Learning to be myself

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Thelongwayhome27, Sep 24, 2017.

  1. Doper

    Doper Well-Known Member

    In regard to feeling "burnt out" and having "low resilience to stress", and feeling like it affects you more than it seems others are effected, a possible reason for that might be adrenal fatigue. Now, your average doctor will tell you this does not actually exist outside of full-blown Addison's disease, but they'll also tell you PIED doesn't exist either. I went to see a top HRT doctor and he told me my adrenals were toasted (a long time ago) and he put me on low-dose oral cortef, and it completely changed my life. All the symptoms gone. It was a true life miracle. I'll tell you just like the sky is blue that this is a wildly under-diagnosed problem.
    The issue is getting a doctor with a brain to prescribe you the drug....You only have to (and only should) take it for a while and then you don't have to take it anymore.

    But, naturally, you will also have to get rid of offending issues like chronic stress, shit food or sensitivities, drugs, bad sleep schedules or shiftwork, idiots that make you wanna freak etc. Or the problem will return at some point. Well, I got a decade without symptoms but for some reason it's back with a vengeance. Not sure why. I can't get the drug unless I want to get on a waiting list for like 10 months. They sell over-the-counter glandulars you can take, so I'm gonna try that. Adrenochrome anyone?... I don't have high hopes.....Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there as a possibility.

    You can take a 24-hour saliva test to see how your daytime cortisol cycle is looking. I think you can order them online. If you feel tired during the day then can't sleep at night, it's one sign you're messed up. If you look up symptoms I don't find the first things you find in a search engine are very comprehensive at all..
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Hmmm, I checked the symptoms and I don't have any of them so I doubt I have that. One thing (that I am lucky about) is I have pretty damn good sleep, consistently. Except when I'm in a hypomanic phase, which luckily I now tend to recognize when it's coming (experience).

    I think it's simply my amygdala that's overreactive. Simple good old anxiety which is natural in me, that is I was born like this - and that was reinforced in my younger years because I often used avoidance (or people pleasing) as a coping strategy before I even knew what the hell was going on - hence amplifying some of it. The only solution is to use current better knowledge, to further understand myself, know myself, and practice gradual exposure in my life to the things that I am afraid of and make me uncomfortable (getting comfortable with stress and pressure). Of course, next to this comes all the healthy living stuff : sleep, diet, exercise. Then some meditation, being social, etc. If I get all of this in check with consistency, and then gradually push myself out of my comfort zones I slowly get better at handling stress. Finally, there is something to say about acceptance, accepting I am an anxious person by nature and that I will ''misfire'' many'a'times. Comming to terms with this will help a ton in not beating myself up when stuff doesn't come out as I'd like it to.

    Apart from using sex a lot (like a fiend) and not really being able to curb this (despite some pretty damn sincere tries) - I'm pretty healthy overall, physically that is. That is though, as long as I stay away from the good ol' Weed and the hellish drinking binges. I add these 2 to the mix and I'm done for. Done for for good.

    Edit : Just wanted to add/make clear that your suggestion is very accurate and welcomed however. On further thought, you could very well be onto something though, because I do feel that my ''nervous system'' is more burnt out then what it used to be. I definitely feel like I get tired more easily, when I face stressful things. But this could also be a result of being more mindful and self aware then I used to be (I use to really ignore all my physiological signs when much younger and just plow through) - and it could also be a result of natural aging (less energy) - not to mention the complexification of ''adult life'' and it's demands (though a point could be made that teenage years are even more demanding in some ways). But yeah, although I can understand my anxieties better and deal with them in certain ways I also feel more burnt out. Perhaps the medication you suggest could indeed help. But I don't know I have this thing that I try, as much as I can, to let my body regulate itself naturally. Mostly by investing in the healthy living and staying away from excesses. It does seem to help quite a lot. I mean as soon as I have 2 or 3 good nights in a row, and eat well, exercise and so on, I feel pretty well and balanced, from a physical/physiological perspective at least. I guess I am a bit weary of taking meds, I always have been. I prefer to do my best to learn how to handle life naturally. Ain't always easy, that's for sure though. But meds seems like a short term strategy usually and that often comes with a bill to pay (not only financially speaking lol).
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2021
    Pete McVries likes this.
  3. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    How's your caffeine-free attempt treating you? I fell off the wagon with that (again) but am trying (yet again) to live without it. Just started so I may soon be welcomed by lovely headaches and increased GI discomfort, with an oppressive early-morning grogginess to great me in the mornings. But after that it is all about building/maintaining a life where I can function without it, which is definitely in the cards. It's up to me change what's necessary to make it stick.

