

    doneatlast Active Member

    The gradual way is to regroup afterward and figure out where you went wrong so you can avoid it again. Each and every time should be able to give some lesson, albeit many repeat lessons and some lessons you may not understand until further down the road.

    You figured out two things: 1) your porn brain will redirect you to the most porn-like thing it thinks it can get away with. And, 2) Social media is a pseudo-porn for you. Getting off of FB could be a good strategy.
     
  4. WilliamOneAndDone

    WilliamOneAndDone Active Member

    Quitting easy is the addict's dream. We have not figured out how to do that yet, and when we do, it won't be called an addiction any more. There is no gradual way to fight it. Wish there were. The closest thing to gradual is gradually accepting you have to quit, period. That involves knowing the pain that will come with that, accepting the pain, embracing the pain. In my case it came with wanting the pain. It's a mind trick, really, but when you are truly ready to quit, you will wake up one day and want the pain of saying no more than the feeling of saying yes. Mentally, right now, you are thinking in terms of replacing the addiction with something else. All those something elses--they will help--but the trick in overcoming addiction is not to replace it. Long term, it is learning to live without it. That takes time, effort, and did I mention it is going to hurt? Yeah, think I did. My advice, don't look for an easy way out, because there isn't one. Accept it is going to hurt, then look forward to that. If you want it bad enough, you'll do it. If not, you won't. It's really just that simple.
     
    doneatlast likes this.
  5. Joost

    Joost New Member

    It might be wise to ask yourself, why you needed some sort of outlet?
    What was it you didn't want to give your attention that made you think you needed to look at porn instead?
    That thought that suggested you need porn now, was a lie.
    Porn is no requirement to function.

    Let's say for example, you come back home from a day at your new workplace. Colleges picked on you for being a little slow-minded. They had no patience with you as a newcomer. You really need this job however to finance your driver's license. Their mean comments are still working on you as you get home and they make you question your ability to keep a job. Your confidence is already low because a few weeks before your girlfriend dropped you after a fight in which she called you a lowlife, pissed off because you quit a job that just wasn't your thing. As you get home in the apartment were you used live with her, you really feel bad about yourself. Out of habit you sit down in front of the computer. You try to read something about wood-crafting, but your mind just isn't there. You can't follow. It's there a subtle thought wavers through your mind: Maybe i'm really a slow-minded lowlife who can't get keep up with anything for long enough for it to make a positive difference in my life or anyone elses. Luck always slips me through the fingers. I guess i'll never... I'm to slow to catch it. I guess i'm not worth it. BAM... A hammer of self-judgement drops. From here on your body responds with the artificial need for porn. The problem is the whole thing is based on a lie. Something told you, you're not worth to live a fulfilled life in which you can put your particular talents to use. The truth is you are worthy in the eyes of God (regardless of current circumstances) and the people who love you. If you chose to believe the truth, the lie will simply dissipate for the treacherous layer of mist it is.

    You might have just simply needed someone to tell you you're an allright dude, despite being a 'slowmind sloucher.'
     
  6. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    I wouldn't really put things that way, but if it helps you, I understand it. The feelings of self-hate don't hit me until after the deed (as with most people I think). Otherwise, my life is okay. My job is high-stress, but also high-reward. I don't really get picked on, I'm not sure where that came from, but okay. I'm not into any weird porn (it sounds like maybe you're into that humiliation stuff, which I don't get either), and I don't consider myself lazy or stupid. Thanks for taking the time to write the analogy though.
     
  7. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Yes, this was what I needed to hear. I hung out with a friend yesterday after work, did a full 24 hours, feel pretty okay right now. Thanks Brother!
     
    WilliamOneAndDone likes this.
  8. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Yes, it definitely wasn't the right move. :-/
     
  9. A97CU4ca

    A97CU4ca New Member

    Ain't that the truth. I've reassessed and figured out where I went wrong. I completed a full 24 hours, amd I'm not even thinking about it now (funny enough) but I imagine that will change.
     
  10. o2bfree

    o2bfree New Member

    Great news. Sounds cliche A97-but one day at a time.
     

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