Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Another counter reset after 16 days. I had come too close to MO a couple of times before that so I'm happy to report this and have a clean break. Bummed that I would still do that after all this time & with all these great Reasons. More than bummed. But I will overcome this in this season. Now is the time. Let's go again.
     
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Continuing 100 Reasons Not to PMO:

    Reason #16) There's income at stake. Time spent on PMO instead of working (or sleeping) is time I could be spending making bank... which I need right now.

    New list: Practical ways or "Handles" to overcome the addiction. I'm no expert - look at my counter - but I'll be writing down steps which I believe will work - not "maybe", these will work if you stick to 'em.

    Handle #1) An urge is a warning light at best, or an alarm bell at worst. Acknowledge the urge and implement a course of action to deal with it, 'cos if you leave it, it's like ignoring an engine warning light while driving - you're headed for trouble.
     
    NewStart19 likes this.
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #17) Because PIED is real. You think it won't happen to you?

    Handle #2) It's going to take some resolve, man. You have to intentionally, even aggressively, decide what you will and won't do today, or in the next half an hour. Resolve by itself is not enough, but without it, it's over.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #18) Because when I talk to God I don't want to say "sorry, I blew it," over and over and over again - especially not in the same way, over and over. Sorry means you're sorry.

    Handle #3) Create an environment in which it's not easy to PMO.
     
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #19) It takes time away from sleeping, which is detrimental to health, productivity, relationships... not worth it.

    Handle #4) Pray. It's amazing how many ex-addicts will tell you this is the only way. Ex-drug users whose lives were in the toilet and now have a beautiful family and livelihood. They will tell you prayer is the only way to get out.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #20) Because it won't be "just one time". That's a lie. It always leads to more cravings and further time wasted on PMO.

    Handle #5) When the craving hits, do something constructive. There are so many things you can do. Here's one: Pursue legitimate satisfaction in real human relationships.
     
  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #21) Because I don't want P or P subs to be my master. When I sacrifice work or family or sleep to PMO it shows that PMO is my master. Unacceptable.

    To say it another way: I don't want PMO to be what I value above these other things. PMO is not my prize. I have a better prize, a better master, Someone far more worthy than PMO.

    PMO is a poor master because it takes, takes, takes. It does give too, promising that what it gives is the ultimate. But it's not. What it gives is shallow, petty, fleeting, destructive and degrading. Not. Worth. It. I will serve PMO no longer.

    Handle #6) Journal the right way, ie. expose the lies of PMO over and over. You can't keep reminding yourself of these things and still be ok with PMO. It brings a change to your thinking in that moment of weakness.
     
  8. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Great post Rudolf Geyse!
    PMO truly is a poor master, well written out.
     
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  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #22) Because of the stress. Knowing that I have been shirking work to PMO - stressful. Constantly and meticulously removing the evidence of PMO for fear of being found out... Always wondering, "Have I left some evidence somewhere? Is this going to pop out and do harm?" To my relationships or employment situation. Too much constant stress, man. Not worth it. (And PMO promises a release from stress - this is another lie.)
     
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  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #23) Because I hate who I am when I'm in that zone. I could be clean for weeks, then start jonesing, then start looking at P subs. By this time, the dopamine loop had me totally hooked. For days on end I might not be able to concentrate on helpful or fulfilling stuff - I would be distracted from life, relationships, family, work, fun, God. Scouring sites for that perfect image or whatever - but it doesn't exist. Pondering the most degrading, juvenile crap, for hours, days. I don't want to be that disconnected guy for even one more minute of this life. I don't want my thought life stuck in that filth, chained down in that gutter anymore.

    Handle #7) (Relates to #3) Internet content filters. Multiple internet content filters. Load OpenDNS at a router level and set it up to block your particular poison. Setup Screen Time in Mac to block adult sites and sites that you would keep going back to. Foxfilter for FireFox. BlockSite for Chrome/Android. Set these extensions to work in Incognito mode. Truple for Android. These are the free options, there are even better paid options. Add sites to your blacklists whenever you discover them, if you know they will trip you up.

    I know it is possible to bypass these filters. But in the moment of weakness you need as many hurdles to P as you can have. In this way you buy yourself time to come to your senses. Many times this has stopped me from looking for P or P subs. Without any internet filtering you're already dead in the water.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #24) Because I can live free of PMO. On a neurological level, it is possible to overcome the addiction.

    On a theological/philosophical level, the reality is that Christ has broken the power of sin (Rom.1:6 "For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin"). My faith is in Christ, therefore sin has no claim on me.
     
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  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #25) For the people on this forum. A win for me is a win for all of us. For you guys I will leave PMO alone for another day.
     
    realness and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  13. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    The counter says 29 days. This week I gave a public address and I crushed it. Rave reviews. I've enjoyed time with my beautiful kids. I've had the most amazing sex with my wife. This is the dream. Whatever your situation - it's worth it to give up PMO. It's hard but it's worth it. Stay the course and build your streak one day at a time. In time you'll be glad.
     
  14. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Active Member

    Awesome! Good to hear about these positives In your life!
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  15. realness

    realness Member

    Yo @Rudolf Geyse , I'm digging your journey man! I can really relate as a believer, married with kids. I loved reading the ongoing reasons you are affirming to ditch pmo. Great work on noting the non-linear recovery, where you can claim victory in overall improvement and not get unreasonably discouraged over a slip. Thanks for firing me up on my journey. Keep going!
     
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  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Reason #27) Because this streak... this streak you're on right now... could be the streak that lasts the rest of your life! The thought, for me, is elating.
     
    Shady and realness like this.
  18. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    @trapped7 started his journal with a great quote: "Addiction is an illness of escape" - Patrick Carnes

    I'm jonesing pretty badly... not for PMO as such, I think it's just about wanting to escape. I've conditioned myself for "flight" when my task list for work is uncomfortable, rather than to "fight". On the other hand, to look for P or P subs has become tedious, thanks to all my internet blockers as well as the law of diminishing returns. But there are moments when I feel like my pulse is racing at the idea of just putting work to one side and wasting an hour searching for a high. The urge is real.

    This is helpful - taking a moment to journal & re-establish and acknowledge that it would be no help: If I cave I'll just get back to the same task list with less time to do it, leading to even more pressure. Not worth it!

    What else do you guys find helpful to counter avoidance? Of work & real life.
     
    NewStart19 and positivef like this.
  19. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Member

    Celebrating progress. I went over some resolutions or whatever which I set up at the beginning of the year. I'm not doing badly. Yes, I've had to reset my counter almost monthly. But I don't feel like I'm bullshitting my way through life like I was before (mainly, sitting at the computer like I'm supposed to be working but actually wasting precious hours on hunting for PMO. Sometimes as a daily routine. Whacking one off and frantically covering up all evidence. Then repeating a few hours later. Gah! What a waste of a life). I really would like to crack 40, 50, 60 days on the counter soon.

    Keep at it guys, take some ground today.

    Reason #28) Simple, but you can't always see it when you're stuck in the dopamine loop: PMO = loser behavior. Don't behave like a loser. You don't have to.
     
    realness and -Luke- like this.
  20. catchingup

    catchingup Active Member

    hello @Rudolf Geyse! Congrats on 10 days! Wishing you success!!
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.

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