Life to the max

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by robprov, May 30, 2012.

  1. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    I always felt the urge to grow and become strong, adventurous, healthy and creative. I was bad ass teenager, I trouble with the law, drank and partied. Grew up eventually. Those who know me now, know me as the kind of person who they admire. Offbeat, fun, adventurous, creative, philosophical, ambitious on and on....but I always kept a secret.

    I'm 53. Married with a teen age daughter. I'm a great dad, good husband, but haven't had sex with my wife going on a year and a half. I thought we'd never have sex again, and felt ok to blame it on my wife going through menopause. Truth is, I find the porn online much more exciting, easy and less complicated.
    I started masturbating when I was about 14. Then I started into voyeurism, running around the neighborhood, spying on girls.
    I even spied in high school, jerked off in my pants in class, and while driving in my car later on.

    I eventually stopped spying, well almost, as I do occasionally. Like on a beach, under a towel, when no one sees me. I almost think I like the challenge as much as the orgasm. I'm always afraid too that the opportunity to spy, if and when presented, make weaken me....

    But the biggest struggle has been online. I jerk off once everyday, at night. Some times twice, but not that often. I always justified it, since I work hard, am ambitious, and seem to life to the max. But I know this is dragging me down. I'm glad I found this site. Wow, to think it's just not me and I'm not alone. I know the power of community. I used to drink too much in my twenties and quit when I was 31, joining AA and ACOA. It worked like magic for me. I was what I consider a 'high bottom' drinker, never having suffered much from my activities. (this could be the worst kind, since we think we have it under control- who knows...)

    I found this site through a Ted video, which led me to yourbrainonporn.com which brought me here. I'm glad to be here. The stories, and the facts behind this affliction worked on me right away and I immediately stopped. Too soon to say, but 4 days so far is the most I've ever gone. Ever. So far so good. I feel that life will be even better if I can channel my sexual energy and drive.
    I'm here. And I feel good....
     
  2. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    Congratulations robb

    It's never too late to turn your life around.

    I understand how you feel and I am sure you are a good father and the fact that you are here shows you want to be a good husband.

    I to am married an am dealing with PMO. I try to be the best husband I can be but until we give the addiction up we will never achieve our true potential in life.

    It's never too late and as an older man I am sure you will have a lot of wisdom to offer the rest of us.

    Good luck.
     
  3. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    thanks. Staying focused. And one day at a time....reading up on other stories here and other sites, but mostly staying away from porn sites. Also, keeping an eye on 'triggers' for me and catching them as they appear. I feel great, for an old guy:). Actually, I feel much younger than the numbers. Sometimes like I ever grew up, but other times wise and strong. Kinda cool actually. I eat very well, stay in great shape and love challenges. I consider this, to me, tackling this addiction to be a big one. And could be the last barrier to really living life to the max. I should also mention that I teach, mentor others, in my industry and many younger folks look up to me. Which in some ways makes me feel like a fraud with this addiction. I can see down the road, with the experience of becoming stronger, rebooting and discovering a better way, better life, that I'll be able to help others. It's amazing how many dudes are afflicted. I see young teen guys and almost feel bad for so many of them with little guidance, direction, role modelling.....and so much easy access porn....not easy to grow up healthy in.....
     
  4. Forgive Me

    Forgive Me tmrw belongs to people who prepare for it today!

    Your not a fraud mate.

    We all have our weaknesses. You made a mistake and deserve the chance to change.

    Redemption is never too late.

    Sometimes i feel the same, a fraud. I pretend to be a good righteous person. I am actually very religious and believe PMO to be a sin. But i truly believe there is forgiveness and redemption if you can change.

    The youth of today have it bad. Everything disgusting in society is so easily accesible. Porn is on your mobile in seconds, drugs, alcohol, you name it.
     
  5. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    thanks for the support. So far so good.... I've been keeping an eye out for triggers and stopping myself let them take over.

    I think this is like day 5 days for me so far, which is the longest I've been without porn or masturbating.

