Learning about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Outsider., Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Very busy day at work, which is a very good thing, no idle time, so no time for fantasy!
    When I arrived at work this morning I just say hello to "Narcisse" (Lol, this nickname is because of you @Saville ) via our professional chat, she answered, then we had a very short and casual conversation. No more.
    Then I had a meeting, and she was here, but it was Ok.
    We worked out together, with other guys, at noon, as we use to, but I was released, seeing her as another person, as an ordinary lambda girl. Didn't fantasize while watching her ass during the workout (I was quite distant, not watching at her for once, focusing on my workout, it's as if she wasn't here. She went close to me to to core exercices, kind of pushed me with her ass, to "play", but I didn't react.
    Then during coffee time, while we usually kiss and hug, searching to be alone together, she asked me to get a coffee, I accepted, but called my colleague, so no intimacy haha :)
    In the afternoon, as I want a smooth and "natural" transition to get rid of her, I've sent her a casual quick chat, she answered, and then I continued my work. It's as if she feels I'm no longer attracted to her. I think and guess she'll soon react to that (getting distant or closer, let's see!), but I'm sure I'll manage it well. Sent a quick goodbye chat and that's all for today.
    I'm no longer obsessed to her, thinking about her all day long, and begging for tenderness and pitiful dregs.
    I'm very happy how things changed since your wise advises @Saville and @Bobo it's life changing! Thank you so much again!
    I MO'ed this week-end, but it was during the Mantak Chia exercices, which I'll no longer do, too much triggers, I'm not ready yet (trying to stop to M just before to O etc). I'll just continue my Kegel exercices, no more.
    I'm PMO free since 1 week now, good to be back on the horse!
     
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  2. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Yup you the man ! You're really coming along! Good job !
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You're doing the necessary work, brother. :)
     
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  4. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thank you guys, your posts had been eye-opening for me! :)
    Today I managed it well with Narcisse. I'll separate from her little by little, smoothly.
    That's exactly what I tell myself as well :D
    Still very busy day at work as one of my two direct colleagues resigned, we're only two now to get things done. Even if it can be tiring, I love to work hard all day long: you only focus on doing the job, solving problem, finding new ideas, so no time at all for random web browsing, and what this leads to. b
    Busy with the kids in the morning, working out at noon, and learning and reading at home.
    It's good to find a good balance between work, family, health, and spiritual life.
     
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  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Absolutely. The word that came to my mind was poison. A trap is baited with something desirable.
    You're right @outsider to walk....no run away :eek:
     
  6. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks @Boxer17 i need to remember that because the girl is really very sexy, but she's only finally claws hidden by nail polish, a no future attractive mirage. I must stay strong and do my best not to succumb to her temptation (even if there is no sex but it's devastating anyway for me). I want to control my mind and thoughts, I don't want to think with my penis anymore.
    I'll be on holidays this Friday, for one week, so will she, so I won't see her every day at work, which is a very good news.
    Regarding P, I didn't watch since my last PMO session 10 days ago. No MO since 4 days. I've been PMO and MO free for several months last year so I can manage to be clean again. I will preserve my semen, which is literally a huge amount of energy. I do need to keep that energy inside me, and not to waste it in the toilets or on the ground.
    The most precious asset in Earth, for me, is ME! I don't wanna corrupt myself anymore. I've turned 40: wisdom and perseverance should and will be my leitmotiv. I do have my faults, but I also have good qualities I must not forget that.
    Strength to all!
     
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  7. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    Reading this last page has been helpful to me, thanks. I have been with women who are outwardly brash and flirtatious and in the moment it was fun. Or so I thought with my penis. Hey, this is also how women behave in P. Go figure, I'm drawn to that. However, I have been with these real women and they're fucked up and insecure like me. This motivates the flirty. That desire for that outside validation. It's certainly the motivation for my own flirtations. There's more here to unpack for me, but maybe I'll do that in my own journal. Seriously, this has me thinking. Thanks.

    EDIT: Also, thanks for the reminder that I've been clean for a number of months before as well. I can do this. I keep looking back at that period as a failure because I'm struggling again, but damn it, I can do it again. There's proof.
     
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  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I love this!

    This is also the bomb!
     
