I've fought this for too long... I don't know, 20 years on and off? I'd like to commit to journaling for 90 days. I've already taken a lot of ground in terms of setting up filtering software to lock me out of looking at porn, and so the urges have led me largely to elaborate fantasies in my own head, relating to my particular fetish. Ugh, it's awful to say this stuff out loud, right? But it's more awful to cover it up... putting it out there, even if it is a terrible experience, is part of disillusionment, and disillusionment is always good... The thought that I have had this under control is a destructive illusion. To try to somehow justify time spent on porn is the illusion! In this season I want to face up to the illusions and put this behind me. Put porn in the past. Put those neural pathways to death! If anyone will follow this, stay tuned, you'll hopefully hear from me regularly, and maybe my rambling experience can help someone in the community... if no-one is reading that's also cool, I'm doing this not to be read, but as another intentional step to rebalance my brain. That's my goal.