Wow, It's been so long ago since I first started rebooting. It's been over 4 years ago. After multiple attempts to heal my porn induced ED, I had a no PMO streak of 118 days (succumbed to M though). I got a gf during that time and considered myself healed. I had no problems with getting hard (though I had a lot of fear the first 2 times we had sex). Sex during the relationship was all right, although not frequent. She had insecurities about her body that made sex a bit "meh" and I couldn't help her with that. We had a relationship for 3.5 years that ended last year, we're still good friends. It felt like I had my P consumption under control, using it once every few days or so. There's also this auto-erotic masturbation urge that I carry with me from my puberty days. I think it's a compensation thing for not being able to have sex with girls at that age. So I kind of filled that role myself, getting turned on by myself. This is different from porn masturbation where the focus is someone else but I think it still plays a role in my sexual problems which I'll get to later. Around February I hooked up with a woman and we were friends with benefits for some months, and it was the first time I was actually using condoms successfully all the time. Felt like a small achievement! After some time we lost contact, mostly due to the fact that she had fallen in love with me and those feelings were one-sided. So far the small recap, now to the actual part: This summer I got into a new hobby. Wakeboarding at the local cable park, pretty awesome with great people. There I met a girl who got into it as well. She's the badass type of girl and we got a little "competition" going to learn new tricks faster than the other. It was a lot of fun and she was really challenging me. I was quite impressed by her personality mostly, while she wasn't really my type physically. Porn-wise, I'm attracted to fuller women with big breasts and asses and this girl is the total opposite, being very slim. But there was something really attractive about her. I told myself that nothing should happen between her and me purely because I had told myself that I would only get into bed with the "porn-style" women that would arouse me the most. I'm not meaning "trashy" or anything, just the physical features that I wired myself to. But yeah, when attraction happens it happens and I played somewhat hard to get, which got to her competitive side I guess. So after some meetups we ended up in bed. It turned out she was even more bad-ass in bed. Quite the dominant type that prefers being on top and in control. While that idea is great... I got struck by performance-fear so I tried to please her in other ways. So far we've had intercourse a few times, but the quality is below what I would call "good enough". Erections are half and last for a very short while. Usually I'm already flaccid before I manage to enter her. It sucks. This girl enjoys sex so much it's unreal One time she did orgasm by penetration, it was a godly experience. I also came that session, although it cost me a lot of effort, with the occasional flaccidness in between. Since meeting her, urges to PMO are nonexistent and the situation inspired me to go for some more rewiring again. I want to be the best sexual partner I can be. And it hurts me that my dick isn't working well. Oh and to add a little to the story: After some time I started to get some feelings for this girl (oh the irony). She clearly stated that she's not open for a relationship at this point in her life, so I got fuckbuddy-zoned there. But as time moves on, she seems to be opening up a bit more. Things are quite the rollercoaster as all this happened in the course of a few weeks. Who knows what happens, I'll just make sure I'll enjoy the time we spend together. But aside from all this, I want to fix myself. With this girl I want to be turned on all the way. I want to feel aroused and hard, able to pleasure her, and myself. The plan is this: - I have to tell her about my fear of getting hard and having to perform and thus not getting hard and unable to perform. This fear is most prevalent when I'm with a woman with a strong personality. If I want her to open up to me, I have to open up to her as well. It may even fix my ED problem right there. It feels scary since I'll put myself in a really vulnerable position. But if she understands, it may create the feeling of safety that I need to be able to get turned on by her completely. - Keep abstaining the PMO, regardless of what happens between me and this girl. Since meeting her I had 1 PMO session which was caused by me feeling like shit because the situation with her. The last years I've experienced the nofap-power and how good it can feel. Right now I'm at the point where I want to choose the natural way of getting aroused and having real sex: by touch, smell, kisses, etc. rather than body parts only. Masturbation by sensation alone is foreign to me, but I guess that's the only logical way to go if I want to stay wired properly. - Fight the auto-erotic urges. Those tend to flare up from time to time. Those urges are so strong, I hope it's possible to rewire those to real women. Actually I think it's possible because I remember that feeling of arousal by real women. But that was long ago, before and during puberty, when all those females and hormones were new. At the moment I'm in a safe zone, but I know myself. Especially when I'm emotionally out of balance, the auto-erotic urges creep up and I usually get taken off-guard by them. It's extremely difficulty for me to overcome those. But it seems I have little choice. This sexual life can be so much better. Wish me luck guys, I'll keep you posted. PS. Bah, such a wall of text. Sorry for that, guess I had to get the story off my chest. If you did read it, I thank you for that!