Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Oh no, here he goes again with the no-pun-intended puns :p

    Best of luck Rudolf. "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion".
     
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  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Hahaha! This one (the 3rd), like the first one, and unlike the second, was unintentional :(...of course, once I typed it...oh well:



    :D
     
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Dealing with the usual stress a lot better. Putting it into words and coaching myself through. I'm hoping to put down a lot more thoughts here as time allows, let's see how that goes.
     
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  4. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great job man! Keep it up!
     
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  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Definitely feel like I've rounded a corner with my mental state. Time will tell though, the proof is in the pudding. I feel like when I get to 30 days I'll have something to say.

    In any case I couldn't have got this far without the forum! I mean it. Thanks brothers for your support and getting me thinking about what needs to change.

    Iron Will rank: Scout.
     
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  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Halfway to my big trigger timeframe of 20 days into the streak. I'm seeing that PMO relapse has been a symptom of a root cause for me of being overwhelmed by work, tasks, life. By focussing on the productivity workflow with rest, and helpful ways to deal with stress, I'm on a much better footing. I am not addicted to P, so much as compulsively looking for escape in my lowest moments. Never struggled with PIED (although I do perform better when I'm not in the P haze). My issue is coping with what life throws at us.

    I did let through another MO but I'm much more indifferent to that lately. The problem for me was not a standalone MO, my issue was always the destructive rampant use of mostly P subs which would take me out of the game of life for hours and days at a time... that is what is unacceptable. However. I do want to distance myself from even occasional MO's because i) I can't agree with my thought life when MO'ing. It's not helpful and doesn't line up with who I am/who I want to be. And ii) because it feeds those ingrained unhelpful neurological patterns which trip me up into more severe binges.

    Still wish I had time to write more here! Maybe I'll do THAT next time I'm craving the escape!
     
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  7. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Rudolf Geyse well said.
    But don't underestimate the negative effects of MO on its own. It's as destructive as P on its own or PMO as a whole.
     
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  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @Shady, I'm inclined to agree with you.

    Last night, I think showed me that the process is working... Had a whole bunch of unfocused horniness. My wife is so attractive to me but has been tired and in pain. We are praying and seeing some doctors & specialists who have given us some good pointers to implement, I'm sure we will see the difference soon. But for the time being the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Anyway it puts me in a predicament. The old way was to sort myself out after she goes to bed. You know, loser behaviour. So last night I confess to opening some browsers, but it was a positive experience. Came up to the usual blockers, my systems are now pretty watertight, so I couldn't go back to the same old traps I always fell for. Weighed up in my mind some other options and decided it wasn't worth it for the time I would have to invest into chasing down an O, might have taken an hour or more for a few seconds of pleasure. Tired myself out with some reading and Prime Video, went to bed. Considered MO'ing in bed, but with my wife there, I just thought, this isn't right, went to sleep pretty easily after that.

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh huh uh huh uh huh uh huh." - The Proclaimers.
     
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  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    You know... I REALLY WISH I HADN'T spent all those hours and years ingraining those neural pathways for the sake of smut! Bah!
     
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  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Had a mind-blowing time with my wife night before last. Well worth the wait. I can't imagine any P or F which could bring that level of satisfaction.

    Was dodging the chaser effect after that, there is still a lot of awful fiction rolling around in my head and it's a challenge to avoid going there. But I managed. I keep reminding myself it's not worth the time to commit it to paper. I wouldn't publish it online 'cause I don't want other kids to struggle with the same things I struggle with. So it's just a huge waste of time to go there. Also I keep tiring myself out with legitimate downtime viewing and gaming.
     
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  11. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great job man, keep it up!
     

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