Less porn More Life.

Discussion in 'Ages -19' started by Lightseeker, Jun 17, 2019.

  1. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    My Story, Thread post topics​

    Hello all, I'm a 19 year old who was introduced to porn at the age of 11. From the first moment it created the neurological pathways towards artificial stimulation and from there that string of neurons was only strengthened to a now seemingly structured metal beam. At my worst, I'd say it was some middle and highschool years, I would pmo not only daily but I would go on binges lasting hours with multiple O's. Superficially I would justify this with the proverbial "Masturbation is healthy" which is one of the most destructive lies one can induce. Deep down though I knew this wasn't right, but it was as if my want/hired need for pmo and intense stimulation was above my own free will in the pyramid of power within my own brain, thus not valuing that feeling of remorse and only coping it with the next session. I't wasn't until highschool when I started having sexual relations with girls, at first ED wasn't even in my radar of consciousness. Until one day I was in the middle of sex and started to worry about my performance (performance anxiety) and I started to get less and less hard until eventually I faked an orgasm in hopes of keeping this secret to myself. I then had this worry lodged in my psyche, every time after that I would subconsciously fear going soft and therefore not being able to please the woman. Porn wasn't fully at fault for my limp dick episode but definitely played a pivotal role. The frequency at which I pmo recently has declined significantly, any time I did would only be a relapse, it's been like this for a good 6 months now. I had my final relapse last night as I know this isn't serving me along my path, thus is why I'm here sharing on this forum. I believe community support from other people who understand the subject is going to be more than beneficial. I'm here to seek help and to disperse any knowledge that can help someone going through the same motions. I will post my progress on here as well as wisdom and knowledge I stumble upon while on this journey. Feel 100% safe in this environment and I encourage you to post, as interactions with like minded people will help heal the traumas pmo has unfortunately created. I hope to inspire not only myself but you reading this for we are all one.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Sounds very familiar to me. Good that now you can see through it.

    Welcome to the board. The -19 section is a bit quiet, I hope that doesn't stop you from posting. As you already know, interaction on this board will really help you grow. I owe a lot to the people on this board myself. It would be good if you check out the other age group sections as well and put a link to your journal in your signature. I will be following your updates.

    I hope that @YBR-Admin can do another sweep of the spam in the -19 section.
     
  3. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

     
  4. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    Day 2 of no pmo and also learning to control my thoughts. Sometimes your brain likes to fool you into feeling a certain way. Trust that it's never you and that you have full control over what and how you feel. Never doubt yourself for which doing so will only lead you down a lower path. I have absolutely no urge to masturbate or watch porn of any kind, to those struggling; Allow yourself to dive into the present moment, there is infinitely more to do than just what your brain might tell you. You are the driver behind the wheel, not your ego.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  5. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    Today 7 days after my first post I had an urge to masturbate. Literally almost gave in just then but remembered why I’m doing this and to some degree this forum kept me from it. Thank you. If you’re struggling with the urges just redirect that primal energy into something creative. Channel that need to feel pleasure into a pleasurable experience in itself, that be through art or simply doing something from start to finish not to just find an end to the task (i.e cleaning a space) but make that task an end in it of itself. The present moment is precious and theres infinite levels of which you can experience it. The more will you build the stronger you become, both mentally physically and spiritually. Yes I could go watch some video of other human beings having meaningless sex, or I could read a book, or meditate, time is just a concept. Life is one long present moment, what you do in each present determines your inherent future. Which is also just another present moment ;) just not here yet. Peace and wholeness to all reading <3
     
    Gil79 and -Luke- like this.
  6. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    I fuckin relapsed so its day 1 now. temptation is a crazy thing man but gotta be strong. Im gonna do nofap “monk mode”. This’ll serve as a new beginning to really feel the effects of it and everyday I’m gonna update this journal so I can track the feeling progress. So far this morning, scattered thoughts, little to no motivation, feelings of depression, slight anxiety specifically in social areas. Nothing I can’t beat though. I’m gonna meditate every morning and might for 30 minutes. and incorporate teachings from deepak chopras “7 spiritual laws of success” I hit a 9 day streak before thats my current high.
     
  7. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    yo everything is literally in your head. Power comes from within. Every moment is there for you to own it and make it your own experience. No need nor time for negative feelings or thoughts. Lets get it ✊
     
  8. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    relapsed again day 1. Starts now
     
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    This is really important to me. Really have to be more comfortable in the present moment ....
    At day 1 as well. Let's do this!
     
    Lightseeker likes this.
  10. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    Reboot day 1 starts now. No more relapsing back to pmo or old habits like overeating and laziness. It starts with no fap, eating to live not living to eat, and doing what I most don’t want to do without thinking just doing. July 1st strong
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  11. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    relapsed friday night. I really dont want to waste my energy anymore so I’m not. Last few times I have relapsed it’s been more of my choice rather than a need to do it. more of a wanting thing. Nevertheless thats over now. day 2 of nofap
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  12. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker New Member

    back after a while, went 2 weeks no pmo while on vacation. relapsed yesterday. I’m giving it another go, today is day 1. Last night’s relapse was out of boredom and not necessarily a need to do it. Addiction can be an intimidating word so I’m gonna call it a habit. I’m done wasting my energy to pixels on a screen. Read up on balancing my root chakra and no pmo or sexual thoughts will definitely accelerate the healing process. Love and Wholeness to all reading. I’m gonna update this journal with progress of my spiritual journey daily.
     

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