I feel very disappointed and disgusted about the relapse (especially since it was a bad relapse) but it would be best if I manage to get back to clean days as fast as possible. What happened happened and I cannot change it anymore. Surely there are explanations for why I relapsed but I'm not sure there is a point to go too far into analysis (it seems to depress me more and even trigger me to act out more). I need to accept it and forgive myself (once again). I have made one change by deleting a messenger app which surely contributed to the fantasies/cravings that had built up. I'm glad that I stayed clean for the most part today, despite another acting out in the morning (prior to my previous post). If I manage to stay clean tomorrow, that would be a little win to build on.