    Take care
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I'm surprisingly still going with that, it's been 6 weeks now. I can say that, right now, I don't feel a difference from not having coffee in the morning. My body feels just as okay by having black tea in the morning. So, basically I'm still having caffeine to a certain degree (in the black tea) but I'm not having any coffee. The way it seems to work for me is I will have a headache, perhaps, for a day or two, but soon enough I can handle a day without coffee and after a week at most I feel okay without having it (but indeed replacing it with some tea in the morning). I can't say I have faced any strong withdrawals when I have quit it (this time or in the past). Probably also because I already had minimized it to one cup in the morning (I use to drink more back in the days).

    One hope I had was that by quitting coffee it would be easier to handle my sexual urges. But I still have been down that road since getting off the coffee. But who knows, it could still have helped to a certain degree, even with this. But overall I think it does help me be more stable, grounded, balanced. It doesn't give me that hypomanic jolt in the morning and then the crash later on in the afternoon. I seem to already get a bit of a jolt even without it. As a person who seems to experience high moods and low moods a bit more intense then the average it's probably not the worst idea to stay off the coffee...

    All this being said, I miss it, at times, in the morning. I have had temptations, especially in the last few days to have a cup of coffee instead of the tea. I think part of my rationalization was that, well if it didn't help me build the streak I was hoping for might as well enjoy a cup. Or some other rationalization as why should I give up this true simple pleasure in my life. I can handle it. Etc. So yeah, I may go back to it at some point, but for now I'll try to keep sticking with tea.

    One argument that helps me not have the coffee is the idea that it probably helps me get better sleep at night if I don't go for it. Probably my overall energy levels are more stable without it, including being relaxed in the evening. But yea, it's still a pleasure that I may go back to and learn to enjoy it, since I really like it. But for now, I'll try to see if I can push the experiment for the month of March.
    -Luke-, Shady and NewStart19 like this.
  5. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    Thanks for giving me such a detailed response. I think one interpretative error I made was assuming that your earlier post mentioning the elimination of coffee = the elimination of caffeine from your life.

    If there is a net benefit for you from the switch, keep at it I say. Removing coffee and switching to other types of caffeine did help me, but that was because it ameliorated the discomfort of my GI issues. Right now I'm on my third day of no caffeine; the headaches were short-lived and are now done with, the early-morning grogginess is still there but less pronounced, and my gut is going to continue to be upset with me for a little while. One new thing I am doing on this attempt is drinking caffeine-free tea whenever I feel an urge or encounter an excuse to "just have a cup/bottle/can."

    One thing I'd try to be more mindful of is the caffeine difference caused by your switch. I mean, you can switch from coffee to tea but ultimately be consuming the same amount of caffeine. If you don't have any physical problems with drinking coffee, your caffeine intake is essentially unaffected by the switch, and you enjoy the experience of drinking coffee, then maybe it's okay keeping it around? Not trying to play devil's advocate or add confusion to your life, but I think focusing on your overall caffeine consumption as opposed to what you're getting it from (coffee, tea, energy drinks) is a more useful variable to focus on and experiment with (this is again assuming you don't have any issues with your esophagus, stomach, or intestines; otherwise, removing coffee without any change in caffeine intake can still make a noticeable difference).

    Anyway, sorry to derail your topic. I hope you are steadily making net progress on your journey to the long way home.

    Take care
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  6. Shady

    Shady Well-Known Member

    @Thelongwayhome27 it's good that you didn't have any strong withdrawal symptoms. For me it was shivers and chills.

    I guess there's another element to take into consideration. It's not just the caffeine. You're used to sitting there with a cup in your hands and calmly drinking. So replacing it with a healthier drink is a good idea.

