Leaving porn behind - new journal

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by LKe, Apr 12, 2020.

  1. LKe

    LKe Member

    No strong urges today. Busy with work and went out for a long bike this evening.

    I'm keen to install some more thorough blocking software and saw someone mention detoxify on here. It looks really good. Unlike most blockers it looks quite hard to undo/uninstall because you have to get a pin and you can set it so a buddy is notified when you do uninstall. Curious to know if anyone on here has had experience with it?? It's $5 a month. I think I'll give it a go.

    Here's the link: https://detoxifypornblocker.com/

    @Saq congrats on a week!
     
    Saq likes this.
  2. LKe

    LKe Member

    It's our first weekend out of lockdown so I'm going to be away from my comp most it. No strong urges today, definitely have notice a drop off. Haven't gotten detoxify going yet due to some technical issues but they're really helpful so should have it running by next week.

    Will be drinking a bit tonight so will make sure not to let that get my guard down.
     
  3. Saq

    Saq New Member

    Would be interesting to see if that detoxify software actually works and is good. Because I am defo looking into get one myself to help with my recovery.

    @LKe - well on - keep going mate
     
  4. LKe

    LKe Member

    18 Days. Got through the weekend ok. Was away from my computer most of Saturday and Sunday so little temptation. I was busy both nights though so feeling a bit run down and Sunday evening is often a dangerous time for me when I'm like this. Gonna watch some TV, read and go to bed.

    I enjoyed sex with my partner this weekend. I felt like it was more pleasurable than usual, certainly I was keener to initiate it then I normally am. Perhaps that's a positive result of a few weeks off porn that I'm already noticing.

    I haven't had any luck getting detoxify set up. Their customer support team has been helpful but my computer won't let it start up properly and keeps asking for my password over and over. I think it might be that I'm on an old OS, and the Mac app is still in an early phase. Anyway I'll have one more try tomorrow to get it going.

    I think part of the larger picture of letting go of porn and embracing this chance to change is looking after may wellbeing more generally. I drank too much on Friday night, slept poorly on Sat night, didn't get enough alone time over the weekend, and has some tension with my partner all of which has left me feeling run down now. And when I'm run down I can start looking for a distraction in porn. On one level I'm building my skills at saying no to porn even if I'm run down. But I also want to improve my skills at looking after myself so that I don't get run down in the first place. One obvious step which I'm often good at, but not always, is moderating my drinking on the weekends. That's the goal for next weekend then. If I drink, drink in moderation.

    So I feel for me effort to drop porn, and pick up new habits is going to be part of a broader shift in some of my habits and behaviours. Because the two are interlinked.
     
  5. Saq

    Saq New Member

    @LKe - Bit of personal question man so if you dont want to answer please feel free not to. Do you find because your Porn free for 19days does that improve your sex performance / drive with your partner?
     
  6. LKe

    LKe Member

    Day 20. 3 weeks tomorrow. That's the longest streak I would've done in a while.

    Feeling solid for the most part. Had an urge yesterday after going through my feed on facebook. The less time on social media like that the better for me at the moment I think.

    A couple of key changes for me have been:
    - posting on here each night. essentially post on here each night, and reading others stories, has become a positive habit before bed to replace porn, or edging around it on youtube, facebook etc. If I know I'm going to have to front up on here each night and fess up if I've watched porn it feels less appealing
    - cutting out youtube: youtube, especially music vids, had become a key bridge into porn for me and I'm feeling a lot less temptation now I'm watching it
    - positive messaging: reminding myself how good this change is for me, why i'm doing it, appreciating the short term effects i'm noticing

    @Saq hard to tell at this early stage but I would say that I have noticed a small but significant improvement in my sex drive. Day to day perhaps my libido is a bit lower because I'm not getting all worked up about porn every evening, fantasising etc. But when I am intimate with my partner I think my drive and enjoyment is increasing.

    ...Now that I'm three weeks in I want to focus on turning my goal of stopping porn into a broader effort to introduce some good new habits , or build off some existing ones. One thing I've really been enjoying is going out for walks after dinner. I'm in a new suburb in the city where I live and it means I get to clear my mind and look out over the harbour and the city centre. I'd like to keep doing that a couple of times a week.

    Another thing that's important for me is having something obvious to do every evening. It's when I'm at a loose end that my mind drifts to porn. The easiest way I can achieve that is just having a good TV series lined up to watch on week nights. I've just finished mad men. Now I need to get a new one lined up. I'm thinking better call saul. If I can lock into that each evening - or spend time hanging with flatmates - then that helps.

    Another good habit I've picked up is learning spanish. I did an exchange in Chile for a semester at uni and could speak well but haven't keep up since I got back. Recently I've been doing duo lingo each day. Want to keep that up as a simple, rewarding thing in the evenings.
     
    Battlesword1 likes this.
  7. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Member

    Just keep adding on the days. Finding those positive or neutral routines is key. It fills your day and occupies your mind. Eventually even if you do stumble back onto a porn site, you might find yourself disgusted with what you see.

    I think Spanish is a great outlet for that type of routine.
     
