Learning about myself

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Outsider., Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 13 ###

    Hi all,
    I'm a brand new member here.
    I married and have several children
    Started (P)MO at around 12/13 years old.
    I read some motivational posts from recovered guys, and particularly this one:
    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0
    He's right. We should'nt focus on our craves, erections etc... The problem is deeper than that. All these are only consequences.
    I've been in NoPMO mode since 22nd of january.
    I had a a real and amazing declic when:
    1. I (finally) realized that my erections wasn't as hard they should be. While I'm very excited before intercourse, my penis isn't growing up the way it should...
    2. I started PMO even at work. Several times a day rushing into the toilets to PMO via my Wifi / Mobile connexion ...
    It was too much, so I (finally) realized that I had a serious problem with P watching and M.
    I feel more excited in front of a XXX Web site than in the real life, even with a very gorgeous woman!!!

    So I started to read your posts (thank you all for sharing your journals, advices, mood etc), and decided to "simply" forget about Porn.
    From now I'll use my time in a far better way, learning new things, continuing working out, reading and try to have the more fun I can.

    Determined!
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
    thedrownedworld likes this.
  2. SRL

    SRL Member

    Re: DETERMINED to get rid of PMO

    Glad to see you making the big leap, Outsider! You've come to the right place. Hang in there! The first thirty days SUUUUUUUUCK, but after that, it ain't no thing. You got this! :)
     
  3. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks a lot 2AqutHUq, I need to share my progress, thoughts, moods, and hopes. I need advices from good old rebooters/recovered to help me. I know won't be able to do it only by myself.
    I feel alone with that problem. I can't even imagine speaking about it to my wife, I might be a disaster.
    Weirdly, it is the very first time in my life I feel like that: I am more determined than never as I realized for the first time the bad effects on me. And it has finally been easy not to PMO for the last 14 days (!!!) ... Really hope I'll stay in this state of mind.
    What could you advice me to keep it on 2AqutHUq? I'll take some time to read your journal anyway, I'm very new here.
    Thanks for your help (800+ days, Waw! Great Job bro')
     
  4. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 15 ###

    Still DETERMINED!
    I didn't watch any pics or hot video for 15 days now, and also no M ;D
    I had my first intercourse today since I began my reboot, it was amazing!
    My penis was far longer, thicker and harder. My wife noticed it directly, she was so estonished and surprised!!!
    I think it is not yet at its climax, but only at 85%. I guess that when I'll reach 1 or 2 complete months without PMO I'll reach the top.
    So this is a very noticeable difference, in only 15 days!!! Craaaazy!
    But this is only a (good) symptom that the things are going better. I'll continue to think in a positive way, to LIVE MY LIFE as I should live it, to FEEL the things and appreciate them.
    It motivates me like never before !
    Keep going on!
    I want to thank the UnderDog for his extremly good advices.
    Peace out!
     
  5. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 18 ###

    Still motivated. Things are getting better and better, even inside my own family (wife and children). My wife is more tender than ever with me. I just touched her hand this week-end when we were in our bed (she's in her menstrual period) and it was veeeery pleasant for both of us. I experienced that only in the very begining of our marriage, 12 years ago!
    I really realize, decades after the beggining of this addiction, that there was a grey cloud inside my brain, preventing me from LIVING, FEELING simple and pleasant things.
    It is as if I've never lived before this new reboot. I'm discovering new things and feelings. I'm less nervous with my children (before I used to directly shout on them for nothing :-\)
    I really feel and hope that this is only the very beggining of my new REAL life. For the moment I'm Ok without any tentation and need/want to watch P, but I must be very carefull, and not be too confident. But I really FEEL and "KNOW" that, for the very very first time of my life, I will really succeed in getting rid of PMO.
    According to what UnderDog said, if I relapse once (but only with M, not P I hope), it won't mean that I lost everything and that I'll start from scratch.

    Let's stand as one, and motivated, and let's give us good advice to get rid of this and start our new real life, it's never too late my bro's.
     
  6. jnv

    jnv Active Member

    Re: New start | Amazing changes only after the first 15 days ...

    Hi there and welcome on board Outsider.

    You seem to be up for a really good start. Keep up the good work and much success in your reboot!
     
  7. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thank you Jnv, it's good to no longer feel alone and to share that.
    Keep going on too!
     