    I am not a religious person by any stretch, and don't adhere to any religion, but consider myself spiritual in some way, so guilt for me comes from the fact that I simply feel this behavior is preventing me from becoming the very best I can be, and it also prevents me from expressing and communicating at a higher level with others. And the morality. at a secular level, creeps in.

    The information and stories in this forum has been very helpful is several ways...one, it's not just me...seems like an epidemic. Two, the symptoms, the problems that arise and the solution all makes clarity...yea....knowing that, knowing the suggested solutions and the success that comes from doing this right adds huge hope...thanks....
     
  6. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    checking in. Over one week so far. Wow. That little feat amazes me, not that I wasn't tempted or nearly slipped up.

    I do get into some obsessions and pull myself out. Part of me wants the benefits of re booting now! But I know it takes a while, about two months as I understand it, and that's ok. Im on for it.

    I feel inside there's some fear of change and fear of the new person I could become. fear sucks, that much I know. and mastering any and all fears is a huge key to progress in life and fulfillment. I actually in some ways found quitting drinking 20+ years ago easier. Weird, but true. I fell into what they call the 'pink cloud' which happens to some when they give up whatever addiction of choice is holding them back. With masturbating, this sounds strange, it's almost as if im also afraid of losing control if I give it up, as if to say that when I do masterbate, I have control.

    When I don't, I lose control. Weird. I guess I'm afraid, or some part of me is afraid to give it up and say by to that part of my life, that part that was so much a part of who I was, even though no one else knew about it. Although, Im sure, they'd be somehow affected by it, since it affects who we are. right? and will therefor affect our relationships....this is a bug journey for me. one day at a time, as they say....R
     
  7. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    Well, I have been checking in and reading other posts here, and the recovery tips http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/uncle-bob-porn-addiction-recovery-tips for quick blasts of support.

    I just haven't been posting in my journal..... I jerked off once in the last 3 weeks. And not to porn, no pics, nothing but my imagination. I was doing great up to that point, don't know why I did, but don't feel bad since that was a week ago and nothing since. There are great aspects to rebooting...clarity, confidence, hope. I am stoked, but need to be careful with triggers. I find myself digging into images, no nudity, no porn, just sexy babes anywhere, fb, etc. and start mildly obsessing, then stop.

    I need to watch that and keep an eye out for it. I haven't had sex with my wife in 1.5 years...yes, that's a long time. She's 50, still sexy, slim, but has gone through menopause, not that that should matter. I stopped having sex with her because of my activities online. I was starting to get porn induced ED....and she wasn't turned on as much as before, caused largely because of the changes she started going through. But I will start into her soon. And take my time, get her turned on. Back to old fashioned, face to face with a real human sex stuff....looking forward to it. This is all like a new adventure....
     
  8. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    I relapsed twice in the last 9 days. Dang....pisses me off. And it's so stupid, checking out pics on fb. At least I can say I haven;t even been to a porn site since I started here. I am knowing my triggers. And when they show up, wow, it's like worst than anything. Like I have no control. Almost feel like I should get a little extra boost, and go see a consellor, therapist. I think with one on one it would make me much more accountable....the things that do seem to help are coming back here, reading other stories...at least I don't feel like I'm the only one....back at it! day 3 today
     
  9. Pilgrim

    Pilgrim New Member

    Hi, Robb!

    Dont worry and try to learn with the relapse.
    Its not a linear process.
    Are looking for changing habits in other aspects of your life?
    Body, food, socializing, emotions, spirituality?
    In my opinion this is much more than reboot from porn. Is about reboot our lifes.
    Courage and good luck!
     
  10. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    thanks Pilgrim.....luv that avatar...I have that pic of Bob M on some of my tshirts....it amazes me in a way how tough it is, compared to my ability to have quit other addictions- booze, cigs- and other challenges that's I've faced in my life, some of which have been quite amazing....i've come a long way, but this sexuality thing is like the biggest ever....working on it, and I love the idea behind the benefits and improvements that I read about....off to watch the videos...into these right now...http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/video-series-porn-and-brain
     
  11. rcfergie5

    rcfergie5 Guest

    You are doing great Robb, it takes guts to quit PMO, you have it better than most people my age (almost 21) who are constantly jacking off to porn and therefore becoming less manly than they rightfully should. I had been insecure because of porn, and insecure in general (I used to not like myself and at least thought badly about some people, was afraid of rejection and made excuses) even without PMO, even though it's not as bad without PMO.

