Unfortunately I've relapsed yesterday. I've made a couple of strategic mistakes lately and in the end I gave in to the urges. I think that allowing myself, lately, to indulge in fantasy in my imagination was an important aspect in the urges and fantasies growing stronger. Instead of disconnecting from sexual fantasies when they presented themselves I often got carried away by them. The will to disconnect from them, to let them go, grew weaker. It was tough the last days to resist and I made another mistake by drinking a lot on a night out with friends. The next day I was hungover and in that unpleasant state it's harder to resist. That's what happened and I relapsed. I PMO'ed twice, chatted in a sexually compulsive way and browsed escort type of ads. I was close to acting out on the latter. Thankfully it didn't happen. I imagine there will be a strong chaser in the days to come. Fantasies are tricky because they come in subtle ways, I always feel they are innocent and even healthy in a way, part of healthy sexuality, part of me. But the problem is that they seem to be "middle circle" activities. They make me slip back towards the behaviors I am trying to eradicate by increasing the urges to act out those behaviors. Letting go of fantasy, though, is easier said then done. I am not exactly sure I want to do that, I cherish those sensations.