Day 1 This is new to me, but I think that journaling will help me articulate my experience and learnings, as well as providing accountability. Thanks in advance for any support, encouragement, accountability, etc. and I'll try to provide the same. To keep it simple, I have two focuses: 1) Mindset: Fake it till you make it (I am not the type of person who views porn, therefore I do not do the kinds of things that that kind of person would do (big or small)) 2) Actions: I will stand-up and walk away WHENEVER, I am triggered. No matter the circumstance. I'm excited for the journey ahead. Let's Go!
Welcome Bright Future, I like your attitude, it corresponds well to your name. This forum's an invaluable tool, keep coming back and updating. It's definitely non-linear these reboots, some days are easier than others, but unanimously the first week is the hardest. Once you cross the 3 day threshold, you suddenly end up at a week, and thereafter, you set the bar as high as you like, and higher as each goal is successively conquered. Journaling and commenting I find is a great self-propaganda, it takes us out of our own head, and by advising others, we reinforce our own commitment. Be relentless! You got this bro! 1MLA
Thanks for the encouragement 1MLA! I think you put it well - takes us out of our own head and reinforces our commitment. Thanks again, man! You've got this too!
Day 2 Today went surprisingly well given how hard it has been in the past. It really helps to have this forum as a sounding board and accountability. I'm working on making this my mantra until it becomes part of who I am: 1) I am not the kind of person who views porn. 2) If I am triggered in any way, I will physically get up and walk away. Reshaping those neural pathways until it becomes second nature. Keep it simple, keep it positive. The future is bright. Can't wait for tomorrow.
Day 3 In a vulnerable situation for a couple hours today, but doing well so far. There's the urge, but I'm sticking to my mantras: 1) I'm not the type of person that views porn. 2) Whenever I'm triggered, I stand-up and walk away/flee the situation. Let's go! I've got this. Today will be an important win. Excited for another day to solidify the new me tomorrow too! Keep it simple. Keep it positive. The future is bright.
Glad to hear your already on day 3, it's a highly significant day, you cross it and your another 3 days shy of a week. If you can do the first week you'll be fine. With regards to 'not being the type of person who does porn', if you may indulge me for a second, it reminds me of Carl Jungs adage, what you resist persists. By affirming that you don't watch p, you're still keeping it in your mind, if the idea is to make p peripheral, it creates a loop of identification by negation. Fighting porn detracts from the appeal of p or any compulsion be it binge eating, video-gaming, vaping, internet surfing etc is it's a cerebral challenge. I think the view of not being that person makes it sound like porn dependence happens by a vacuum, but minimalises the role of chronic boredom, issues of endless novelty and dopamine, delta fos b etc that make porn such a potent concoction. The strength I get is that at any moment I could watch p, quicker than I can type the next sentence. That I don't is a sign that p is a want that misdirects a legitimate need, that being connection, touch, physical intimacy. Number 2 however is always a great solution, after all, buildings have fire exits for a reason Just my two cents, please remember first week brings the most cravings. When we close a tap, water trickles, it will take time for porn to stop falling completely but stick with this process. Happy weekend!
Hey MLA. Happy Weekend! Thanks for the thoughts and encouragement! I don't mean to minimize the complexities of the situations around porn addiction, nor do I mean to make it bigger than it is or keep it top of mind through such a mantra. Rather, in a moment of weakness, it helps me remember who I want to become, helps me remember that porn doesn't truly satisfy, and helps it lose its appeal to me. Someday I hope to leave these mantras behind me and this forum so as to not keep porn top-of-mind, but for now it is definitely helping, and I hope to help others along the way. Definitely not a one-size-fits-all solution - thanks for engaging, and for the advice!
Day 4 & Day 5 Continuing strong! I'm finding that by fleeing, either physically or mentally, from a triggering situation or thought, that it is much much easier. If I let myself linger much at all, especially around a thought or memory that comes to mind, then I feel that strong urge and start to waiver. So with that being said, I'm pushing forward to build that new instinctive habit to run from any thoughts, any situation that is triggering. 1. I am not the type of person that views porn. I say it now - some day it will be true. 2. I run away from any triggering situation or thought. Keep it simple. Keep it positive. The future is bright! I've got this! Let's go!
