Let's heal some more

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Thebeg, Sep 5, 2016.

  1. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I went to Tarangire National Park en Ngorongoro Crater. Both are awesome, especially the crater is beautiful, so much wildlife.

    Yeah it's a very big step, but if friends around you start having kids it sort of makes it easier to make the choice as well.

    Thanks. She's 26 weeks now. It's still hard, because she's kind of a hippie with her own unconventional set of beliefs. So that also shocks my sister and parents and I feel literally squished between both worlds. But as the woman is fully supported by law to be in full control of a child, there's little I can do. So I try still to focus on my own life too, because that's where I'm in control.
  2. Living

    Living Active Member

    I can imagine that. And she is also from the US right? I guess that brings differences in the way you view things too. So I think it's good that you focus on your own life as well.
  3. gavney

    gavney Active Member

    Yes, true. Most parents our age really need the support of other parents (mainly family). It takes some of the burden off, otherwise parenting can seem very lonely.
    Also, when friends and family are all settled down, start to have less to do with spare time!
  4. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Work is going well lately. I've been able to go to the co working space after workshops and do a lot of administrative stuff and scheduling. It's necessary but also feels good to be in control. I definitely enjoy this phase, because it always tends to be a phase.

    At the same time, it also seems like there's always at least one thing that isn't going smoothly. And then it becomes this threshold to get started on. It can be a number of things: exercise, cooking and eating healthy, work, household stuff. It always seems like I have to juggle more balls than I can handle. So right now I'm happy the work-ball is up in the air, but I'm not going to the gym a lot. I do have a lot of dancing classes though. Also, cooking seems like a big hurdle for me, I'd rather get something fast and get some work done. I guess these are the challenges of being an adult.

    At the moment doing PMO with some regularity. Not feeling bad about it, being sexually exclusive with a pregnant woman sort of pushes me in that direction. As I try to focus on other areas I'm ok with it for now. Furthermore, considering my sexual adventures of last year, I'm fine with the current state of things right now.

    Things with J are a bit rocky. I notice it's hard to spend a lot of time and energy on her and her kids every week, as I'm busy with my own stuff. In the weekend I usually go to her place, but that also means I cannot really recharge because my attention goes to her and her kids. She keeps bringing up the fact that one or two weekend days aren't enough for her, she wants me to come over more often. It gives me stress. She's also a bit of a hippie, with a bunch of unconventional views. And because she's not very open to other views and ways, there's little room for me and my ideas on parenting. It makes me feel like I'm just a sperm donor, attention robot and cash machine. It makes me pull away from her, so I've been texting her less and she noticed.

    Difficult stuff but I'm still doing ok emotionally. I'm glad I've been able to work on my depression in 2017.
  5. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I spent the weekend and last few days at J's place. Doing stuff with her and the kids, and my sister came to visit with her family as well. I also fixed some stuff, helped her clean stuff, she really appreciated it.

    It's a very tough mental exercise I find myself in now, because it feels like I'm in this position where it's all about giving to others (namely her and her kids, and eventually my own kid). There's nothing I can expect back nor is there anything I need from her, because that was never the intention in the first place and I can manage my own needs just fine. Through Vipassana I learned the importance of selfless giving and it is considered the last and most difficult part in one's spiritual growth and development.

    I try to consider my situation as positive as I can. Personal challenges in life are part of life, and allow for growth. This challenge feels so much more difficult than climbing the Kilimanjaro in two days, a feat impossible for many. It made me realize that perhaps my challenges in life are no longer in the physical domain, they are more of a mental and emotional nature.

    The last few weeks I've watched a lot of video's of Jordan Peterson. His speaking and conversation skills are awe inspiring and he has some very good views on a variety of subjects, like the men and women. He also explains the importance of taking on responsibility in life, so I use that as a guideline for my current situation.
    Londoner likes this.

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