Let's heal some more

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Thebeg, Sep 5, 2016.

  1. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Small update: I did manage to pick up the phone and make some calls for work. Although it wasn't a strict deadline, I wanted to have made those calls before the weekend. So I guess I should celebrate this small succes, even though I got to it at the end of the day :)
     
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  2. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    On my way to J I listened to a very interesting podcast from the author of a book about adult ADD/ADHD. Although I did not receive the formal diagnosis, I still struggle and many of the characteristics apply to me. I may order the book because it's very detailed (450+ pages) and the idea of becoming more productive sounds incredibly good to me.

    The evening and night with J was great again. I had a bit too much to drink, but we had so much fun. The next morning we were recounting all the stuff that we did. We're not fucking for 30 minutes and that's it, we're busy for hours and doing all kinds of stuff. Her mom will visit her in December, which means she'll have some time off the kids and will probably visit me for a couple of days.
     
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  3. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Overall I had a fun weekend. Saturday a birthday of a friend, we did an escape room and went out. While I was feeling energetic I'm in this rut of not approaching women. Sometimes I feel "old", especially with the hot 18-20 yo chicks around. It does motivate me to keep working out. Ran into an old FwB of mine, she was happy to see me. We'll probably hang out soon with some wine.

    S (the teacher I had sex with twice) was also in town at a bar and I visited her and had a chat. I thought about taking her home with me and she was giving me a couple of hints. But I had to work the other day and wasn't completely feeling it. So I kissed her goodbye and she grabbed my junk as I left. She's 24 and all over me, kinda funny. When I got home I had a brief moment of regret, but it's just that sometimes it feels like 'too much work', talking and 'entertaining' a woman before/after sex.

    The sexual energy is high now and a relapse can be just around the corner. Should I just make a booty call so I can keep my streak going?

    Work was interesting. Some workshops for kids at this elite upper class event. Rich white parents wearing blazers all everywhere, the parking place was filled with expensive cars. I even had a 5 yo boy wearing a FULL SUIT while I was teaching him how to breakdance :D And the kids had to perform in front of the crowd. I kid you not, the audience was about 1000 people, I've never seen this. Being able to prepare the kids in just one hour and have them actually do it (even a boy who was scared danced), it made me proud of the kids but also of myself. Nowadays I feel completely relaxed while talking to such a big crowd on the microphone. Kinda stupid that I feel anxious when I want to approach a hot girl at the club, isn't it! Although it does show that everything is a matter of practice until all anxiety has gone..
     
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  4. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Had a "weekend" day, spent mostly on gaming which I enjoyed. I did have a meeting which was productive, and send out an email later. I was texting with J and had this idea that the next time we're going to have sex, I wanted to orgasm with her on top (which is hard for me to do). Eventually I was like "fuck it" and went over to her place. She was delighted and we spent hours having sex. Unfortunately I wasn't able to orgasm with her on top, which agitated me. Eventually I finished missionary but the orgasm was more like a partial release of tension.

    In cases like this, I don't like that my dick is so insensitive. Yes I can go on for a long time but I'm unable to climax from a bj or woman on top, for example.

    I've been doing 2 days of low to almost no carbs. Been doing ok so far and my body tends to react quite quickly (less bloated). Not sure if it will help my productivity already but we'll see.
     
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  5. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    I can relate to the sensitivity thing. The whole time i was seeing A i only came from her own movements once - in doggy style - but it was very good :)
     
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  6. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    So yesterday morning I felt really shitty. Could have been one of three things. The fact that I had been eating almost no carbs for 2 days, still lingering tension from all the sex and mediocre orgasm or lack of sleep during that same night. Or a combination of the above.

    When I got home I somehow got bored of being at home, made food and went to the co working space. Worked for a couple of hours and had a meeting later that day. I didn't exercise in the evening, wanted to go wakeboarding but the weather wasn't great. Eventually I fell for two relapses. Not feeling too bad about it, I'm still disappointed that I'm limited in my options when it comes to orgasming when having sex.
     
