Learning about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Outsider., Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Of course it's very, very good :):cool::p
    Wife and kids went again to my mother in law's house, at 4:30 PM. So when they left I had a 1 hour nap. Then I read some updates here in YBR. Then I went out doing quick grocery shopping for my evening's meal, and went to sport shop to buy some stuff for my workouts. Then went to the gym until 9:30 PM. Back home. Cold shower. I cooked my favorite meal and ate it while watching à very good Clint Eastwood movie :cool:
    So no PMO, no MO, and cold showers for 7 days in a row, almost two of them being alone at home. Looks like I make progress,:D I feel good.
    Strength to all!!!
     
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  2. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Alone at home this morning as I was waiting for a worker to change stuff in my flat. I woke up at 7:40 AM and he only arrived at 12:30... Five more hours alone, but I didn't even think to PMO :)
    Then once finished I went to my mother in law's house and took my 4 kids and their cousin to the movie, it was very good to watch Dumbo with my little princesses. Simple but great family time :)
    Then I came back home alone. No intention to fail.
    I took my 8th cold shower in a row. I follow the Wim Hof method: 30" cold at the end of the shower the first week. As I started today the 2nd week: 30" cold in the beginning, then barely warm the time to clean myself, then 30" cold at the end. Waaaaw I was like a cold chicken before to enter the cold shower :D but as I started by the feet, then legs etc till the head, it was finally very good. I didn't know I'd manage it but I started my very first cold shower, starting with cold. I'm in my sofa shirtless :cool: I feel so good after this, I'll stick to that very beneficial habit for the next weeks!!
     
  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Cold showers are great! I don't do them every day, but I do them about 4 times a week. It really does make a person feel more vital.
     
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  4. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    19 days without PMO and MO. Only one O with my wife around 10 days ago
    I increase the length of my cold showers every week, I really like this little daily challenge.
    I do know I must and will be very careful, but, since my last relapse 20 days ago, it’s simply as if P no longer exists. It was the same during my last years longs streaks. I simply live, normally, without thinking about P. But it must be an ACTIVE reboot, abstinence is nice but not enough.

    I’ve been fasting (Ramadan) for 9 days, I feel good. It completely breaks the daily routine, which is a very good thing as well.

    At work, I didn’t have physical contact with Narcisse since I came back from vacation. Then I avoid her since the beginning of Ramadan, and she noticed it: “You no longer want to see me since it’s the Ramadan it’s nonsense!”
    So I just came and see her at her desk, but no kiss, no hug. I’m very happy that I’m no longer thinking about her etc. Of course she still has this beautiful round ass, but, finally, it’s the only good this she has. I mustn’t forget that.
    @Saville I’ve followed your advices, it’s better not to touch her at all anymore. I used to touch her booty sometimes, but this will only lead to problems so abstaining is better.
    I don't have a lot of time to write more here, I'll do my best to be more regular anyway.
     
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  5. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Tiny milestone: 20 days without PMO, without MO, I feel really good.
    I took my first complete, from the beginning to the end, cold shower after my noon workout, and did it again tonite once at home :D
    Strength to all!!!
     
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  6. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Way to go sir!
     
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  7. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    It sounds like you're focusing on creating a better, healthier life for yourself and not abstaining from PMO. This sounds like a solid method! You're doing great!
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  8. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thank you for your kind words guys, highly appreciated as usually !
    Still becoming more and more distant with Narcisse at work. I didn't see her today, only chatted very quickly with her this morning. Then I worked out alone at noon, and have been busy with meetings in the afternoon. Said goodbye by chat and went back home.
    Took 2 complete cold showers today, one at work after working out and one at home, I start to enjoy it haha :p
    You'll think I'm mad but at the end of the shower I let the cold water on my penis and balls, wanting symbolically to remove cravings and bad vibrations from them :D
     