  8. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 22 ###
    I'm very sick, powerful flu, thanks to God it reinforce me not to be attempted, so it has been even easier since the last 4 days with this illness. Morning woods have gone, but because of the flu I guess, but this is really not a problem. Still realizing the bad things PMO has done to me, I don't even want to watch this b******t. I take care of my children and wife, so everything is OK, thanks to The Almighty. I'm even wondering how I was struggling so much in the past the veeeeery few times I reached 21 days... In my head, I "just" don't think about it. When images come in my head, I just think about my little growing ED, and this goes away by itself.
    Thank you my Lord.

    Next news soon. Keep going on my bro's, it really worth it.
    The Outsider.
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
  9. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 26 ###

    Still a little bit sick, but I feel better and less tired.

    No longer morning woods since I got ill but I don't care. I had sex with my wife on saturday night, I was good and I was harder, bigger and longer ...

    Still motivated not to PMO. Never again. I wasted enough time, energy and vital seed those last decades. I just STOP and try not to think about it.

    Have a good day all my rebooters. Keep going on.
     
  10. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 28 ###

    Less sick. This morning MW were back. Never achieved 28 days so "easily" in my all life.

    As already said, the MAIN difference compared to the past experiences is that my brain really realized that PMO was the cause of all my problems (ED, brain fog etc ...).

    So as, from what I see, it has understood the very nefast consequences of PMO, I think (and hope!) this is the reason why I'm not struggling like all the previous attempts.

    I really feel (and hope) that's THIS ATTEMPT IS THE GOOD ONE.

    Keep going on.
     
  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 32 ###

    I'm actually preparing my "new life vision". To really get rid of P, we must have real goals in the differents domains of or lives:
    . Health
    . Spiritual
    . Work
    . Husband
    . Father
    . Personal (Personal development etc...)
    ...
    ...

    I'll take my time to set goals to each of those domains, and I'll write them down and will do my best to reach them.

    So, from now, I'll focus on those primordial things, which are the base to recover, instead of talking/writing about P, M, and just abstaining from them.

    This is a serious ADDICTION, so we must consider that, it's not just a question of abstaining. We must find and cure the root cause, not the symptoms/consequences.

    Me must LIVE and FEEL things, instead of just trying to "get busy" to forget P. There is a huge difference between these two aspects.

    Let's focus on our lives, let's have fun with ourselves, with our wives and kids, with our friends.

    See you soon. Keep going on, we'll succeed!
     
  12. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    re : my first journal

    ### Day 33 ### (Tuesday 23rd of February)
    Pression was tooooo hard, I started to watch some sexy videos .... Then P pics and videos ... It was really uncontrollable... I wasn't able to resist, it's was too much... Then I went to the toilets, "just to see if my erection was as hard than the last time I had sex"... And relapsed...
    The first 30 days, were, for the first time of my life, very easy, but I didn't see it coming...
    I'm no longer in the same state of mind than usually: Ok I relapsed, but I don't see it like a failure so I have to start from scratch. No. It's only a little failure in the great war against PMO. Nothing more.
    Compared to what happened in my past, the "stats" are far better : only some PMOs (those 3 last days) in a complete month without efforts. So I won't complain, blame myself etc. It will never help us to react like that, with sadness and shame ...
    I made huge progress, so relapsing doesn't mean that all my efforts are vain and useless.
    I continue my fight against PMO. It's true that it's harder (for me) to start again when you relapse (I PMO'd on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday and yesterday ...) but on an average, those replases, in the few next months, won't weight heavily.

    I noticed during this month that my voice became deeper. I had more insurrance, and the communication with my wife was far better.

    Excuse me in advance for my poor English, this is not my native language.

    Your encouragements, advices and experiences are very, very welcome to help me.

    Thank you in advance.
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2017
  13. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 4 ###

    I just watched some Gabe's videos. Very usefull.
    I also bought and started reading "Your brain on Porn". I think it's important to really know and learn what is an addiction. How the brain works (craves, rewards, dopamine etc...).
    I installed K9 on my computer at work, very good app. I'm searching a good internet filter app for android and iOS but I didn't find a really good solution... If you have something to propose me I'll appreciate.
    I entered the "P is not an option anymore" mode. My brain has to accept it even if it is and will be tough.
    My last attempt lasted 33 days, I'm very proud of it. I hope this time will be the good one.
    I waste enough time and energy with that succubus.
    I'm no longer sick (I had a long and violent flu the last 3 weeks), I start to get better. I returned to my (bodyweight) workout two days ago. I've lost 6 kg (essentially muscles) during this sickness... I have to eat and workout more to regain it and to feel better in my body.
    I try to stay busy to forget about P.
    The more difficult is at work (no restriction and monitoring, via Wifi on our mobiles phones, or wired, on our computers ...) :(
    I hope we'll order and install firewall and proxies very soon (I'm part of the IT Team...).
     
