Leaving Limbo

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by crink, Nov 10, 2019.

  1. baywalker

    baywalker Active Member

    Feel it forward. You are not doomed to repeat mistakes, you aren't repeating mistakes, remember, you are already a better man. Therefore those aren't the same mistakes. You are calibrating.
    crink likes this.
  2. crink

    crink Member

    Took a break from this site.
    Focusing on school. I did a fast, had some good interactions with girls, been getting more stuff done, etc.
    Started to not give an F as much about what people think of me.
    It's been good. These past 16 days have gone by fast.
    baywalker likes this.
  3. baywalker

    baywalker Active Member

    Great to hear. These are all signs you are recovering. Keep it up!
    crink likes this.
  4. crink

    crink Member

    Back again. This week has been another good one!

    I realize how frustrated I have been with women in my life but I haven't worked that hard to do much about it.
    I hate to jinx things, but I haven't really felt drawn to porn.
    I've said this in the past but I've had times where triggering things have popped up on social media and I don't think anything of it.
    What interests me is scoring with a women irl.

    It's felt like with porn I was doing this engrained habit over and over again where I was even watching the same videos year in and year out.
    Also, I feel like it didn't really reflect my taste in women.
    It was a perversion.

    I'm doing better in school, spending less time on my phone. Focusing more on the life that I want.
    Little by little. Making these changes and keeping track.
    Putting myself out there, trying to meet more cool people and girls.

    I have felt trapped for a while. I have grown up with a nice safety net and support system.
    These people are great, but I don't feel a connection with them anymore

    It's time to move on, so instead of talking about it. I'm trying to do it for real.

    It feels good!

    Getting out of my comfort zone and also being okay with not being good at something right away.
    Like with trying to score with girls.
    Gotta build confidence somehow.
  5. crink

    crink Member

    Lazy rn. Quarter is starting to weigh on me. I don't feel like doing anything but that's no excuse
    Gonna go to bed early :)
    baywalker likes this.
  6. crink

    crink Member

    Wow. 30 days. I feel pretty accomplished! Been a while since i've gone this long. Haven't masturbated either.

    I had a reconciling convo with my sister.. it's but i am starting to heal and forgive her
    I've realized that I seem to not go after gils that are into me. Or are unavailable.
    The girls that seem o be into me, i'm not interested.
    Idk man.

    Been having a hard time winding down at night.
    I want to read this great book on dating I've started but i distract myself on social media too much :/

    really behind on sleep.
    i had a temptation to look up porn tonight.
    idk whether it's the release of having a difficult convo. all those feelings
    hard to say
    i feel like it happened and now I go "Now what?"

    Now what is so scary to me. i freeze, and ususally run to porn soon as i don' know how to answer that question.
  7. crink

    crink Member

    Coool. I am doing alright. Burnt out from this quarter and starting to not give a shit.
    I'm trying to find things out for me. Get a sense of my identity.
    I realize how I've been addicted to unrequited love and fantasy.
    Dreaming of girls at night but never approaching them.
    Keeping them up on a pedestal. It's dangerous!
    I guess that's why i like the porn, too. It's all fantasy, and I don't have to commit and know the real her.
    Anyways, I want to make the change.
    Uhh. Yeah, I have thoughts and temptations still but I am not really interested that much.
    The thoughts come up but it's pretty much, ehh.

    One thing I wanna do, is get in touch with my feelings more, and tend to them faster rather than trying to suppress or distract from them.
    All of the Above.
    baywalker likes this.
  8. Chmp

    Chmp New Member

    Lots of things tht porn doesn't teach coz real women hv emotions whereas in porn u jst c the sex part nd besides none of wht hppns in porn normal women wd evr evn wnt to try. So for some of us who were addicted b4 havin real sex get stuck with a wrong way of wanting to b pleasured by a woman nd tht is wat messes u
    crink likes this.
  9. crink

    crink Member

    Back with a big relapse. Too tired to go into detail. I've been binging a lot the past couple days. But I don't see it as a giant reset. Keep it moving.
  10. crink

    crink Member

    well yeah, i notice something that I get out of watching porn besides the getting turned on, seeing naked women, etc.
    It's that I feel a part of me is unleashed.
    My shadow side...
    A therapist pointed this out to me a couple years ago but now I really get it
    I like who i am while i'm watching porn
    I'm not an overly nice guy who bends over backwards. i am selfish, put myself first, am relentless, and get what i want
    Something that I wish i was like more of in real life.
    It's as if I have hidden away this side of me and only let him out to play when I watch porn.
    I feel great. A lot more integrated. So now i'm trying to figure out how to access that side of me in a healthy way.
    I've been thinking of taking up boxing, kickboxing or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
    Something to release my aggression.