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  7. cjm

    cjm Well-Known Member

    you know mate, i wouldn't worry about it. As you said it means you can keep on going, and probably the same as me, it means you can pretty much choose when you O - which is a good thing i think :) The other extreme would be premature ejaculation

    If you want to improve the sensitivity, i'm sure stopping M, or at least massively cutting it down would help. Also I think sometimes Cialis can make it so its a little harder to O

    hope you get back on an up soon though :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2018
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  8. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    When I had done the 118 day no PMO steak my dick was extremely sensitive for a few weeks. It was very interesting and unfortunately over time things went back to my current point.

    So it's malleable, although it requires a lot of work and patience.
     
  9. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Had an ok working day with some meetings, I tried applying some sales techniques by being more focused on the needs of the customer.

    In the evening I started feeling lethargic and considered getting some junkfood and skipping my workout but was able to kick myself to the gym. Had a good workout and went to the supermarket to get some vegetables and cooked myself an awesome dinner so that's a huge win in my book. Last night I slept almost 8 hours, which is the second night in a row. I want to improve my sleeping so this is good stuff. Sexual energy is low, obviously caused by the relapses earlier this week.
     
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  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Awesome man! Not feeling your best is part of life, it's what you do with that what matters most. It's good to see you handled that in way you find important and I bet it made you feel really good afterwards.
     
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  11. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Good working day yesterday, I'm paying more focus on my energy levels nowadays. After work I went wakeboarding and I made sure to enjoy being outside and breathing deeply, as was recommended in the ADD podcast. Unfortunately I crashed in a weird way at the end and my shoulder took a hit. My left shoulder has a history of dislocations and even after the surgery it's always a weak spot. Gotta take some time to recover.

    Sexual energy is up again. I may visit J tonight, will be visiting my little nephew this weekend for his birthday, so enough social stuff ahead.
     
  12. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    I went to J, she had a weed-muffin that we shared which was fun. Sex was good, I really introduced her into my sexual world, the stuff that I like. And she's a complete believer. Second time I even managed to come with her on top.

    The next morning I went to my sisters' city for my nephews birthday. It was good to see my family and my nephew. My sister remarked that I had become more buffed. Seems my workouts lately are showing off.

    My parents and I were staying the night at my sisters'. In the evening I was taking a nap on the couch when I vaguely heard my parents talking to each other and saying something like I should be giving them a grandchild or something. It was weird. And I shouldn't feel pressured. I had told them than I came from J's place and my mother starts to think all kinds of stuff when a female is mentioned. I should keep stuff more for myself. Being with my sister and seeing my nephew is fun, but it immediately reminds me that I don't have any urge in that matter for myself.

    This week, I want to work on my ADD symptoms. Get more work done and have my brain fight me less. I'm going to eat low-carb this week. Eating less carbs is supposed to reduce ADD problems and provide some more mental clarity. I have some keto-sticks so I can measure how many days my body needs to reach ketosis.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2018
  13. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yesterday I did a lot of stuff right. I ate low-carb and had a good workout in the gym. Did a 10 minute meditation in the morning.

    But I relapsed twice and I didn't get shit done. Spent all day at my house doing nothing. Motivation to do work that isn't 100% time critical is at zero. Absolutely sucks. Saw some stuff about Arnold Schwarzenegger and his antics back in the day. That guy was unstoppable when it came to work. I want that drive and fire too.

    It is said to take a few days before ketosis kicks in, and I measured (not in ketosis). I HOPE that my condition is just very complex but solvable after 37 years, and that my required diet to function normally (work-wise) is something I just haven't figured out yet. I found some sites with good keto-recipes, so I'm looking forward to trying this stuff.
     
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  14. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Had a fun project at a school for children with serious learning disabilities. These kids are the best, so much fun dancing with them. Afterwards I spent some time preparing a training schedule for a friend that wants to be ripped when he becomes 40 (he's 38 now). He'll be joining me in the gym tonight for his first session. I really like this coaching.

    I had a failed kitchen project. I tried making low-carb eggplant-chips. Took me way too much time and in the end most of them ended up being burnt. It's ok, that's how new projects go.

    Last night I met up with a guy that a friend of me recommended. He's also in the red pill stuff and lived in my city. Cool dude, good looking, good job and works out too, ten years younger than me. He's had his share of bad experiences in relationships and doesn't want to be tied down now. We'll probably be going for some gaming sessions soon, which should be great. I've always wanted to try out winging with someone who really gets the social dynamics.
     
