Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Back to first principles today. Who am I? What am I trying to achieve? Why is PMO so detrimental to that? What is the root cause behind the PMO habit? What makes me think I can overcome it?

    Good to ask these questions. I am thoroughly convinced of these things, just need to action 'em in the critical moments... Let's go
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I know these early stages of my streaks so well. Out of the gate on a new streak PMO is no problem. I'm focussed, productive. Occasionally there will be a chaser effect in these early days or just lingering thoughts that I'm tempted to act out on. But generally I can make the right decision here in this stage.
     
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Checking in. 2 days OK.
     
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  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Do it! Put more energy into this! Prepare mentally for the time when you usually fall and decide that, no matter what, this bad habit won't make you its victim this time.
     
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Now 4 days. Doing good.

    Has anybody here gone on joinfortify.com? What has been your experience? I'm trying it out, the interface and concept is pretty good.
     
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    5 Days. FMO'd last night. Other than that, very clean streak, have looked at nothing. Still want to root out FMO's tho, not helpful.

    Same old stress jumping back in, temptation to lose my marbles again, and run for the hills, ie. play video games and eventually look at P. Instead I'm jumping into the fray and doing the right thing. We'll get there, one thing at a time.
     
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  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Hey Rudolf,

    What have you implemented as a healthy way of relaxation during the day?
     
  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks BWB. Pretty much purely a mental switch. Previously I was holding it like this: "I can't do this. Let me run and hide."

    As opposed to today: "Discomfort is nothing. I can and will do this. Let me make a start. I won't get to everything, but there is plenty I can accomplish."

    I actually have been taking relaxation time all along, I'm good at breaking up my work day and looking for quality relaxation - I take frequent breaks, even a regular nap most afternoons - but without the mental switch above, the breaks would end up getting longer and longer, worse and worse, eventually I'd check out some P or similar, not willing to face up to the deadlines.

    Today I think it's been healthier. I've been on a diet of Bible intake, pondering Hebrews 13, Ephesians 2 - we are "created in Christ for good works" - scriptures to live by. And checking in on YBR and Fortify.

    Your turn bro. What's your change that brought you to 9 days?
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2021
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  9. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Great work, @Rudolf Geyse. Our motivation is good - and needed - but the Word actually changes lives. Read It, take It all in.

    It was sometimes the only thing that kept me from giving up and living a "life" of complacency in a cycle of PMO. Or, even worse - I'm a decent looking guy that could've been, especially after my divorce, the hurting one jumping from bed to bed, victimizing other women as a way to cope / get "revenge" on a meta level. Hard to imagine I could go that low, because I'm everything opposite that; but I am sure not one of us knows how low we could go and sometimes contemplating this sends chills down my back.

    Instead, my ex wife is still the only woman I slept with and I wouldn't have it any other way. Although it is normal for a follower of Christ, I am proud of it. Sex will be - if and when it happens - within the confines of marriage.

    When all other reasons to stay clean fail, realizing it's a sin and we're not meant to live in such a state is reason enough to get up and do the right thing.

    The good works are there to do. Beyond merely staying pure. Today, I helped a fellow brother that took in a 4 month-old child, abandoned in the hospital. My little help made a huge difference. I prayed for a grieving woman; that's all I could do for her. Then another situation. I gave a friend some home-made cake. Had fellowship with other friends (listening to others is ALL that they need sometimes). Did my part to help a relative battling another addiction (as an accountability partner; had a nice chat with him). Prepared for the new opportunities to serve in the church. Then, planned a friend's blessing of his child for tomorrow. Work.

    All these, almost made me forget about my own suffering (some health issues). Do you think I had time to think about P, by any chance :)? Nope.

    There is so much pain in this world, and we, as Christians, are called to embody Christ and walk in the ways He did while on Earth. Imagine if all Christians lived like Christ. There would be less tears in this world, for sure. Witnessing the pain and doing something to alleviate it puts our own struggles - yes, including the one we are going through here - in perspective.
     
    Last edited: Oct 4, 2021
  10. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    That sounds really good man, a helpful mindstate can make the difference. Proud of you!

    My goal is now semen retention, because it seems I can control that. I did P once during those 9 days. But I felt so horrible afterwards (physically and mentally) that I anchored that memory. I don’t ever want to feel that horrible again.

    Not allowing myself to O during that last session tricked my brain to think nothing I can find is good enough to O to. So what’s the use in looking for it?

    This among other things is helping me right now. I think not journaling is actually helping as well, oddly enough. Had to get out of the loop.
     
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  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the solid posts @CleanBootsBaby! and @BoughtWithBlood . Back at it today, aiming for more of the same. Lots of curve balls already this morning but rather taking it head on than running away to play poker.

    Also I have booked to take some time out of town with the family next week. A friend mentioned that under lockdown the lines between work and home time have become blurred and we should actually be taking more time out, which I thought was wise. I just hope the clients and employers can understand it as well.
     
  12. Old Tom Bombadil

    Old Tom Bombadil Active Member

    CBB this is such a strong post full of so much wisdom. Your good works are such an inspiration to me thank you. All best, Old Tom
     
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  13. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you, @Old Tom Bombadil . I am genuinely humbled by your kind words!
     
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Nice resource @crhisram14 , thanks for that. I'll keep checking elevated recovery I'm sure. No need to post multiple times though! Have a good one
     
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  15. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks for the contribution, I'll check it out.

    But yeah, like @Rudolf Geyse said: it's best to keep things neat. Thanks :)!
     
  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I feel like I've absolutely won this thing, but it's still early days. I'm noticing subtle changes. Like, today I woke up with the same old exhaustion and sense of being overwhelmed with things that need my attention. But instead of wanting to force more sleep, to hide under the covers etc, I thought, "well, let's get up and at 'em."

    Also the vague, unfocussed urges come up and I am starting to see the "training" kick in. I am able to set the urges aside.

    Time will tell if we're in fact doing better. I want my 40 days clean! First step is to get to 21 days, my trigger zone, and then to take it one day at a time.

    Reading the above I think I also still need to give some time to delegation of tasks, financial budgets, see if I can work something out to free up some time and I think even more importantly, alleviate the mental load.
     
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  17. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    More power to you, brother!
     
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  18. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Ah nuts. I opened some tabs last night, then went from there to FMO.

    I'm still very much happy with my streak and haven't had a full-blown relapse take me out of the game yet, but very much not happy to have to report this behaviour. I see that if I don't tighten this up, a full relapse will be inevitable.

    What was the trigger? This is brutally honest: I don't like to even talk about this but there have been obstacles to sex with my wife. General tiredness for both of us, difficulty in lining up her schedule with mine. She is an early riser, I am a night owl. Sex can easily become infrequent. I think I need to make more of an effort there, more good communication. Somehow we need to eke out some time together to chill and enjoy one another. Not easy tho.
     
  19. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    When there's willingness, there is a way (that you will find) :). (Imagine some of us don't have a wife and all we can do is wait for the wet dream, which can elude us for months. And hear the urologist tell us our prostate is not doing that well (it is, now, after treatment) - because of this, or another thing? No one can tell. Yet we all need to do the right thing. Now that is paying a price.)

    So, be encouraged. If others can, so can you! Good news! :)

    Clean days, even if not contiguous, pile up. All the best!
     
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  20. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

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