    But why do you think coffee and sexual urges are related?
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I had a general thought that one problem I have is I overanalyze things which paralyzes my capacity to take action. I over worry about things and thus postpone decision taking (and action) until I am forced to decide one way or another. Hey, I'm a pretty neurotic individual. One solution is to get in a mindset where I become less attached to whatever will happen and just practice taking action, even if it’s smaller actions, in feared directions. To not think as much and just kind of do things, without overanalyzing. When I manage to do this, from a positive mindset, things often come out well and I get a different kind of energy, or more of a flow state. Problem is that as soon as I get good or bad results I usually automatically start sliding down to my default overanalyzing and over worrying mindset. In other words if I practice detachment, even in smaller things, I soon enough fall back to the attached mindset. Another problem is also going too far with the ‘’not thinking and just doing strategy’’. Arguably, one could so something really dumb or stupid in such a state and then put himself in a difficult situation (consequences). It’s challenging to find the right level with this. But clearly being somewhat more detached with things where the consequences are not as bad as I fear (anxiety) is something to experiment with. I think in some spiritual philosophies they mention the concept of detachment. I think there could be a ''healthy detachment'' that can help in life, psychologically speaking.

    @NewStart19 - Indeed, thanks for pointing that out stopping coffee and stopping caffeine is not the same thing. I looked it up and generally speaking one standard cup of black coffee has about two times the caffeine amount that one standard cup of black tea has. I actually thought the difference was greater, I was imagining something like 1 cup of coffee being equivalent to 4 cups of black tea. This being said I still feel a clear difference to having a cup of black tea in the morning in comparison to a cup of coffee. I feel much more jolted or hyper after the latter. Since I have switched to tea, I'm also not having more caffeineited tea except the morning cup. If I have some tea in the afternoon it's tea without caffeine. If I want to go further down the path of less caffeine I can also start having green tea in the morning instead of black tea, since green tea has less caffeine. All this being said, I think I can handle coffee, as I have for years. But I think I'm going to keep going with this little experiement for some time. I do think it's helping my overall mood be more stable and, as a result, my general anxiety (including social anxiety) being more manageable. It would be cool if it would be just as easy to stop watching P lol. By the way, I have in the past gone full no caffeine for a time as well (i.e. going with only no caffeine tea for some time). I think it was more or less similar to how I feel now.

    Hopefully so. Thanks ! Just as you are as well.

    Yeah, the habit itself is definitely very pleasant ... I do miss the coffee though right now, the taste of it. But tea is all right as well.

    I think that, for me, it contributes to me having a more stable mood and less anxiety. As a result I can better handle the cravings. Or the urges are not as intense. This being said I have had strong sexual urges anyways since I stopped the coffee. But I think that coffee and that hyper mood I can get from it brings me to a place where I am more impulsive. So that was the theory... My conclusion is that it does help to a certain degree with the urges, but it's not a full proof method either. Also, it probably has a bit of an effect on general sleep quality and that probably helps as well.
    Shady and NewStart19 like this.
  8. NewStart19

    NewStart19 Well-Known Member


    Thanks for clarifying. So your efforts are essentially that of caffeine reduction, but you decided to do that by switching caffeinated substances as opposed to just reducing the overall volume of coffee you drink. Best of luck! You'll probably last longer than I do, even though I have more of a reason to quit.

    Non-attachment or non-identification is something that can definitely be used in a healthy way. True, we have avatars of self in society so that we can effectively and reasonably navigate and participate in them (and build and improve them; if we were all in a continual state of selflessness, I don't think there would be much in the way of progress or development). But being able to tap into a capacity of non-attachment with some frequency in our day-to-day lives, such as when overwhelmed by difficult emotions, trying to make important decisions, interacting with and socializing with others, etc., can definitely lead to many benefits.

    If we are talking straight meditation, then there could be some concerns (if for example you are at risk for developing a dissociative disorder, or if you're schizophrenic). But, if I am not mistaken, you've been doing the practice for a while, haven't you? If you haven't had any problems with it yet, I think you are fine with further exploration during your formal sessions. You're probably fine with a retreat too, but that is something you would have to look into before pursuing (plus they may be off limits during the pandemic; I've never sat one myself).

    But yea, I think developing this capacity can help make one more resilient against unhelpful or dysfunctional thoughts and emotions (and physical pain as well). And you don't have to leave the feeling of self at the wayside. It's useful, and is part of the container of consciousness, but it isn't the container itself.

    Take care
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  9. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Oh my God I RELAPSED !!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: NOOOOO...... I'm back on Cofee MoFo's :cool::cool:

    I will have to join COFEEHOLICS ANONYMOUS ! ;)
    Shady and Gil79 like this.
  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Lol haha, at least you admit you have a problem. I am still in denial :D

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