Let's go

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Rudolf Geyse, Dec 30, 2019.

  1. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Hey @dark red drifter vessel . Thanks for well-wishes. To answer the question, the trade-off of pmo was short-term relief from stress, for longer-term increased stress because of avoiding the issues to spend vital time on pmo. I don't feel this is a helpful way to regulate.

    I've been looking into "flow" / "flow states", which is a session in which you get caught up in work, or even restful activities. I've experienced this before and this is a more helpful way of coping. What stresses me out is having piles of work on my plate which I need to get to. Aside from working smarter, delegating etc, a better tactic than escapism is to get going on projects which take all my focus for a couple of hours, so my mind is set on the tasks rather than the sense of being overwhelmed. Or even rest, like watching some great episodes with good characters I care about, so that I forget about my situation in a more positive way than pmo.

    The best way to find that is to just get started without procrastinating, and also find ways to avoid interruptions (like email notifications, definitely social media notifications - these need to be turned off for a while). Interruptions = stressors.

    Again, I talk a good game, let's see if I can apply these and maximise the streak.
     
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  2. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great points. I’ve been working on a time schedule myself to chop up things I need to do in bitesize pieces. It helps me to not feel overwhelmed cause there’s just one task to do in a certain timespan.

    Stress is a big one and can really throw us off. Goodluck man!
     
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  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Despite all my good intentions I fell into a bit of a rut the last 24 hours, really feeling totally unmotivated by the seeming mountain of work I have to get to. I'm ready to claw my way out though. Counter reset, 13 days. 2 weeks is a bit of a hurdle at the moment.
     
  4. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    This thing is still all over me, I'm exercising some resolve to get over it. Will need to watch out for the chaser effect for the next day or so.
     
  5. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Rode out that first session without caving. Had another pang now getting to work. I'm trying to focus on the peace of mind I'll have if I can get through certain urgent tasks.
     
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I can see a pattern, coming out of relapse, after the initial chaser period, where the streak is easy. At some stage, around 10-12 days, a particular fetish or scene will come into my head and I'll start obsessing over it and head towards an eventual relapse. I need everything I can muster for that coming moment in time.
     
  7. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Feelin' fine. Busy with a big house moving project, end-of-month stuff which I'm still trying to finish up... too busy to waste any time at the moment.
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  8. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Decided not to work late last night, cos I was too tired. Had a round of COD, caught up some Netflix... Sure enough, I started jonesing pretty early on in the evening.... but didn't look at anything dodgy, no F, no MO. The perfect evening for building the streak.
     
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  9. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Still going strong.

    Reason not to fap #38): Because if the opportunity presents itself for an intimate moment with my wife, I don't ever want to be thinking to myself in that moment, "Oh hell, but I just MO'd a few moments ago..."
     
  10. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Wow 11 days. I'm still stressed out but it's not manifesting as an urge to fap. We are moving house and there have been some highs and lows in the process. Overall it adds stress. I'll be glad when the move is behind us and it will be worth it to set us up for (hopefully) years to come. I also had an unintentional screen "detox" while my wifi is still being sorted out at the new place. It's been really helpful. I have had no urge to spend as much time on screens, in fact I've enjoyed being off screens for a while.

    This has been one of the cleanest streaks I've had since I started here. This stretch is usually where I cave though, so will need to be on guard and keep my thought life in order.
     
  11. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    @Bilbo Swaggins thanks for all the likes. I appreciate the support. It's helpful to see that I'm not just talking to myself in here.;)
     
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  12. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Ahah, I know what you mean. Feels like it’s a private journal sometimes, and that we are actually just writing for ourselves :rolleyes:
     
  13. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Great work Rudolf! Glad the time off-screen is working out for you. Enjoy the new home :)
     
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  14. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Counter says 15 days. My wife and I have both been working flat out for a couple of weeks without much down time while we have moved house and tackled some renovations at the same time. By the end of the day she is legitimately too tired to enjoy sexy exciting times. She is an early riser, but, not me, and anyway, the kids are up real early so we would have to wake up way, way early to do it then. I was content for a long while not to push it, we'll get back to regular sex soon enough I reckon, and I don't feel it's loving to her to demand sex right now.

    As this situation wore on, I let through a P subs-MO. I don't think I can count it as a relapse. It was the most passionless, mechanical, unsatisfying experience. More than anything it reminded me it's worth chasing intimacy with my wife rather.

    All in all a positive reminder which just showed me again why we're doing what we do.

    Thanks BWB, the new place rocks.
     
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  15. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Counter says 19 days. My last longish (for me) streak was 26 days, so another week to go to beat that, then onward. Doing really well at the moment, urges are at a low. I am aware that at some point the thought will pop in: "It's been a while since I... why don't I just..." This time, I want to overrule that ridiculous, poisonous, destructive thought. Going along with it will limit my life and potential.

    I cranked out a task last night that has been bothering me for MONTHS. It was not difficult but felt like a big hurdle for ages 'cos I just was battling to get to it. Crushed it! Victorious moment!

    Another reminder that avoidance via P is not the answer but part of the problem!
     
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  16. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I fell for it AGAIN! Counter reset, 24 days. I feel foolish. Gah.

    Back on the horse I suppose. Another relapse, another site blocked. As always, I'm glad it's now multiple weeks on average, rather than daily... What will help me get to 40 days again, I wonder...? I need to follow through with intentionality in that 20-30 day period.
     
  17. Babylonier

    Babylonier Member

    To bad rudolf! Be strong! Don’t let anything stop you to do it right this time! I hope you can learn out of this one? What made u do it?
     
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  18. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Thanks @Babylonier . That is always a great question to ask... What made me do it? I think pretty much the same as always. Stressed out, loaded with tasks and curve balls. But instead of actually tackling the mountain of work to reduce the stress, or even taking productive downtime, I have trained myself on this behaviour of "escaping" via PMO. In my head I can acknowledge 100% it's not worth it - it's a proper waste of time that muddies up the whole week, and it keeps me enslaved in a downward spiral - but in that moment it seems like an attractive option. Bleagh! That's why I need to keep mindful and intentional. The pattern is that I slip in the 20-30 days period.

    Porn is candy-covered turd. It seems all nice to go for, but you end up with a crappy situation.
     
  19. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    You’ll get there brother!
     
  20. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Rudolf Geyse this streak is going to last for at least 60 days. I'm telling you.
     
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