Day 6 & Day 7 I'm not feeling as strong tonight. Haven't done as good of a job at controlling my thoughts today. Not horrible, but not as immediately disciplined as the last several days. I'm hanging in there but there is a reason I'm coming to the forum now to strengthen my resolve. 1. Fake it till I make it. I am not the type of person who views porn. It just doesn't hold sway for me. I know it won't provide lasting satisfaction. I'd rather have peace of mind and be able to look myself in the mirror and look others in the eye with confidence. I'd rather have a rich and complete relationship with my wife. I'd rather be free and have a whole body and mind. 2. When I am tempted, I will immediately get up and flee. I will continue to practice IMMEDIATELY diverting my thoughts when I see or think of something triggering. This will eventually become second nature and I won't even have to think about it. I've got this. The future is bright. Keep it simple. Keep it positive. I'm committing to reporting back here soon for added accountability. Let's go!
Day 8 Was generally a better day than the last 2 days. Just have to keep practicing. Success in the little things translates to success in the big things. Made it a full week! That's a huge milestone considering I barely made it 2 days in the last several months. Time to keep on with it! 1. I am not the type of person who views porn. 2. When triggered, I will physically get up and walk away. Keep it simple. Keep it positive. I've got this. The future is bright!
Day 9 & Day 10 I started to give-in yesterday for a minute or two, but managed to put it down and get away. Not great, but still progress. Honestly, knowing that I would have to come back to this forum and report made a huge difference in the moment. I really want to make it this time. I know progress is non-linear, but I've had 18 years of VERY non-linear progress and regression. I want it to be different this time, and it feels different this time. I feel more capable, more empowered with tools, more mature in my mindset, more patient, more hope. I know it will continue to be non-linear progress, but I also believe it will be more consistent progress this time, until these new habits become as natural a part of me as porn was for much of the last 18 years. I won't make porn a larger-than-life nebulous thing. It can be beat. I will beat it. 1. I am not the kind of person that views porn. It doesn't appeal to me. It just isn't something that I include in my life because life is too full of other things that are good and uplifting. I don't need it and I don't want it. 2. When I am tempted, I will get away immediately. The more immediate the better and the easier it will be. I won't linger on these things, which also makes it easier. Let's go! The future is bright.
It takes lots of effort & discipline to get away once you're exposed to porn. I find it helpful to analyse how I've gotten to that relapse, for me checking on ex-partners on social media would often lead to a relapse. So next time you may not want to go down that route, or at least you'll watch out. Also may be good to stop visiting some regular sites which contain some sexy content, that can be some populistic newspaper, reddit, meme fun sites, twitter etc. and replace that with something more productive e.g. more serious news pages
Love these suggestions and appreciate the encouragement. Will definitely assess what got me to that point. Day 11 & 12 One easy day one hard day. I've loosened up on my discipline around diverting my thoughts. If I can stop it there, it is almost a non-issue. I will focus on that today, as well as assessing what situations are causing those thoughts. We're going to win this battle. I know it. Keep it simple. Keep it positive. The future is bright!
Day 1 I stumbled, but am getting back-up. It's easy to start beating up on myself and get down, so I am choosing instead to celebrate the progress. I went 12 days! That is the best I have done in years. I'm continuing my journey today and it's good! I am going to conquer this. It does not define me. 1. I am not the type of person that views porn. 2. I will physically get up and walk away if I am triggered, as soon as I am triggered. I will repeat these mantras as soon as I have a triggering thought. Keep it simple. Keep it positive. The future is bright!
Like you said earlier "one day easy, one day hard". It's just as important to enjoy those 'easy' days, as to embrace the temporary discomfort of the 'hard' ones. And it's temporary, no one dies from an urge, the gun to our head is held in our hand, we pull the trigger! Lean into the suffering in the first week, you knock it out and you'll be back at 12 in a flash, don't delay that! Either you get to 12, or you let another year or 2 role by until you get there again, but the hard way! (Speaking from experience, not want I'd want for anyone here). Get your stabilisers in early, and you'll cycle for a long time Chin up bro, the world is yours!
Thanks 1MLA! We've got this! Like you said, will be back to 12 days and beyond soon. Won't stay here and settle.
Brilliant attitude mate! You can definitely get to 13 days (or much much more). If at any point you stumble, keep up this attitude.