  14. jnv

    jnv Active Member

    Stay strong dude. You are doing well.
    I'm also starting to get better after being sick and I feel like I'm weak also (would have relapsed like crazy in the past because of that) and that's not the easiest period. We will go through with this. 8)
     
  15. ItsPossible

    ItsPossible Active Member

    Nice achievement with 33 days! I look up to you and hope to reach that myself. Thanks for sharing.
     
  16. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 6. ###

    Thank you Jnv and ItsPossible for your encouragements.
    Much appreciated!
    I feel far better, less weak. I have strong motivation.
    Since I started rebooting, the communication is better with my wife, it's really amazing. It's as if she "knew" that I no longer (or less, at least) PMO... This is invisible but powerfull...
    Bodyweight workout yesterday. Felt tired after a 3 weeks break, no pleasure because I was very weak, but I'll keep going on and will workout at least twice a week, I'll become as strong as before my sickness. It's important for me to feel strong, fisrt in my mind, but also in my body. Both work together.
     
  17. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    Outsider 2-Good work. 33 days is phenomenal and you are on the start of a great journey. This takes time. Time takes time. I've read a ton of posts on another site where almost every single guy shared how happy they were with "increased confidence, ease, love, deeper voice..etc etc etc." I wondered why, BUT it has been less than a month for me. Someone responded the first month sucks, and that can be very true. It has been a bit of a struggle for me, but nothing too crazy.

    Another thing you mentioned in your first post was your link to another user who mentioned that this was not the overall solution(just stopping PMO.) Porn use, M, O, Video Games, they are all symptoms of something deeper going on (this is obvious and I'm not going to get too psychological on all this.) The same is true with drugs and alcohol. We seek the booze because we are fearful or angry at our boss, or just want that good feeling etc etc..but then some of us ruin our lives with it. Same thing with porn. But, when we put the beer(porn) down we have nothing to reach for. We get angry, irritated, can only think about the porn, feel empty inside... So, what's overall solution? Action:

    Journaling is a great start.
    Exercise.
    Meditation.
    Helping Others, Helping Others, Helping Others.
    Phone calls.
    Meetings with others who have the problem. Meeting with them one on one too.
    Being a good father.
    Making amends.
    Therapy with a professional.

    Now, most of us want the quick solution..I'll stop, I'll journal and Ill exercise some more and everything will be great. Well, it helps, and many of us can stop there and have better lives, but its best to get to the root of the problem and see what is really going on.

    Finally, a note on relapsing. Some guys on here have mentioned spreadsheets. The great part about this is, say, a guy who has relapsed 6x over the course of a year. To him, he thinks 6 relapses is terrible. But, when you look at the big picture, if he's been off the PMO for 10 out of 12 months, he reaps so many of the benefits..confidence, ease, love, self love, etc etc etc..

    Keep up the good work bro
     
  18. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    ### Day 7 ###

    I spent a lot of time reading success stories of some rebooters and their good advices.
    I'm really motivated. Being able to know, at least, that I'm no longer alone, is very heartwarming.
    I have flatlines, and my wife's menstrual period is still very long (around 10 days) but I'm Ok with that. I consider it as a good thing and a part of my reboot/recover : not having a lot of O with her will make the reboot faster I guess and hope.
    I MUST be strong to get better, I and we don't have other choices to be happy without PMO.
    It's the very first time I even create an account on a forum (in any domain) but I think it's a part of the cure and it will help.
    Thank you all guys for your help and support!
    Best.
     
  19. staythecourse

    staythecourse Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if your wife knows about your mission, but if you can abstain from O for the month of March, that would be huge (no pun intended.) I suggested trying not to O in addition to no P and M, for a month.
     
  20. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Thanks for the advice. She doesn't know anything about my problem, but I'll try anyway not to have sex with her for a month (with her long menstrual period I think it could be possible).
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2019

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