Good to read something here again. Have you ever tried a day-by-day-approach? If I understand you correctly you are kind of expecting a relapse in the future and you know that this would be detrimental and painful to you. I often find myself thinking about my past and regretting what I have done to myself. And that prevents me from enyoing the present moment. It seems that you have a similar problem but you dwell on the future (or what that future could be) instead of the past. Maybe it would be a good idea (at least in regards to this addiction) not to look further than the end of the current day. You do your best on the current day and that's it. Tomorrow will be a new current day.