Leaving porn behind - new journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by LKe, Apr 12, 2020.

  1. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Keep up the good work. Keep recognizing those times when you are at your lowest, and fight back.

    Two weeks will turn into four weeks in no time.
     
  2. LKe

    LKe Member

    Another relapse for me unfortunately.

    Got a migraine, came home from work, and watched porn on my phone. I just felt like shit, and when I'm feeling low I reach for porn. I didn't collapse straight away though, i was sending myself the right messages when I first got home...

    So back to it from this evening. That 23 days - relapse - and the 11 days - relapse. Both good chunks of time for me. But I'm not here just to take longer between relapse. I want to shift away from porn entirely. What today has taught me is that part of that is having a plan in place on how to focus on recoverying when I'm feel shit rather than going for porn.
     
  3. LKe

    LKe Member

    Day 3. Feeling some urges tonight, but feeling solid for the most part. Good to remind myself why I'm doing this:
    • To focus my sexual energy on my partner, and the world around me my rather than getting caught up in this manufacture fantasy world of porn
    • To find a calmer state of mind by getting out of that cycle of urges, worries, relapses, slumps and cravings. r
    • To free up space in my mind, and focus on things which I enjoy and make me happy, rather than a thing which undermines my self confidence
    • To regain a sense of excitement and curiousity around sex
     
  4. LKe

    LKe Member

    It's been an average week for me. I've watched porn a few times. Feeling like I've taken a step backwards. I think one problem is that I installed this super-strong blocking software but I've still managed to find ways round it. Basically my mindset shifted from 'I need to exercise self-control and stop watching porn' to 'I can rely on this software to block any porn and If i can find a way round it then it's there fault not mine'. And, of course, I have found ways round it. So I need to focus back in on exercising my decision making and self control. Obiviously a block can lend you a few moments when you're feeling weak but that's about it.

    Exercising my decision making is a good way of looking at it I think. I've framed up porn as an addiction and habit which is beyond my control and that is very disempowering. Yes it is addictive, but if I just keep repeating 'I'm addicited' that's not going to get me anywhere. What I need to focus on is that every day there is a set of decisions I can make that mean I wont watch porn. And I've got to intentionally make those decisions each day. That muscle in my brain is very weak at the moment but If I focus on nailing it each day it will get stronger.
     
  5. Lakaf

    Lakaf Active Member

    lets do a challenge!
    who will win a winning streak!
    day0 starts!
     
  6. LKe

    LKe Member

    Ok sounds good @Lakaf - lets both win and get to 90+
     
  7. LKe

    LKe Member

    Nine days in. Gone by fast, and without too many urges. I've been busy at work, and socially so I haven't had much time to dwell on it. Onwards and upwards.
     
  8. LKe

    LKe Member

    Resetting again this morning. Watched on Monday this week and last night just didn't get round to updating on here.

    The last couple of times i've been going on public vid chat sites which I feel awful about as I'm in a relationship. For a long time vid chatting has been the most addictive form of getting off for me. It sucks away my time and attention more than anything else. At points I've realised this and gone years without it (while still watching porn). But lately I've been back on them again. I'm in a relationship and I know it'd really hurt my partner if she knew I was doing this. I've only done it a couple of times and I need to stop it now or else I think it will really undermine our relationship (even if she doesn't know). I am so lucky to be in a caring relationship (even if it isn't a perfect one) and I want to hold on to that rather than a few cheap thrills online

    More generally I've been feeling a bit run down and haven't setting aside time to relax and meditate lately. I often end up using porn to take a break from it all.

    When I first joined this site I felt like I made some real progress and was approaching my reboot in a more well rounded manner. I want to get back to that. Some key principles for this time around:
    • Post on here as regularly as I can
    • Focus on what I'm going to do each evening to make it a good one - rather than what I'm not going to do e.g. watch porn
    • Put basic blockers on but realise that you also need build and draw on your own self-care and control
    • keep reminding yourself that what seems like a really complex challenge is actually a simple, day-by-day one which will get easier with time
    • look after your health and don't let yourself get run down (meditate, eat well, exercise, drink in moderation and have a few nights to yourself)
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  9. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    You're not alone. I know how addictive chatting can be.
     

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