Leaving Limbo

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by crink, Nov 10, 2019.

  1. baywalker

    baywalker Active Member

    Feel it forward. You are not doomed to repeat mistakes, you aren't repeating mistakes, remember, you are already a better man. Therefore those aren't the same mistakes. You are calibrating.
     
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  2. crink

    crink Member

    Took a break from this site.
    Focusing on school. I did a fast, had some good interactions with girls, been getting more stuff done, etc.
    Started to not give an F as much about what people think of me.
    It's been good. These past 16 days have gone by fast.
     
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  3. baywalker

    baywalker Active Member

    Great to hear. These are all signs you are recovering. Keep it up!
     
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  4. crink

    crink Member

    Back again. This week has been another good one!

    I realize how frustrated I have been with women in my life but I haven't worked that hard to do much about it.
    I hate to jinx things, but I haven't really felt drawn to porn.
    I've said this in the past but I've had times where triggering things have popped up on social media and I don't think anything of it.
    What interests me is scoring with a women irl.

    It's felt like with porn I was doing this engrained habit over and over again where I was even watching the same videos year in and year out.
    Also, I feel like it didn't really reflect my taste in women.
    It was a perversion.

    I'm doing better in school, spending less time on my phone. Focusing more on the life that I want.
    Little by little. Making these changes and keeping track.
    Putting myself out there, trying to meet more cool people and girls.

    I have felt trapped for a while. I have grown up with a nice safety net and support system.
    These people are great, but I don't feel a connection with them anymore

    It's time to move on, so instead of talking about it. I'm trying to do it for real.

    It feels good!

    Getting out of my comfort zone and also being okay with not being good at something right away.
    Like with trying to score with girls.
    Gotta build confidence somehow.
     
  5. crink

    crink Member

    Lazy rn. Quarter is starting to weigh on me. I don't feel like doing anything but that's no excuse
    Gonna go to bed early :)
     
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  6. crink

    crink Member

    Wow. 30 days. I feel pretty accomplished! Been a while since i've gone this long. Haven't masturbated either.

    I had a reconciling convo with my sister.. it's but i am starting to heal and forgive her
    I've realized that I seem to not go after gils that are into me. Or are unavailable.
    The girls that seem o be into me, i'm not interested.
    Idk man.

    Been having a hard time winding down at night.
    I want to read this great book on dating I've started but i distract myself on social media too much :/

    really behind on sleep.
    i had a temptation to look up porn tonight.
    idk whether it's the release of having a difficult convo. all those feelings
    hard to say
    i feel like it happened and now I go "Now what?"

    Now what is so scary to me. i freeze, and ususally run to porn soon as i don' know how to answer that question.
     
  7. crink

    crink Member

    Coool. I am doing alright. Burnt out from this quarter and starting to not give a shit.
    I'm trying to find things out for me. Get a sense of my identity.
    I realize how I've been addicted to unrequited love and fantasy.
    Dreaming of girls at night but never approaching them.
    Keeping them up on a pedestal. It's dangerous!
    I guess that's why i like the porn, too. It's all fantasy, and I don't have to commit and know the real her.
    Anyways, I want to make the change.
    Uhh. Yeah, I have thoughts and temptations still but I am not really interested that much.
    The thoughts come up but it's pretty much, ehh.

    One thing I wanna do, is get in touch with my feelings more, and tend to them faster rather than trying to suppress or distract from them.
    Self-Care.
    Self-Love.
    All of the Above.
     
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  8. Chmp

    Chmp New Member

    Lots of things tht porn doesn't teach coz real women hv emotions whereas in porn u jst c the sex part nd besides none of wht hppns in porn normal women wd evr evn wnt to try. So for some of us who were addicted b4 havin real sex get stuck with a wrong way of wanting to b pleasured by a woman nd tht is wat messes u
     
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  9. crink

    crink Member

    Back with a big relapse. Too tired to go into detail. I've been binging a lot the past couple days. But I don't see it as a giant reset. Keep it moving.
     
  10. crink

    crink Member

    well yeah, i notice something that I get out of watching porn besides the getting turned on, seeing naked women, etc.
    It's that I feel a part of me is unleashed.
    My shadow side...
    A therapist pointed this out to me a couple years ago but now I really get it
    I like who i am while i'm watching porn
    I'm not an overly nice guy who bends over backwards. i am selfish, put myself first, am relentless, and get what i want
    Something that I wish i was like more of in real life.
    It's as if I have hidden away this side of me and only let him out to play when I watch porn.
    I feel great. A lot more integrated. So now i'm trying to figure out how to access that side of me in a healthy way.
    I've been thinking of taking up boxing, kickboxing or Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
    Something to release my aggression.

    What's weird about my shadow is i don't give a shit about anything, including myself.
    Now that I have developed more self esteem, I realize that I do want to care about myself.
    But now I don't give a shit what people think. It's strange.
    normally i care way too much.
    So i want to take the good parts of this shadow side and start incorporating them in my life.
     

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