Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks!!! Im new in this and hope to talk about this with you or any one wants to talk about
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Yeah man, can talk anytime in the thread. I hope there's something in here to help you.
     
  3. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks, lets go for it! Its a new day, we can do it!
     
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    8 days on the counter already, wow. Urging some, today. I can feel it's classic avoidance of uncomfortable tasks. It's difficult but I'm not going to cave.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I didn't relapse today but it was not a great day. Hit a slump, spent too much time on the phone, got through only one or two tasks. Hopefully I'll be able to jump back in from tonight. I'm taking stock of how much time I am allocating to rest, family time etc cos I think I'm burning the candle at both ends a bit.
     
    Shady, Babylonier and Bilbo Swaggins like this.
  6. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Becare....i fail...but i know i can go ahead...didnt PM at least
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2021
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I was kind of glad last night - I decided not to work after all, and catch up on some shows, it's been ages. Sat there urging but instead of acting on it just kept watching til it was late enough to fall asleep easily. Urges averted. More productive day today so far.
     
  8. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Nice to read, have a nice and productive day!
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I let through another MO. Pro: I avoided acting out, searching for something to look at etc. which for me means I avoided full-blown relapse. Con: I know from the research that MO, while arguably better than PMO, does not help with rebooting. No more strikes, will reset the counter on the next MO. Hopefully it won't come to that.
     
  10. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    Would it perhaps be a good idea to have two different counters, one for P(MO) and one for MO? Like you said, it may not help, but it's still better than watching porn. For some people I think it can have a negative psychological effect when you reset your counter because of MO, like "Oh, now that I'm back to zero anyway, I might just go for full PMO"
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Great post with some good points, @-Luke- . Nice to hear from you. I actually started using the Iron Will app, it's a pretty simple day counter and I'm keeping tabs on the MO there. Thanks again.
     
  12. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Nope. Jonesed all day Sunday, didn't cave. But kept on urging. Started peeking Monday, yesterday I finally caved with something of a binge.

    That is not what I want. What I want I wrote at the beginning of the journal, Jan 2020:

    I still think that I have taken massive strides since then. But it's not enough to say that after every relapse. I see through this process how fickle and shallow I am, how little backbone I have. I am coming to terms with that. So I don't expect perfection now as a destination, but I do expect perfection as a lifelong direction. I believe it's only with the help of God's transformative power that I CAN do better than 15 days on the counter. I want to hit 40 days again. I don't want my productivity and enjoyment I get out of life to be hampered anymore.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  13. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    You’ll get there. But a change of mindset is probably required. Guys like me who successfully stay away from porn don’t need that much will to do so, as I mentioned earlier it’s been relatively easy for me to stay clean so far. I haven’t had to "stay strong" or anything like that since I started rebooting: I was so desperate to fix my ED and to have a better life when I discovered YBOP that I put PMO out of my life immediately and didn’t go back. I had a good motivation (fixing my ED), so I didn’t feel like I was depriving myself of a pleasure, but instead that I was opening a new chapter in my life.

    I don’t know, it’s all mysterious… You’ll get there too, you’re just not there yet. Find that extra motivation that will make it easier for you to stay away from porn, and try to accept that life is somewhat a little more boring without porn, but that it’s okay and that life isn’t supposed to be just fun. And, on the other hand, don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t set standards that are so high that no one could reach them. Staying away from porn is a reasonable goal; being a perfect man isn’t. I would smoke, drink and PMO all day if it didn’t turn me into a wreck. I avoid these things as much as possible because of the consequences they have on me, not because I want to be perfect. It’s only natural to seek pleasure in life, man, don’t blame yourself for that. Don’t try to be perfect. Just try to eliminate the unhealthy behaviors that have big consequences on your life.
     
    Rudolf Geyse and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    This is where I see the progress. These early days in each streak are pretty smooth sailing. Hope y'all are doing well.
     
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Holey moley! Pride comes before a fall, right? Counter reset, day 8, severe relapse. Since the last post I regressed like 100%. I mean for the last two nights and all of today I was back to that awful rampant all-consuming behaviour that got me to sign up for this forum in the first place. Dammit! And I've been making real progress too. Ai! I'm glad I've come back to my senses a little. Gotta get back on the wagon again...
     
  16. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    I’ve had one of those not too long ago. They’re pretty harsh. Don’t lose hope man!

    Well done on coming on here and being honest with yourself and others. Bringing it in the light is the right way to go about it.
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  17. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Guys. Not good. Back into some bad habits. Lotsa soul searching going on. Seriously. Will keep posting here.
     
    BoughtWithBlood and Shady like this.
  18. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Rudolf Geyse forget about all of that right now.
    Let me ask you, how are you doing? How's your life going? Anything significant, good or bad happened recently?
    Hope you are alright.
     
    Rudolf Geyse and BoughtWithBlood like this.
  19. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @Shady . I don't know? My wife and I are both pretty tired. We have more kids than most couples. We moved house a couple of months ago but are still running with a lot of changes to the new place. It's a beautiful house, beautiful situation. On one hand we are fine, no complaints, especially compared to what some people are facing right now with the third wave of the pandemic, etc. Constant urges. Same old stresses of lots of work, lots of demands. Took some vacation a month back cos I knew we needed it but that already feels like ancient history, still trying to dig deep to be productive. Lockdown levels are changing here, messing with routines.

    I'm sure all of that is adding up to a load on the brain which I just don't want to deal with. The only thing keeping me from plunging into a constant world of PMO stuff now is I know the time it will take, and I don't want to look back 2, 3, more, hours from now and be like, oh, man, I've wasted the afternoon on absolute crap.
     
  20. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    Why don't you take a break?
    Go on vacation with your family. Are you vaccinated?
     
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.

Share This Page