    What's weird about my shadow is i don't give a shit about anything, including myself.
    Now that I have developed more self esteem, I realize that I do want to care about myself.
    But now I don't give a shit what people think. It's strange.
    normally i care way too much.
    So i want to take the good parts of this shadow side and start incorporating them in my life.
  11. crink

    crink Member

    Wow, it's been a while. Didn't I say that last time? Haha, but I digress...
    I decided to end things with a long-term friend. A girl I liked back in the day but kept being friends with.
    The feelings never really went away.
    It's been hard. Coming to terms with being a simp. I guess all in love is fair. I must live with my choices.
    I know that being away from her is the best thing or me.
    I was sick of our push-pull friendship. She'd show up for me, I would press in, she would pull out.
    I'd lay off for a while, then she'd reach out.

    7 years of this nonsense.

    I called her out on this and she talked about how she has had lots of bad experiences with guy friends ruining her reputation.
    Something to that extent. At the end of the day, it felt like I was being treated like some hazardous material.
    Meanwhile, she dated dudes that didn't care about her or dumped her for bullshit reasons.

    I played therapist with her, hoping being a nice guy would help my case.
    She's very good at what she does. I feel powerless to her spell.
    Woman saying they have no power, and that men have all the power is a lie.

    I've come to this place many times. After I see that i've been a simp I want to turn my heart cold.
    Go full-on red pill but i can't seem to pull the trigger.

    The red pill says a lot of things I identify with but it also comes off as disrespectful.

    It makes me sad thinking about this.......
    But I've been hitting up the porn pretty regularly. It doesn't really help but I like it enough to keep doing it.

    In the meantime I'm working on me.
    I put out some music, cut out social media, started eating healthy, working out, taking school more serious, etc.
    this quarantine has been great for building habits.
  12. crink

    crink Member

    I'm doing better
  13. Ereignis

    Ereignis Active Member

    Sorry to hear about your long-term attempted relationship. I think your best hope for keeping your head clear from worrying about that kind of thing is just to try and meet new people.
    crink likes this.
  14. crink

    crink Member

    the past week i have felt very down. low self-esteem. feeling really sensitive to everything. fragile ego.
    today and yesterday i feel a bit more balanced.

    self-esteem is something i want to work on more. started a book about it today and am almost done!

    biggest thing that has helped is to stay with my feelings and feel them. accept them for what they are, doesn't mean i have to like them!
    and most importantly, don't try to escape from them as soon as i feel slightly uncomfortable.

    taking a break from social media has been wonderful. my brain feels a whole lot clearer.

    i have felt bad from swiping on tinder and not getting hardly any matches. starting to think tinder isn't really my thing.
    i want to re-wire with a real girl but i don't wanna do so via hookup.

    i'm just glad i've made it this far and wanna keep going.
    just gotta finish out school. i stopped doing my assignments a couple weeks ago and i feel bad about that.
    ugh. gonna switch my major again.

    i notice too that when i get knocked off my usual routine, i don't recover easily. the change is disorienting.

    nothing is going to change unless i do something different, so here's to me living differently.
    so far i've been doing that this year. adopting new healthy habits like tracking my calories/nutrition and lightly working out. let's keep it goin!
    Ereignis likes this.
  15. crink

    crink Member

    I reflected on some of the porn i've watched and have felt very ashamed.
    It's odd how that shame drives to want to look at this stuff. It always did. I fueled it cuz that's what I thought of myself.
    I held myself in such low regard.
    Still do, I notice.
    Perspective is so key. I see how I frame things in such a negative light.
    Being hard on myself, thinking i'm never good enough.

    I got to vent to a friend last night about all that i've done in my life. my regrets.
    that felt good. normally i am the one people vent to.

    I realized how I frame my life has been very negative. And that I could really make anything sound good if I wanted to.
    I might have some regrets but at the same time I know that if those hadn't happened I wouldn't have met certain people or had the same experiences.

    When I learn to accept that my life gets better.

    Been having more success on tinder. my friend is trying to set me up with this girl he knows. she seems aight.

    also got some man1 oil cuz i had major death grip. i've heard good things so i'm looking forward to that!
  16. crink

    crink Member

    Last night i woke up all revved up. my phone was there and let's just say i may have looked at some things...so 25 dayy goes back to 0 but I know this doesn't erase all my progress.
    This is tough but I know i'm gonna be better without porn.
    Last night I stayed up too late working on music and couldn't fall asleep.
    Haven't done that in a while but hey, gotta stay alert.
    I've decided to start charging my phone in a separate room to help with these middle of the night excursions.
  17. crink

    crink Member

    Let's say it's been a bad week. More like the past two weeks.
    The week before was 5 times.
    this week 2 times.

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