  8. LKe

    LKe Member

    3 Weeks. Stoked :) Nothing more to report today.
     
  9. LKe

    LKe Member

    Trucking along ok this week. Feeling a bit unsteady this eve, probably from a mix of a few drinks and feeling a bit weird about being back in the office for work. I was feeling a bit socially uncomfortable as i'm in a new team and I can sometime draw inwards on myself and try 'comfort' myself in porn when i'm feeling uneasy like that but now I'm learning to cope with those emotions through other better routes. No strong cravings for porn. But still a pull when i'm on the computer in the eve. This weekend should be solid, busy for the most part. Hope everyone else is going ok.
     
  10. LKe

    LKe Member

    Relapsed last night. Reset my counter just now but it doesn't seem to have changed yet.

    Dissapointed. I was in a good place during this latest reboot and doing things differently. But it does just take one moment of self-indulgence to loose that. At 10:30pm, After hanging with my flatmates I went to my room, posted on here, then started browsing around online within the intention of watching a TV show. I did, eventually, then when it finished kept browsing and quickly found my way into porn. The key mistake was going on to my computer at 10:30pm after a few drinks in the first place. That's a situation where I'm less in control. I can always post on here the day after. It's not worth putting myself in a tricky situation just for that. And the second mistake was browsing around online for a show rather than just watching something I'd download. Browsing online takes me on to streaming sites with all sorts of pop ups and ads which are often sexual in nature, or at least put that on my mind.

    So back on the horse from today. I think I was doing alot of things well in my last reboot that I will build off - posting on here, blocking youtube and staying off social media, positive messaging. But I'm also going to add in some stronger blocking software into the mix. I've subscribed to detoxify and got it going on my computer. IT's blocking everything porn related now but the key function I want to set up is one where you can't change settings or uninstall the app without waiting 24 hours for a password first. The mac version doesn't have this atm but android does so I'm getting in touch with the support team to see if they can set it up for me, I think they'll be able to. Will update on whether it works as I think this kind of function is exactly what a lot of us need.

    Often after relapsing I watch porn a few more times before properly stopping again. I'm not doing that this time around as I don't want to reinforce those negative habits and nueral pathways.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  11. LKe

    LKe Member

    Another relapse. Went against what I said in the previous post. I've gotten detoxify app up and running but quickly found a way round it via downloading content from a torrent site. Basically I thought 'I'll test this out' and used that as an excuse.

    This makes it clear that a blocker is not the be all and end all. I can't just set something up which will prevent me no matter what. There will be ways round. A blocker might just buy me some more time to stop and think. They key driver for change here has to come from a place of wanting to overcome this, not a tech fix.

    Anyway, feeling pretty pathetic that I've crumbled again so quickly. But it's not back to square one. During that 23 day spell I felt more settled in myself and hopeful about things. I'm going to get that back now.

    Good luck to everyone else. Especially anyone who is going through a slump atm I'm there too, lets get past it.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  12. LKe

    LKe Member

    Went fine today. A few urges this evening but nothing major. I'm on my laptop too late again but not the end of the world. Day 1 down on to the next.

    Rainy here. Working from home but going to try get out and exercise tomorrow to keep the spirits up.
     
  13. Saq

    Saq New Member

    Keep Pushing through man
     
  14. LKe

    LKe Member

    Thanks @Saq

    Day 2. Busy with work. Got out for a run in the evening. No strong urges tonight.

    A reboot is exciting because is open up the possibility of growth and change. Obviously you can grown and change when you're not rebooting too but when it comes to sex and relationships I feel like rebooting is the the most crucial thing I can do to unlock new experiences and develop.
     
  15. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Member

    Hey man, keep at it!
     
  16. LKe

    LKe Member

    Thanks @Battlesword1 feeling good to get a few days under my belt.

    Went well today. Up and on my computer a bit late but that is about it. Away for the long weekend coming up here - good to get out of the city after long one and some time away from devices too.

    Keeping building.
     
  17. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Member

    Detoxing from technology is the way to go. Couple that with what social interactions you can in the age of COVID and you'll be in a good emotional spot.
     
  18. LKe

    LKe Member

    Agree @Battlesword1 it was a good combo. Trip went well. Good be with friends now lockdown has finished here. Feeling a bit tempted now I'm back. I often seem to be tempted when I return from trips away, but hardly thought about porn during the trip which was nice. Will stick to my routine tonight a get back in the swing of things.
     
    Battlesword1 likes this.
  19. LKe

    LKe Member

    Felt very tempted this evening. Held back, reminding myself that giving in tonight would just pave the way for another week of strong urges next week.

    I've been having a few problems at work recently (not getting enough to do weirdly), and feeling a bit distant in my relationship, so those feelings are making me want to reach for an easy fix too. But this time round I want to deal with those feelings properly, by figuring out actual actions than correspond to the problems, rather than just subbing in porn.

    11 days now, coming up on two weeks. Keep to it.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  20. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    That's a great thing to remember for sure. It helps me out as well when I consider acting out. If I give in, I'll soon want more or "it" and I'll be even less able to satisfy "it". It's really a trap.
     

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