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  9. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    28th day of cold showers, without PMO, without MO.
    I feel a little bit tired, after 18 days of Ramadan's fasting, but that's totally normal. I feel better and better, it's so good to simply don't think about P.
    Ramadan's fasting helps a lot in the reboot process. With an empty stomach (in France, we fast from 4AM to 9:30PM: no food, no drink, and no ... sex during the day )
    I feel more spiritual, I go to the mosque to pray at night after eating. My heart was like a super dry sponge, but it comes back to life. I feel more emotions, am more sensitive to a lot of things.
    I took some days off to bring my daughters to the pony club, they loved it. Simple but real pleasure to see them have fun.
    At work, as Narcisse knows I fast, same, she doesn't ask me why I don't hug or kiss her, so it's been around a month since I last touched her body. It's a good excsue, and after Ramadan ends up I'll simply continue like this, it's very good like this. We see us once in a while (I still workout with her at noonbut I manage it well, I can't say her: stay at the office lol).

    At home, I didn't had sex with my wife since the beginning of Ramadan, so around 19 days... So it was very good for semen retention. as she had a long blood period. Last week end, as her blood was over, I approached her to make love but she was "really tired" ... She promised me to make love this week-end. Ok, Nights are very short (we sleep from midnight to 3:30AM, and then from 4:30AM to 7h15 AM), so I didn't insist. 2 days ago I took my wednesday off. When I came back from the mosque tuesday evening, I took my (cold) shower, and went to bed. I started to hug her and ... she was naked under her bed sheet, ready to make love. Waaaw. It's the first time in almost 20 years of marriage she took the initiative to make love. It was very, very good, and even with a +15 days without O, I didn't cum to quickly (which occurred when I didn't (PM)O for a while), it was just perfect. I really felt her body, etc. I don't want to trigger anyone, but it's just to say you that being clean, even for a short amount of time (less than a month) makes a HUGE difference in a lot of things, it's just incredible.

    Regarding cold showers, I almost don't remember what a "normal" hot shower looks like lol. It's truly uncomfortable. but but so good to tell myself that I did it for almost 30 days now.
    As unconsciously, or consciously, I don't really know, link cold showers to my reboot (28 days clean, 28 days of cold showers). As @Saville like to write here, what wire together, fire together.
    More later, no time for now !
    Strength to all!
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2019
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is what happens when we ditch the P and ditch the bitch at work. lol

    I felt the same way when I stopped drinking booze and eating sugar. I began to feel things much more acutely.

    You're on track, Outsider! :)
     
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  11. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    WOW! You are sure moving along! Keep it up more positive things coming! Before you know it wife will attack you as you come in door !:eek: I think you will find as you practice semen retention energy goes off the charts!
     
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  12. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    41 days without PMO, without MO. 41 days in a row of cold showers as well. Still the same (very good) feeling, I mean, it's as if P doesn't exist anymore.
    Ramadan fasting is over, I'm sad it's already finished because it's a very special month. I was in a very special, and good state of mind. Fasting is a protection. You focus more on what's important, don't waste time for useless things. I went every night to the mosque to pray for around 1h, the atmosphere was soooo peacefully and relaxing.
    Fasting in such conditions (around 17h per day) is excellent for self discipline as well, so for self love and self esteem. One manage the sleep, the cravings for food/water/sex. The more one fasts, the more those appetites decrease, the more powerful one becomes. Untill it becomes a habit. Unfortunately Ramadan is over but it's a blessed lessons teacher. Well, this month is gone so I will continue that way.

    At work, as I was fasting untill this Monday I didn't see Narcisse a lot because she knows that it's a special month. Today I saw at her desk but didn't kiss or hug her, and she didn't ask me why I didn't, which is a very good improvement for my distance taking strategy.

    At home, I didn't have sex till now, last time was 15 days ago. There are still huge problems with my wife's behavior and mental diseases which I don't wanna detail here for now.... She just started her blodd period à few days ago, so no sex scheduled in the next 8/9 days. As already writen here, I take that as an occasion for semen retention and energy gathering. Honestly I don't feel this energy yet but it's due to the fasting tireness I think, which is totally normal. Let's see in the next few days and weeks.

    I'll start over reading my books on subconscient (re)programmation, I think it's THE key to feel better and heal physical, mental and spiritual diseases.