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  9. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    I've been on vacation since saturday.
    Spent a good time with kids and wife going to the parks, BBQ, playing etc I really appreciated it. Then as my wife's grandfather passed away, my wife and kids slept with my wife's little sister' house (as she's alone and wasn't feeling good at all)
    So I was alone at home Tuesday and yesterday, all day long. Yesterday I didn't digest my breakfast, then felt very very bad, vomit, got soreness, kidneys pain, and fever. I could even barely move. The problem is that, being alone at home used to be my main trigger... I PMO'ed two days in a row. I feel the energy going away and I do know that I feel tired and empty after PMO'ing but it still continued... This morning I'm still alone at home, but I won't continue to mess me up.
    I had good sex with my wife last Saturday, she O'ed three times lol (one during cunnilingus and two while making love).
    I'm very interested in semen retention but I have to go step by step: first completely stop PMO again. Then get the longest MO abstinence streak possible. I second @Saville : as I don't have sex often (once during the week end, and my wife have a 10 to 12 days (!!!!) blood period... So per month it's only around 3 times :eek:..... @Bobo I'll read more stuff regarding the techniques to prevent ejaculation but the problem is that I need training, and from what I saw in the Multi orgasmic man' book, you can train yourself via MO, and stop just before to cum etc. For me it's been a mess every time I've tried: i always end up with cumin, so losing energy.
    Let's see when I'll get full control over PMO.
    Everything in its own time.
     
  10. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    The 'home alone' thing is big for me too. I mean when you grow up in a conservative society that sees M as evil, you tend not to want witnesses. I think I recently wrote in my own journal that my mind wandered as soon as the spouse took the dog out for a walk around the block before bed. That would not have been enough time for a PMO, probably. Yet, it did trigger me. I've also used when I was sick and knew it would make me feel worse. We're human, we screw up, just like everyone else.

    I like that you're setting aside this goal of energy retention to just focus on getting back on track.

    You got this! I believe in you!
     
  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thank you for your kind words @MissingSelfCompassion !
    Wife and kids came back home on Friday which is very good for me and my triggers. As I'm not at my best regarding PMO it's better to avoid to be alone at home. So now it's really easier to stay clean. This doesn't face the root problem, I do know, but it helps a lot.
    I've just started to read the Psycho Cybernetics, I'm sure it'll be helpful in my journey.
    As well, I started again to do cold showers. Today will be my third in a row. I watched some Wim Hof videos, it's very motivating.
    As a lot of guys here, I know and have experienced the benefits of cold showers, that's why I'll stick to it for at least 30 days, increasing progressively their lengths (I started with 30" cold at the end of each shower, for 7 days. Then the next week 1' etc). With high speed internet information has never been so much available. We all know a huge amount of things, but who apply and stick to them? The key in being successful in whatever field we want to improve is perseverance. One thing at a time, day after day until it becomes natural to do (whatever goal it is: eating healthy, working out, meditate etc).
    One of my biggest mistake last week during my PMO sessions alone at home was to not come here and post, read your journals to get motivation and support. This place is just amazing. You guys have given me so much strength, motivation and good advices. I'm really happy to have come across this web site three years ago.
    One of my main improvements, I think, during this wonderful trip, is to have learnt not to beat myself up after a relapse. I've relapsed a lot of times in three years but I'm completely ok with that nowadays. I really realize and understand that, ok, I fell, but as long as I don't give up I'm still on my way to get better. That's why even after my last week binge I wasn't ashamed or felt guilty. It just occurred. This doesn't cancel all the good work I've achieved till now. This is life, with its ups and downs.
    I have more to write here but no time for now.
    Strength to all, my friends, and thank you to be here!
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2019
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  12. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    You dont fail you learn!:)
     
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  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Sounds good! It interesting that books of this era have titles that combine a bit of science (psycho) and technology (cybernetics). I read a book at the beginning of my journey, one that I was well-aware of for ages, called "Transactional Analysis." Techno-science in the title, again. What I find about reading is that so long as it isn't taking the place of us actually doing an action then it can be quite informative. From "Transactional Analysis" I learned that my wife and I would often act like two year olds when we were fighting. It described a certain dynamic in my relationship very well. When I stopped responding to my wife when she became a toddler a lot of conflict just ended.

    I think at the crux of all these books is: the brain is plastic. Even before science caught up with neuroplacticity, many understood intuitively that neurons that fire together, wire together. Sweeping the floor, when done mindfully can actually change our brains. Watching our posture, how we stand, how we sit, can change how we perceive ourselves. It's all terribly exciting! :)
     
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  14. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    You're totally right @Saville. Brain plasticity. Mindfulness... I'll do my best to read understand and apply the book's advices.

