Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. realness

    realness Member

    [QUOTE

    What else do you guys find helpful to counter avoidance? Of work & real life.[/QUOTE]

    I'm cautious of any "tricks" or shortcuts or stuff like that. "The Porn Myth" ends with a whole bunch of practical steps, and one that I've been practicing is saying out loud what I want to do, or why I don't want to indulge, what it will feel like once this quick high is over, etc. The author says this reinforces decisions from the part of the brain that manages impulse control and decision making. It's definitely helping. And when my wife ticked off a few things she'd like me to get at the grocery store, I verbally said them back to her, totally unaware that I was practicing this step. It confirmed to me that it's helpful and not just a useless suggestion.
     
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  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Just checking in here. Going great guns at 13 days on the counter. I feel quite removed from PMO actually, which is a great place to be. Last reset was at 16 days tho, so it's good to be aware that some strong urges may be around the corner.

    Continuing "handles" to overcome the addiction:

    Handle #8) Use of this forum. I see it's not just me, many people on here have reached a turning point when they started to post here. It's like nailing your colours to the mast. I found it helpful to:
    • Make a habit of coming on here when urges hit. This is a good "replacement habit" for the habit of looking for P
    • Post when I relapse rather than cover it up
    • Make use of the day counter. I know this isn't for everybody, but personally I find it helps to track what kind of progress I'm making.
    • Observe what my triggers are while I journal so you can start to beat them
    • Encourage others with likes and comments. This is because it is so helpful when others are liking or commenting on my posts, so pay it forward.
     
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  3. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    @Rudolf Geyse Congratulations on 2 weeks! You've never looked better!
     
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  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Counter says 21 days but I came too close to a full relapse last week... I'm stressed & tired. Lately work has been all over the map with a lot of curveballs to deal with. The urges are always pretty close by but I know that it's worth it to push through.
     
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Hanging in there... under this kind of pressure in the past I would surely have caved by now... I think I had better keep checking in here frequently over the next short while...

    Handle #9) Make it visual. Put up a visual reminder somewhere of what you are trying to accomplish. I have a recurring reminder in my task list app that I am guaranteed to see every day that just reminds me of what I'm trying to accomplish here, and it's helpful.
     
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  6. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    Hey @Rudolf Geyse! If you make a physical copy of a visual reminder and put it up somewhere, it will create a mental barrier between you and relapsing and your urges will likely become less! The urges are not physical, they are psychological, so if you can take care of the mind, the body will follow. Best of luck my friend.
     
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  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    So. My goals have changed. I have been ok with some P subs and some FMO up til now, but I'm going to reset the counter and try to rule these out as well.

    I feel like I'm right in the thick of this battle, after years of fighting on and off, and then months after starting this journal. Now it's getting down to the heart of the matter. Am I going to carry on with using PMO or P subs MO or FMO as a crutch, or am I going to throw it off and leave it behind?

    Maybe I'll always battle with PMO. But already it's not taking as much of my time and focus as it has in the past (generally speaking - I have moments when it's all I can think about). I believe I can get to the point where I say, "I don't do that anymore".

    There's my next reason right there. Continuing Reasons not to fap:

    #29) I want to be that guy who can say, "I don't do that anymore. I haven't done that for years and I have no interest in doing that now."
     
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  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    How's everyone doing? Me, not great. I think I was right in the last post. It's almost like I've stepped up to a new level of struggle. Previously I thought the goal was to cut out most of the P and erotic literature to which I had regularly been returning. I have been mostly successful with that, I find I'm not really interested in it anymore. But my searching for P subs and FMO spiraled quite a lot.

    I'm trying to actively counter it by getting some good intake from helpful anti-porn and anti-addiction resources. I need to tweak my filters but that is never the final answer. I have to get back to engaging with life rather than escaping from it again.

    To myself and everyone else whose battle seems to be taking ages, I say: Yes, this requires a lot of patience and persistence, but keep going, it's worth it. Every time you cave, your life is worse for it. Every time you overcome, you're stronger and your life is better for it.
     
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  9. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    ❤❤

    This is what I've noticed. Consistently on reddit every one who relapses after a long streak says they felt no better or different, just disgusted, often depressed and have to start over again.
     