    I'll have more time to post more frequently nowadays, and read more your journals as well.
    Strength to all.
     
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2019
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  13. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    I feel the same way at the moment. But I also realize that last year we were feeling like that too around this time of the year (when we were still young and in our thirties:D). Later we both fell back to porn use. How can we do things differently this time?
     
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  14. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Wise question Mr G !
    I have 3 things in mind which are my PMO root cause:
    1. Being alone at home used to be my main trigger.
    Solution: So if this occurs again i'll go the the gym, eat outside and come back late home, have a shower and sleep. Repeat every day as long as I'm alone at home. If it's not long enough during the day, I'll go a park or the local library and read good books
    2. Flatline. While abstaining from PMO and MO, Flatline is very frequent (during the last month I almost never get an erection. I had one (huge) MW last week and that's almost all.The last time I relapsed it was after, I think, flatline: I wanted to "check" if I still can have a good erection. I did have one and we all know where it leads. Same for last year relapse. It came from nowhere ! I started to touch my penis to "see" what level of erection I could reach.....
    The last few days, after going to the toilets to pee, I started to get a very, very little beginning of erection. I decided to put my pants back and go out of the toilets, then go back to work and think about something else. This worked until now, I'll do my best to continue that way.
    Solution: being convinced that even if my penis seems to be dead 99% of the time, I do know that it works well and I won't check it's statuts.
    3. Hotties outside. With summer time all the girls here make their best to be the most beautiful, the sexiest. Seeing dozens of gorgeous women during my daily commutes
    triggers me in the long term. The first day and week it's ok I don't care, but being exposed to all that nudity in the streets, the metro etc and getting back home and see my overweighted and depressed wife in XXL pajama is very tough.
    Solution: doing my best not to look at them. It's the toughest thing to fix: being attracted by all kind of beautiful babes and struggling at home to get normal sex... So I focus on semen retention and tell me that the more I save my sperm the stronger and more energized I become. And tell me that things will get better with my wife as long as I stay away from PMO and MO. I try... At least I try.
    ...
    So mix those 3 triggers and you get the perfect PMO leading recipe ! (For me at least).


    My wife is still at the beginning of her monthly blood.... Even if we didn't have sex for 16+ days (during Ramadan time is very very limited for that), so I at least tell and remind her that I wanna have sex and that it's difficult to be patient for more than 2 weeks. She answered me "think about all those single men, they don't have sex!". WTF!!! I replied I'm MARRIED what the hell are you talking about single men situation to me !??!! She really doesn't realize and care about my needs. Little cunt, looks like it's a kind of game for her. This situation makes me want, to be honest, to cheat on her without the shadow of a doubt/regret but I must remember that it won't solve anything. I stay with her because I don't want to be separated from my kids, otherwise I'd have left the house a long time ago.

    At work, Narcisse called me and asked me to come at her desk several times during the day to fix things, work stuff. She was wearing a beautiful dress, closed at the neck level, but with à big hole just below so that we can see almost all her tits. Bitch. She only wants to feel attractive. I didn't touch her, and didn't say anything nice to her, as I used to do for the last months. I dunno what the hell she is looking for. @Saville is totally right, she's trouble !

    Tonight after I finished my work day and got out of the metro I felt kinda bad, weird and sad, seeing all that beautiful girls all around. I must be very, very careful.
    But, one good thing is that I have a good eye contact, with both men and women.
    I'm learning about myself more and more. I'm happy to live this wonderful journey.
    Improvement still in progress anyway!
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2019
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  15. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    My wife went to her mother's house this afternoon with kids. So after the work I went to the gym for a long session, then ate outside, came back home and took a good shower. I'm watching a Jet Li kung-fu movie, then I'll go to bed, peacefully.
    Simplicity.
     
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  16. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    I was about to go to bed yesterday after the movie.... When it ended I saw an erotic scene on another channel.... Got hooked a'd I finally PMO'ed.... Then binged today while waiting for the kids to come back.... I was writing just before the main cause of the relapses for me.... Being alone at home..... I have to work hard on that.
    I'm disapointed of course but I'm ok, I still learn about myself ;)
    Back on the horse right now.
     
