Let's heal some more

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Thebeg, Sep 5, 2016.

  1. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Thinking back of the last half year there has been one thing on my mind that seems "far away" in my life. It's a good career with long-term earning potential. I'm very happy that I have fun work, and when I'm really busy it's making ok money. Enough to live from and some to spare to invest. But reading on the MGTOW reddit for example, I see a lot of successful guys who went the corporate way and ended up making six figures. I guess that US income, which comparably is 1.5-2x a typical income in the Netherlands. It seems so far off my path, the money that is. But a friend of mine is making that money, being self-employed. The ADD traits that I have are in the way, as I need the dopamine fixes on a day to day basis it seems. So making 8 hour workdays during the week for months on end is already a hard to achieve thing for me. I seem to lack the self-discipline required to do that. It seems like I'm not having the amount of working success I could potentially be making.
    That said, I'm very aware of the things that are going for me right now. As far as women and sex go, absolutely no shortage there. There's still the desire to get with sexier (and maybe younger) women, but as far as the TRP doctrine goes, that's a matter of improving my sex-appeal. I love going to the gym and I'm making results. Meanwhile I have my sexual needs met, and with one relapse a week I'm in a pretty ok state. The Cialis makes my dick work my a superhero, I wonder if it would be possible to completely ditch the stuff eventually. @cjm, I now understand why you were hesitant to stop using it when you were seeing A.
    I've also been reading a lot on MGTOW, and this also seems to bring things in perspective. I'm very happy to live my life on my terms. I don't think I'd want it any other way.
    Londoner likes this.
  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    For a while I had been having this fun idea of having a first date in a sauna. It would be awkward, but also fun and exciting thing to do. This Tuesday it finally happened, with an older woman on Tinder who was up for it. Although it was a bit awkward at first, I felt confident as I'm usually the most in shape guy walking around in a sauna. I still had some Cialis in my system as A visited me in the weekend, so it was a bit of a challenge not to get an erection, and I managed :) Eventually we talked about the tension and she felt it too, things were getting heated up. We had little possibility to get sexual in the sauna so I suggested going to her place and she was down with that, we had a good round of sex. Perhaps the funniest part was when her daughter got back from her ex husband, I had to sneak out of her apartment and pretend to be some dude walking by. I like these adventures :)

    Overall the week is quite slow. No lessons as it's a vacation week and overall I'm too lame to do much. It's just hard to be hard working when there's no deadline.
    Londoner likes this.
  3. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Some stressful stuff going on currently. J texted me she wants to see me because she wants more (a relationship) and the current arrangement no longer suffices. She added that her period is late. I hate pregnancy scares, and let's hope it's just that. I visited her wednesday and when I left in the morning I did notice her stomach was a bit bloated, but that says little, could very well be her period on its way. She did this once before, got all freaked out and then she got her period after all. Still though, it's stressful.
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2018
  4. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I pulled up my sheet and had two dates recorded when J was on her period. I extrapolated the dates and calculated that her estimation for having her period was too early. It should be somewhere around now. Although I feel fairly sure it's just a scare, it still stresses me out a bit (she literally texted me that she wants me to feel this). This situation may lead to breaking contact with her as the best course of action.
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2018
  5. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Still feeling a bit stressed about the situation. I just send J a text asking how things are, she left the message on read so I'll just wait. If anything, it's best not to get overly stressed and emotional about it. Pregnancy scares are often used as a power play, I've witnessed this earlier this year.

    BTW I edited out the part about my friend (who may be getting a divorce) in the previous two posts. I'm not even sure if anyone had read it, but right now his situation is changing a lot.
  6. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    Hey man I've been reading

    Sounds stressful. Is she insists on a relationship will you cut her loose?

    Wondering why does she not get a pregnancy tester from the chemist?

    When i lived with ex i got a bulk order of medical grade testing strips of eBay - same ones used by the health service over here. Much cheaper than the ones available in shops. No marketing, packaging etc

    Good luck
  7. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yeah I actually think about cutting her loose the moment it's clear she's on her period. She just replied about her sons birthday and that he got an RC car. Nothing about her late period or something. That kind of hints that the late period thing isn't really happening.

    She's all about natural stuff, she even on a herb-based birth control. Yes I know I've been terribly stupid for hoping that this stuff actually works. Weak frame on my part, so I definitely have stuff to learn from this.

    However, I have the feeling that this late period thing was just meant to trigger an emotional/scared reaction from me. Women do this stuff to test how the guy responds, or to get back at them. I think she's somewhat frustrated that I'm out of reach and lately I have been texting her less. Compared to the other women I've seen she's by far the one who needs the most attention and wants a relationship, although she does enjoy the moments we share together.