    Yesterday I came back to work. I've worked out with Narcisse and a colleague at noon. I showed her that I didn't give a dawn if she was here or not and that I prefered to stay with my male colleague. So she started to workout alone on the side doing girls stuff, but after 5' she came back saying she hates to be alone lol. Then I was still quite distant and she was sad that I didn't eat with her as I used to after the workout. A new girl, Asian one, integrated our team. I organized a 1h meeting with her to explain the job, technical environment etc. She looks very smart that's very good. I'm not attracted at all to her, which is a very good point! It finally lasted 1.30h and Narcisse, as she didn't find me, was complaining, after I told her I was my my new female colleague, that I prefered the Asian one to her, that I no longer wanna eat with her bla bla bla and Narcissist BS.... So my strategy continues, little by little, to be less and less with her, it's life changing. Even if I still hug her quickly when I see her in the morning, I'm no longer hoping for it like crazy, being excited like a rookie before the NBA draft :D

    I had sex with my wife this last Saturday afternoon. Then I had a quick nap. And after I woke up I banged her another time. She often O twice but in the same intercourse. For once we did it twice, I O'ed two times then, but her only the first time, she was full and get her load as she told me :p One little but amazing thing is that she did start, which almost never occur in the past, to kiss me tenderly, like never before. Things are getting better a'd better with her finally. There are still a lot a things I don't mention here for now regarding her problems but it's still going forward ;) (as long as I take care of myself and improve)

    I already mentioned that we only have sex once a week, Friday or Saturday night, and that she has her menstruation during around 10 days. So I can only O around three times a month. I've decided to change my mind about that. I used to complain not to have enough sex till now. Some years ago it was far worse that this. We only had sex once in a while, due to different reasons. Now it's kind of our weekend habit, I nowadays see that as a good occasion to get full of energy. We've read and talk a lot here about semen retention and I think it's a good balance to, finally, have sex, so O, around 3 times a month (before I master @Bobo's Sex king and Semen retention Grand Master's techniques:p). As long as I avoid PMO and MO I am convinced that I'll get more energy then. Taoist books advice to O every 10 days max when you're 40, which I think is OK. Of course I'd like to have more sex, more O but it's a vicious circle IMO, it's like money, the more you get the more you want. One should appreciate what he has instead of being focused and complain about what he doesn't have.
    It's my 5th day completely clean, I mean no PMO and no MO, plus 5th day in a row of cold shower, I feel good!:)
    Have a great day, brothers!
     
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  15. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Awesome you're getting there. While thinking can work against you you're using it to you're advantage. Rock on bro!
     
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  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Lots of great things happening in your life, Outsider! :) Just a word of caution though. When we aren't PMO'ing/MO'ing our male attractiveness begins to emerge. This may make your work colleague, Narcissus, try some new strategy. I think you also need to ditch all physical contact with her...this is a slippery slope.

    I'm not good looking, I'm fat and bald, but even I started getting some attention from women when I stopped PMO.

    Great stuff!
     
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  17. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member



    A busy day sorry about the delay in answering. This post has been on my mind all day. I think Saville is correct here. Remember women are schooled in guile and manipulation by their mothers. She has been " neutralized " ! She may just move on or she may decide to deviate and devise a new plan. Especially since you have a new exciting " smell " to use the animal kingdom model. I dont think this is as far fetched as one might think BTW. At any rate be careful but being i n the " arena" is good for you. You will have to do it for the rest of your life nes- pa?What's guile and manipulation armed like you are with no pmo and a devastating new cologne!:cool:
     
  18. Gilgamesh

    Gilgamesh Seize the day

    Great to see that you are solving this issue with too little sex with your wife on the one hand and the attractive colleague on the other hand.

    I am also not keen on using the masturbation excercises from 'the multilrgastic man', but lately I have just tried the 'big draw' excercise whenever I felt a bit of arousal. I feel that is also really helpful already and a good way to excercise it before trying it with your partner. Yesterday when I did it (squeeze PC muscles, tilt head forward, breath in, pull up stomach, and imagine energy flowing from your package up your spine), I felt the arousal go away and a tingling feeling in my lower back.
     
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  19. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    You're totally right. I'm on vacation till next Monday, so I will start to only kiss her on the cheek next week, no hugs anymore, and when she gets use to it, less and less kiss in the morning, smoothly, as usually ;)
    Thank you for the wise advice!
    Yup I hope she'll find another toy who'll please her and tell her how cute and sexy she is, almost all the males in my company would like to bang her ;)
    If not, I'll become more a'd more distant, finding excuses to see her less and less.
    Good job @Gilgamesh! I'll try the exercises which don't require to M as well ;)
    Today was bank holiday in France. As I was on call, but at home, my wife and kids spent the afternoon with my mother and sister in law at the park. So.... Alone at home.... But I told me I won't screw myself up, and I kept my word :cool: I cleaned the house for almost 3 hours, cooked me a good meal, and took my cold shower. I'm waiting for them now they should arrive shortly. Little but important victory for me, I'm proud of me. :)
     
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  20. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Yes!! Good on you.
    That always feels right, doesn't it?
     

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