    MissingSelfCompassion likes this.
  17. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Sorry to hear man. What could you have done differently? No stay home alone? Read a book instead of movie? Go to bed esrly? Where was the point of no return? Anyway, good you posted and keep going!
     
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  18. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    No worries I'm already feeling better, thank you @Gilgamesh !
    It's stupide but yes, I shouldn't have watched TV: when I was alone before my first reflex was, after 11PM, to look at the free "soft P" available. As 99.99% of my PMO sessions occurs on my Phone, seeing P (even soft) on a "big" HD 55'' TV screen was amazing. As neurons that wire together faire together (thanks @Saville ), looks like those pathways are still quite strong.
    Good to know for the next time I'll be alone at home.
    I verbaly fought with my wife last Saturday for not being available for sex (she still has her loooong blood period). I told ans repeated her I need more sex and that this situation is 'not acceptable for me. Once à week, but only in the week-end, with her long (10-12 days) equals sec 2 times, maybe 3, per month.... In the few last weeks I wrote here that I saw the good side of this, i.e. semen retention, but I have my limits, and, moreover, I PMO'ed after this long wait so I can't continue like this. Once I'll manage better my abstinence from both PMO and MO I'll be more easily able to focus on semen retention. So I slept very badly during this night. The say after she told me that with Ramadan she was very tired so that's the reason why we didn't have sex, but it's only because of that, nothing else. She as well told me she'll remove her IUD, which makes her blood period very long compared to before. So I hope it'll make her period shorter, let's see.
     
  19. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    There's a trigger there for me, the being alone. My story is one where my dad had magazines under his bed. No one home? Go in there, PMO and get out before anyone comes home. It seems like my neurons have wired secrecy into my pleasure center. The moment I am alone, I have urges to engage. Sometimes my brain is doing the math, it takes her 8 minutes to drive to the store, 10 to grab the 2 things, maybe 5 to check out, and 8 minutes back. Is that enough time?

    Realizing this, I did spend some time working on alternative plans to not be alone. Oh, you're going to the store? I'll walk the dog. However, I'm still avoiding the issue. Eventually, I have to face it. Again, I think it is finding balance. Sometimes, I will have the strength to be here alone and not PMO. Sometimes, I may want to get out of the home to avoid temptation. I am not a pillar, I'm a human.

    The phone is tricky @Outsider. I have mine with me all the time. I'm not sure how I would stop myself from PMO if that's what I used. Good luck. The desktop is my problem. So sitting down to work or record can sometimes trigger the habit. For a long time, I was using a laptop for work and going to a cafe to make sure I didn't relapse. I have no idea what I would do if the phone was the issue. Goodness. I might buy myself a flip phone or something. Take care of yourself.
     
  20. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Yes, P is accessible 24/7 as we always have our smartphone with us.... I do my best, I dont have explanation. Thanks for posting here @MissingSelfCompassion
    I looked at P pics and then gifs yesterday evening while I was alone in the living room. Kids and wife were in their beds....
    How silly it is: I tried to convinced myself that as long as it's not P videos it's ok....
    I edged but didn't O, then went to my bed. I started to kiss my wife and touch her ass, a'd she finally stopped me saying that we'll make love by Friday or Saturday evening, but not tonite (only week-end, not week day....).
    I was frustrated a'd excited as I watched P, so I MO'ed very slightly in my bed so that she didn't even noticed (she was watching à movie and have a big headset). So P and then MO equal PMO I mustn't lie to myself.
    Then in the morning I woke up before her, so I went to the toilets to PMO.... Then PMO as well 3 times at work....
    Dunno what's happening. I didn't apply to myself the advices I wrote here last week. My wife won't sleep at home tonite....
    I don't feel good.... No shame but I'm disapointed to have broken such à very good streak. I've eaten very badly, junk food and a lot of dessert those last days.... Vicious circle, I must react quickly and efficiently.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2019
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