    I hinted a couple of times that she's in love with me but she always denies that firmly, but her actions speak for her. You know, she's a cool enthusiastic girl and under different circumstances (no kids, living closer, me wanting a monogamous relationship) I could definitely catch feelings for her. But for now I assess the situation with a strong redpilled lens.
  8. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Ah man, sorry to hear that. I can image that getting one of your flings pregnant is not what you want at all.
  9. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    But you can get one of those strips from the chemist she pees on it and then you have the definite awnser! I used the pull out method for years without any pregnancy with my ex - imo very effective as long as you have good control :)
  10. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    I feel you Thebeg. Once had a girl who even went as far as as sending me a fake ultra sound pic obtained from Dr. Google to scare me even more / take revenge / control me emotionally / whatever after I was clear I don't want to get into a relationship with her.
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2018
  11. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Exactly. Of course sex without condom is much better and more spontaneous. First time sex she wanted no condom but I did. Then a couple of times I put on the condom only when near orgasm. On a later date we had sex completely without condom, she behaving all shocked and everything. Then the next time she wanted without condom and it became the standard.

    The strips are an idea, but I live an hour away from her and right now it's hard for me to say if she's pulling some kind of game on me or not. Personally I think she is playing a game, as I got a number of reasons to think so. I feel like asking too much about it is sending out that I'm stressed out, which may be exactly what she wants. And if there's really something going on she'll let me know. The situation between us is a bit weird right now, since last thing she said was wanting to break it off since I don't want a relationship, but then the missed period thing started. I do want to close it off in a mature way. I also have a travel mug of her that I want to send back to her.

    Jeez that is horrific man. Pregnancies are one of the few tools that women can use to genuinely scare a guy, that's for sure.
  12. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    i would have thought that if a woman seriously thought she might be pregnant, getting tested would be the first thing she would do - all it takes is a quick trip to the store. the fact that she hasn't may point to the idea that she is playing games, like you say.
  13. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I will text her later today to address it. Not sure about the tone, I could ask if she had her period yet or I could state it by saying "As I haven't heard from you about your period, I assume you've had it now.". That way she gives her answer even if she doesn't say anything about it. A friend of mine thought asking was better, maybe I'm overthinking this. I don't feel stressed out about it anymore so that's a good thing. But I do want to close it off.

    Yesterday another good workout at the gym. Last week I went 4 times, I'm really enjoying it.

    I'm considering keeping a personal journal specifically for my motivation problems regarding work. There are a lot of thoughts that hinder me. Such as "I've always been like this, I can't change myself or else I already would have." and "I'm not able to build anything bigger than what I've got going on already."
  14. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    So how did the story end? You going to be a dad? ;)

    Why do you want to break it off btw? Thought the sex was so amazing?
  15. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Holy crap she's pregnant.

    She took a total of four tests in the evening and morning and all confirmed.

    I'll have a phone call with my GP later today to discuss options.

    And of course her and I have to make a very difficult decision. When it's actually real the whole story gets so much more complicated.

    I'll update later.
  16. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Sorry to hear you got into such a complicated situation. I hope that at least both of you can get on the same line in this. I wish you strength with this.
  17. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    What a shock! You sure it's not a scare? Did you see the test by yourself? I'm just asking because I once had a girl who I was breaking up with who faked the whole pregnancy stuff. Since then I prefer to see it with my own eyes.

    Keep us updated and good luck man.
  18. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Both times did she pee in a cup and I put the testers in it, so yeah I saw it all with my own eyes. Thanks for sharing your story @Fry2 because it helped me approach the situation with caution.

    It was a weird situation at her house. The atmosphere was strangely calm and we were actually joking a bit, we weren't feeling the weight of the situation yet. Seeing the strips say "pregnant" and looking her in big eyes, realizing that a part of me is growing inside her, that hit me on an emotional level. She's a cool and fun chick, openminded, good looking and is from what I've seen a very good mom. She joked we would make a great couple and that our baby will be beautiful. Let me tell you that when things are real, such words have a completely different impact.

    The sight of me being emotionally touched was something she appreciated and found to be "manly" as she told me later, because I was taking into account the whole situation rather than running away from it. We spent the night in her bed, mostly talking. It felt like a night with no end, and we wanted it to stay that way, just so the whole situation wouldn't get any more real.

    Today I've called with different friends and my sister. It still feels unreal. Talking helps although the decision is completely up to me and J. I feel torn. Some moments I'm in my rational self and considering the complex situation. There's almost no way having a kid will work. It would live with her for the first years at least and I would have to visit. It will impact my life much more than hers.

    But there's also the emotional aspect. The fact that it's a potential human, my and her DNA, and the fact that I've been feeling stuck in my working life for about a year now and this would definitely make me have to step up like a man.

    I guess things would have been simpler if I had just reacted cold and rational. But that's not who I am. Whatever we're going to do, I will support her through this. Especially if we choose to have an abortion.

    One of my best friends, who happens to be in an almost-divorce is staying at my place for two days. It's great to have him around for distraction and helping me deal with this. Meanwhile I'm communicating a lot with J through text and voice.
  19. Fry2

    Fry2 Well-Known Member

    Think very good about the decisions you make mate. As you said it's potentially a little human with your DNA, and within a week or two with a little beating heart, a soul, with a purpose in life, who may need you...

    In my case I believe I benefitted a lot from becoming a father, in terms of maturity, taking responsibility, advancing my career and becoming a better man. Becoming a father is a burden sometimes, but it's also a gift not granted to everyone.
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2018
  20. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    En dat siert je;) I understand this is unexpected and bitchass tough, but I think this is the only right way to handle this. I hope you two find a way the both of you are happy with!

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