Learning about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Outsider., Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Had good sex with wife yesterday evening. No PE problem thankfully. Life at home, with both wife and kids is far better since I get less angry. It’s like night and day. Breathing really makes a difference it’s incredible. It’s only 15’ in the morning for now but it’s really worth it.
    I started over intermittent fasting, as I stopped since a few months.
    It’s amazing how a lot of us finally developed a complete arsenal and great tools to improve ours lives! Reading, meditating, doing little things around the house, working out, cold showers, deep breathing, journaling, developing self care and self confidence etc etc etc. In every bad thing there is some good. Being addicted to PMO finally kind of forced us to get out of our comfort zone and try new things. Let’s continue this great journey!
    Much love.
     
    nuclpow, forlorn, Gil79 and 2 others like this.
  2. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    It's a great point, one that is hard to focus on at times. Failures and mistakes are how we learn. PMO brought us to journaling, meditation, etc. In a clear head I can see that. I have gratitude for it. The danger is getting caught up in reliving what brought us here. Trapping ourselves in past failures and getting triggered. For me, I think this is how I motivated myself through much of life. I saw failures as something to be ashamed of and ran from those emotions. This is my pattern and I must be aware of it. I must be mindful that it can still happen.
     
  3. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Still doing well regarding anger and frustration. Daily breathing/meditation helps me a lot. I have sex once a week, Saturday night, with wife when she doesn’t have her period so it’s good like this. Of course I’d like more but I’m ok with that. Sex is like eating, the more you have the more you want haha. This sex “once a week” routine is ok, as time is going very fast. Months are like weeks and weeks are like days :eek:
    At work Narcisse told me that she’ll resign on December and move to south of France. She finally decided to follow her husband, and was bored to live here like a single woman waiting for him to come back to Paris once in a while. It’s very good news for me finally, but there can be another Narcisse everywhere if I’m not cautious. I’ll try to do my best to avoid being too close with any women. In the worst case I’ll stay alone at work and do my job that’s all. I sometimes have lunch with different colleagues when I don’t workout at noon but it’s so boring. I’ve never liked that in my entire life. Since my very first job I used to eat alone. I’m an outsider, I am and feel different from other men but I’m ok with that. Sometimes I think I should be more “social” etc but not at all price. Staying, having fun and laughing with men I like and appreciate is totally ok, but certainly not with random colleagues I meet at noon at the canteen. I’m totally ok with being “alone” rather than with people I don’t like/care about.
     
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  4. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    I hear you about "another Narcisse...if I'm not cautious." I think I have been less social and isolating myself in order to make certain I don't find myself in that position. At a party last night, I wasn't physically attracted to anyone. Yet, making a few of the women laugh was super rewarding. I think I have always enjoyed the chase. Like I am one of those people in love with falling in love versus actually being there and doing the work. I wonder if I should go and read more of @Saville's journal to see how he handles himself in those cases of infatuation. We're all individuals, and what works for him might not work for us, but it could give us ideas and inspire us.
     
  5. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I also eat on my own a lot. Once or twice a week I have lunch with colleagues. Sometimes it is a lot of fun, sometimes it is really boring. But always it makes me feel good about myself and get out if my head a bit. I think I will follow your example and go to the gym during lunch time at least once a week. This Monday would be a good start. Keep it up @Outsider. !
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  6. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Being alone is the bomb. Alone time is when we really find out about ourselves.

    Before when I was cheating, PMO'ing, and drinking a lot I felt utterly alone. I would lie next to my wife and feel a cavern of loneliness. Now that's all gone. :)
     
  7. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    I feel good and healthy. Wim Hof Method is just incredible. Simple breathing and cold exposure make me feel so good. I’m far less angry and I do feel that my body (and mind) are getting stronger.
    I go to work without coat even when it’s 5 degrees Celsius (two weeks ago for example, and I stayed all day long outside without getting cold, while I was only wearing a short sleeved polo shirt). I see people in the street with big coats and scarves, shivering, it’s really funny, they look at me “WTF he only wears T-shirt!!!!” :p:D:p
    Regarding PMO most of the time it’s as if it doesn’t exist, but sometimes I feel a rush inside me which pushes me to watch. But I think about something else and that’s ok finally.
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member


    I love this! :D
     
  9. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    It's really awesome how your latest posts have changed from those a couple of months ago. You seem to have taken some really positive steps in your life. Keep it up!
     
  10. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I read the first page and the last two pages of your journal. Thanks for sharing. I just wanted to say that reading your journal is helping me.

    I notice you may have gone on a similar path to me: Starting out just trying to refrain from porn, but later focusing on self-improvement. You've gotten a lot more open and honest in later entries. Maybe the slot filled by porn in our lives is perfectly filled by the self-improvement we're really supposed to be doing. Maybe we, here, mostly need to be better people, period.
     
  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks for posting here @nuclpow . Effectively I did my best to stop PMO and had some long streaks but I wasn’t improving my life.
    You’re right too. Before I was in a mindset of “determination! Motivation! I’ll succeed by any mean etc” but it was to motivate me I guess, I think I struggle to, and didn’t want to explain my feelings, and I didn’t dig deep into myself. Nowadays things have changed, I’ll do my best to continue that way, even if I don’t post much regularly.
    Thank you @Living Your post a few weeks ago awaken me! It was a kick in my ass but you were so right: long streaks are welcome of course, but if anger, bitterness and frustration are still here I’m finally not happy. You really made me realize that :) . As soon as I focused on myself on how to evacuate/manage those emotions, things got immediately better. Adding the daily breathing and cold exposure made it even much better, I’m so thankful for that.

    Another thing which has changed: I dream almost everyday. Most of my life I almost never dreamt. Then I started to do so in the beginning of my reboot. Then it stopped. And dreams are back again, I take that for a good sign, my brain is becoming more active again :)

    Thank you all for your support and wise advice, and sharing your experience. I couldn’t have changed the way I did without you.
    Much love.
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2019
  12. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    60 days clean. I feel good ;)
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It just gets better and better! :)
     
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  14. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    It feels good to see you feeling good.
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  15. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)


    :):D:)
     
  16. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

  17. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Except that I MO’ed the last few days, fantasizing on real girls, not P actress or to pixels, things are going well. I had a good streak with no MO at all but since I started to do some exercises they advise in “the secret of sexual ecstasy” it’s like my penis is more awake (especially woods when I wake up during the night) and I’m getting very excited, weird. It was already the case when I started over kegel exercises etc. So I’m wondering if it’s finally a good thing to do that... When I don’t do any of that, my libido is very low, and my dick is like dead, and works well when needed with my wife so I think I’ll give up kegel and exercices which help to perform ejaculation control. I don’t have sex 4 times a day so even without semen retention I don’t waste energy by cumming I think.
    I continue Wim How Method, cold showers and breathing. Results and feelings are just amazing.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  18. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    While I’m close to get the 90 days milestone urges are incredible ... I watched P two days ago, yesterday and today ... I edged but forced me to stop just before to O. Dunno what’s happening. I got very disappointed since my wife got her period this Friday which means no sex this weekend and the next one. She had them 7 days before the scheduled ones, so an only 19 days cycle, weird. I was expecting to have sex so much that maybe my mind compensated with that S#%#!
    I stop now, too much progress and improvement to give in to P sirens.
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2019
  19. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    What do you have to do that makes you feel like you did something constructive that's not P or sex? Having things like that are a big part of how I kept clean for a little while.
     
  20. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks for stopping by my journal. Sorry but I don’t understand your question.

    I came back from work tonight, took a long cold shower, with breathing and breath hold under cold water. I feel far better now. Good night
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019

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