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  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    I believe I had a victory today. This has been quite an amazing experience, stepping away from past crutches for dealing with anxiety. FMO and P subs was quite acceptable previously, although I wouldn't fully admit it to myself. It's like all the years of fighting PMO proper was level one and I've only just stepped up to level 2.

    Today all the stress I'm facing kind of came to the fore. I'm dog tired and I have enough work on my plate to keep me going night and day til Wednesday before my head is above water. Most of it is legitimate but unforeseen - obviously in hindsight I wouldn't have taken on so much if I knew what was coming. the pandemic also messed with my vacation plans so I'm a little burned out.

    My productivity sucked today. But I'm ok with that for two reasons. Reason one, I needed the time out. I'm more ready now to jump in and push through the lack of sleep, etc, etc, which I have to face up to until I can crash sometime next week. I also have a game plan for reshuffling things to a more reasonable pace - or at least trying to.

    Reason two, I didn't fap. I hope you can appreciate the victory here. This has been my go-to for ages. Yes, I played too much COD today, etc, etc. And yes, that needs to be dealt with as well (Level 3?). But for me today was a major step. PMO would have been the obvious path for me a year ago. P subs and FMO, a week ago. To abstain from all of the above under this level of stress has been unheard of in my life since, I don't know, 2001? At one point I opened up some tabs to search for something that I might not have already blocked, but thank God, someone came in the room at that exact moment (Triggering that lame loser response - close close close tabs - who wants to be that guy, right? Not me.) Other than that, the rest of the day I could finally hear all the good voices in my head, drowning out the urges with all the reasons it's not worth it to continue a pattern of MO.

    So yeah, 20 years of battling this, sometimes going months without PMO, but sometimes unable to go 2 hours without it - and here I feel like it's really only day 2 of the real fight. But I'm not discouraged. This just got real! And I'm amped! Really encouraged for the fight. Thanks for the support, brothers.
     
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  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    I've been a bit quiet but I'm checking in here often. This 6 days has been the most authentic break from all things PMO which I have had in ages. I think I'm experiencing a bit of the flatline. Battling to get to sleep at night. Feeling restless, distracted. But no real drive to MO. Little bit anxious about everything on my to do list but generally feeling strong since I have a game plan.

    I don't feel like my prayer life has been disciplined, but it's definitely alive. So grateful to God for this worldview which I believe that the Bible speaks about - that I'm accepted not because of my good performance or rejected because of my bad performance - I'm accepted by God based on belief in Christ His Son - His perfect life lived on my behalf, His sacrificial death on my behalf, taking the punishment I deserve. The resurrection, which proves God accepted His sacrifice.

    Peace and love gents, keep up the good fight.
     
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  12. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    Hey Rudolf,
    I admire your persistence. And I like your Levels approach to dividing up your goals.

    Also, I notice we have the same number of days clean.

    Race ya.o_O
     
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  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Thanks @Apeman. I don't often laugh out loud on the forum but your post made me lol. I see you're slightly ahead today. Dang it!
     
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Gah! Counter reset. Let's go again.
     
  15. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    I like that you don't beat yourself up, you just get back up.

    Rooting for you, man.

    Interestingly, I also found yesterday to be especially difficult. I wonder if there's always a spike in difficulty around the Day 15 mark...
     
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  16. Ccman123

    Ccman123 Member

    I admire that you can get right back up after a setback.

    Keep going man, I believe in you!
     
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  17. realness

    realness Member

    Just relapsed too. Getting back up and will keep going. You're not alone bro.
     
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  18. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member

    @Rudolf Geyse

    You may have reset your counter, but the beautiful family you have mentioned isn't reset in the process. I am jealous of the family you have been able to create through you own efforts...but in a good way ; ).

    They deserve the best you you can be...but you know what? So do you.

    Hang in there. Keep innovating and growing. You'll surprise yourself with what you can accomplish, and both your family and other posters here will benefit from your success.

    Rooting for you and all that lies in store.

    Take care
     
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  19. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    For staying focused during work, I'm currently experimenting with something called the pomodoro technique. I've found it pretty useful so far. The idea is that you break time up into 25 minute segments where you're purely focused on a single task. When the 25 minutes is up, you take a 5 minute break before going into the next 'pomodoro'. If you're tempted by distractions, P subs, forums, whatever, remind yourself you're in an 25 minute uninterrupted window.
     
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  20. Shady

    Shady Active Member

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