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  15. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Last night I took a friend to the gym. I'm going to do some personal coaching for him as he wants to be ripped when he turns 40. I like coaching, hopefully he'll be able to make a big progress.

    Although I haven't reached ketosis yet the weight is dropping quickly, mostly water. And today I finally managed to not turn on my computer at home, but instead make food and go to the co working space, just past 9 in the morning.
     
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  16. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Worked for a good couple of hours, which was very nice. Then went wakeboarding with a friend and to the gym afterwards. According to the ketostix I'm not in ketosis yet although I feel I'm getting close. Physically there's a lot happening and I've lost 3 KGs so far, feeling less bloated. Today I feel tired and lethargic, not sure how productive I'm going to be.
     
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  17. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Completely unproductive yesterday, it was really bad. The moment I got up I already felt my brain not cooperating. It's interesting to observe myself more closely regarding productivity. No judgment, just looking for things that help get me there.

    The upside is that I seem to be getting into ketosis after 5 days. It's been quite tough food-wise, I need more recipes and options.

    Went to J last night. I was in a very cuddly and more primal mood, maybe the keto thing had something to do with it. Had two glasses of wine and cheese, and being off carbs definitely makes the wine hit harder! We had great sex and we were only busy for like two hours (normally it's 4-5 hours) so we went to bed relatively early and we both slept well, cuddling as we fell asleep.
     
  18. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Productivity has been low despite the attempt at eating keto. According to the ketosticks I'm still not in ketosis, which could be caused by eating too much overall. It reminds me of the adage that if things don't suck hard enough, you're not doing it right. Definitely true with keto. Also, work motivation and discipline is at an all-time low. So today I did a 60 minute meditation (first one this year actually). I will implement this too for the next week to see if that helps with things.

    A dropped by yesterday. We had good sex, and I was so horny that I even rushed my O so it could have been better. Afterwards we were chilling and she suggested celebrating NYE in London, which is a pretty cool idea. I've been thinking about visiting you guys (@cjm and @Londoner) once more, but I also want to visit London being completely free to go wherever and go for some gaming. I may have to plan multiple trips, London is awesome anyway ;)
     
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  19. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Day 8. I tend to have one day with 1-2 relapses a week. Still I notice that it makes my dick go soft and limp for quite a while. MW disappears. It's a loss of sexual energy. Today is the second day I did 60 minutes of meditation. Feels good. Yesterday went to the gym with a friend. Had a good workout. After that I coached another friend on his training. It's fun to do, and if he manages to stick to it for the envisioned 20-ish months, he'll be in fantastic shape.

    At home I did some texting with women, set something up with a woman I've had one date with once before and suggested meeting up with one match on Tinder. Overall I notice that things have slowed down a bit on the women front, which I consider a natural progression as I've had a lot of experiences through online dating the first half of the year. I'd like to put some effort in day/night game and I'm going out this Saturday. I recently got to know a pretty cool guy that is also into TRP and I think we can be good wingmen to eachother. That should make for some fun nights out.

    From a mental point of view, women and sex occupy me (a bit) less. Probably due to all the crazy experiences in the first half year, and the fact that women and sex are abundant right now. It leaves more mental room for focus on other things.

    The thing I want to focus more on is my work ethic, motivation and generally being a "normal" productive person (9-17 job) which should translate to huge results in terms of stress reduction as well as income.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2018
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  20. Thebeg

    Thebeg Well-Known Member

    Yesterday I went all out, grabbed my laptop and spreadsheets and calculated every fucking thing I ate in order to adhere the most strict keto guidelines. I ate just under 20g of carbs with a macro ratio of 4-16-80 (carbs-protein-fats), which is just perfect. To top it off I went to the gym and did 2x20 minutes of HIIT cardio, I was soaked. The test strip showed slightly above trace level, which means I'm making progress. I'll eat the same today and will be lifting tonight, I hope that puts me in a definite keto state.

    Although my work motivation is still very low, I feel well. I did 60 minutes of meditation again this morning, which also feels good. I made it through Tuesday, which sometimes can be a day of relapses. MW is coming back, erections feel fuller. Funny how a relapse can mess all that up.
     

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