Learning about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Outsider., Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Very busy day at work, which is a very good thing, no idle time, so no time for fantasy!
    When I arrived at work this morning I just say hello to "Narcisse" (Lol, this nickname is because of you @Saville ) via our professional chat, she answered, then we had a very short and casual conversation. No more.
    Then I had a meeting, and she was here, but it was Ok.
    We worked out together, with other guys, at noon, as we use to, but I was released, seeing her as another person, as an ordinary lambda girl. Didn't fantasize while watching her ass during the workout (I was quite distant, not watching at her for once, focusing on my workout, it's as if she wasn't here. She went close to me to to core exercices, kind of pushed me with her ass, to "play", but I didn't react.
    Then during coffee time, while we usually kiss and hug, searching to be alone together, she asked me to get a coffee, I accepted, but called my colleague, so no intimacy haha :)
    In the afternoon, as I want a smooth and "natural" transition to get rid of her, I've sent her a casual quick chat, she answered, and then I continued my work. It's as if she feels I'm no longer attracted to her. I think and guess she'll soon react to that (getting distant or closer, let's see!), but I'm sure I'll manage it well. Sent a quick goodbye chat and that's all for today.
    I'm no longer obsessed to her, thinking about her all day long, and begging for tenderness and pitiful dregs.
    I'm very happy how things changed since your wise advises @Saville and @Bobo it's life changing! Thank you so much again!
    I MO'ed this week-end, but it was during the Mantak Chia exercices, which I'll no longer do, too much triggers, I'm not ready yet (trying to stop to M just before to O etc). I'll just continue my Kegel exercices, no more.
    I'm PMO free since 1 week now, good to be back on the horse!
     
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  2. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Yup you the man ! You're really coming along! Good job !
     
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  3. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You're doing the necessary work, brother. :)
     
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  4. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thank you guys, your posts had been eye-opening for me! :)
    Today I managed it well with Narcisse. I'll separate from her little by little, smoothly.
    That's exactly what I tell myself as well :D
    Still very busy day at work as one of my two direct colleagues resigned, we're only two now to get things done. Even if it can be tiring, I love to work hard all day long: you only focus on doing the job, solving problem, finding new ideas, so no time at all for random web browsing, and what this leads to. b
    Busy with the kids in the morning, working out at noon, and learning and reading at home.
    It's good to find a good balance between work, family, health, and spiritual life.
     
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  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Absolutely. The word that came to my mind was poison. A trap is baited with something desirable.
    You're right @outsider to walk....no run away :eek:
     
  6. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks @Boxer17 i need to remember that because the girl is really very sexy, but she's only finally claws hidden by nail polish, a no future attractive mirage. I must stay strong and do my best not to succumb to her temptation (even if there is no sex but it's devastating anyway for me). I want to control my mind and thoughts, I don't want to think with my penis anymore.
    I'll be on holidays this Friday, for one week, so will she, so I won't see her every day at work, which is a very good news.
    Regarding P, I didn't watch since my last PMO session 10 days ago. No MO since 4 days. I've been PMO and MO free for several months last year so I can manage to be clean again. I will preserve my semen, which is literally a huge amount of energy. I do need to keep that energy inside me, and not to waste it in the toilets or on the ground.
    The most precious asset in Earth, for me, is ME! I don't wanna corrupt myself anymore. I've turned 40: wisdom and perseverance should and will be my leitmotiv. I do have my faults, but I also have good qualities I must not forget that.
    Strength to all!
     
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  7. Reading this last page has been helpful to me, thanks. I have been with women who are outwardly brash and flirtatious and in the moment it was fun. Or so I thought with my penis. Hey, this is also how women behave in P. Go figure, I'm drawn to that. However, I have been with these real women and they're fucked up and insecure like me. This motivates the flirty. That desire for that outside validation. It's certainly the motivation for my own flirtations. There's more here to unpack for me, but maybe I'll do that in my own journal. Seriously, this has me thinking. Thanks.

    EDIT: Also, thanks for the reminder that I've been clean for a number of months before as well. I can do this. I keep looking back at that period as a failure because I'm struggling again, but damn it, I can do it again. There's proof.
     
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