Things are a little better. I'm 9 days sober, which is great. I'm hoping I can stay sober for much longer, but I am taking it one day at a time. I'm trying to stay humble and remember how important it is to not relapse. I try to remember how low I feel afterwards. How much it amplifies my already present feelings of depression. How it sends me into despair. Into complete helplessness. How it probably further messes up my reward circuit instead of allowing it to heal... I realize I am a big procrastinator. Maybe this is also linked to those reward circuits. I am also kind of lazy. I try to avoid discomfort as much as I can... All this being said, I try to be self compassionate and not to insult myself. I don't think that helps in any kind of way. I try instead to stay calm and accept the current situation, including my shortcomings. I think this is the way to slowly build in the right direction... While I can see my faults with some objectivity, to also not demean myself. Overall, this has been an okay week. Glad that I kept it clean, which I was not able to accomplish last week (acted out Tuesday and Wednesday). @dark red drifter vessel - You nailed it man. That's where I am paralyzing. It's part fear (unable to cope with emotions), part laziness, part inertia... Inertia breeds inertia ... But yeah, there is also a big fear there. Probably because of past uncomfortable experiences. A lack of self-efficacy. To stay sober is a good step in improving things here I think. And then slowly working with those difficult emotions and that inertia. Slow progress is good... it's the real one I think.