    I've relapsed many times during this two plus month reboot, eventually I learned a lot about the law of attraction, especially Earl Nightingale's "The Strangest Secret", and stick with six words: you become what you think about. So I thought about being positive about myself and everybody and everything about life, and I became that kind of person, and made it much easier for me to quit PMO for good. And for the record, I'm a virgin, and in retrospect, my old insecurities and definitely PMO kept me from losing my virginity, but it was actually good I never had a sexual encounter, so I never had to experience the sheer humiliation that most post addicts experience, especially the ED. I quit because I wanted to be able to get it up and have a great first sex, but I also found I quit to become socially successful, and be successful in general. Life is so much better now that my insecurities practically went away after about a week since I began studying "The Strangest Secret".

    You are very lucky to have your wife after all you've been through, so never give that up. Cheers!
     
  12. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    rcfergie5...
    part of me really feels for the young dudes who grow up with all this porn available. Like a crack addict in a free for all crack factory. When I was your age (there I go, sounding like my dad:)...)..I was also still a virgin. Lost it at 21. Was very, very, very insecure, awkward, ignorant, neurotic and full of fear. I jerked off all the time, felt guilt. Drank, smoked...all to dullen the feelings. I got much stronger. My tale is one that I preach to others, to keep working on oneself and improve whatever innate talents you have. I believe this will help with getting over this addiction too. Tackling it from all fronts. I joined toastmasters and got over my fear of public speaking. this was very hard to do. I joined other classes, workshops, etc etc piled em up, one after another. Kept busy, and grew overall, and I believe this has helped me. People that know me cannot believe the person i describe that I was. And none know my one and only leftover dirty little secret. This is like the last 'behavior' issue I have, and frankly i wouldn't even bother, but knowing what I know now because of this site and yourbrainonporn.com, wow, what an eye opener. I know I need to stop. It's the last thing that's holding me back from really becoming the best I can become. Isn't that the main goal for us all? To be the best person, in all our areas, that we can? let it shine bro! keep at it...R
     
  13. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    Well, it's been a while since I checked in. I ought to more often, at least check in and say or write something to update my life. I've been doing pretty good all summer. Very little jerking off, no porn at all. Only to images in face book, once in a while. And knowing that that's not a great idea, but better than doses of hard porn. That's my way of justifying. However, lately I've been checking out youtube vids of young girls swimming underwater. That, I am beginning to understand, is just about the same as porn for me. It drives me wild. So, after a few fantasies, jerk sessions to youtube, maybe about 6 or 7, I think I need to get with it and stop it. I feel powerless sometimes, and get so fucking weak. That's why I am here. And, as I am starting to understand, need to check in, maybe daily....I'll be back....
     
  14. Arthur Redux

    Arthur Redux Guest

    Hey Robb. I think it's good you checked in again. Journaling regularly can help you to see things more honestly, plus you'll get more support from others. Everybody has to work their own program. But I hope you'll keep checking in. 8) :)
     
  15. electro17

    electro17 Guest

    I went to a counsellor (not a legally trained psychotherapist) many years ago when I (as I know now) had reached the deepest darkest part of my addiction. She was incredibly enlightening and made me understand that the reason I was seeking help was because I was already fixing myself. I stayed with her about 8 weeks and I learned alot, but we discussed very little of the information on this site & YBOP. I imagine these days professional help relating to addiction must have move on leaps and bounds.
     
  16. robprov

    robprov Life is a highway

    taking counsel is always a great idea, trained or not, as long as they are supportive. Im a big believer in that extra 'coaching' and added compliance when you add extra people to ones efforts....it's why group therapy is so effective...I'm gonna find someone.....to add that extra muscle to my recovery...thanks
     

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