Last porn use yesterday. QUIT cold turkey yesterday eve.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by breath, Jan 10, 2020.

  1. positivef

    positivef Member

  2. breath

    breath Member

    thank you very much!

    that seems unintuitiveno ('Set up your own here') after all it's set up already. Maybe I'm more of dinosaur than I thought. Or maybe it's just flaky web design..
     
  3. positivef

    positivef Member

    It's a little flaky. 'Set up your own here' makes sense if you see it at the bottom of someone else's post - it just needs a little code to detect if the post is made by the user who is logged in.
     
  4. breath

    breath Member

    My wife is mean - way too often. I'm very much a mature person who accepts the ups and down we all have and feel like it's my nature to be forgiving and accepting, but I'm not sure that I should be in this marriage... For now it wont change.
     
  5. positivef

    positivef Member

    How is she mean? Addiction can be tough on partners.
     
  6. breath

    breath Member

    Not sure if I should be married to my wife. I have put up with her meanness for 20 years. I'm tolerant and kind and forgiving by nature . I don't think everyone has to be similar. Asymetry is OK, but maybe I need to work towards independance and eventual separation. In the present I'll try to cultivate love and respect... Time will tell if it's doable.
     
  7. breath

    breath Member

    Mean as in often berats (often hypocritically so). Not sure she is resenting being monogamous with me.. I'd be fine if she didnty want that but would be happy to lovingly co-parent and find new lovers for ourselves.. We went through such a dilemma where she expressed some things - and there was something brewing with an ex of hers... Not sure if they had sex but their was the vibe between them. Whether they had sex (and this was over a year ago) we got over it. Counselling. I fear she chose not to pursue breaking up the intamacy pary - or non monogamy because she didnt want to lose me... Ifear that she is married to me because she doesn't want to lose me. Whether it's true or not not 100 percent sure. Not a flattering thought tho
     
  8. breath

    breath Member

    Re porn addiction I will contest that I'd be game to have sex with her but she rarely wants to. That I could handle if it was just simply her nature - and not her being unable to rekindle in the long term.

    I feel under appreciated especially as in feeling desired.

    We almost broke up over a year ago before the counselling. We officially did. When asked and I told her she was on a date she freaked - although it shou;dnt have been a surprise.. it was in the open and she didnt seem to care up until I actually went.. I didnt have sex but had a few nice dates. I fear her wanting to rekindle was more about not losing me. Possessing me.
    Though after we resolved to stay together things were better than ever and it felt real and goood. Maybe it was genuine. Maybe it faded since that time
     
  9. positivef

    positivef Member

    It sounds complicated as relationships usually are. It seems like after you got back together you were happier than you had been for a while, but that has now faded. Was it the same for her? Did you do anything different in that period that helped the relationship other than being back together?

    You are right she may just be scared to lose you, or just scared of change. Make sure you look after yourself.
     
    breath likes this.
  10. GreyHeron

    GreyHeron Active Member

    Breath do consider very carefully before any decision to leave your marriage. My issue with walking out of my marriage, which has similarities to what you have written about yours, is that the broken male in my current relationship will show up in the new one. Whilst my wife needs to change her attitude I am not at risk from her so my take on this is to repair my self-esteem in a challenging environment.

    Peace and every good
     
    breath and positivef like this.
  11. Dean Tosslie

    Dean Tosslie New Member

    YAY!!!! Go for it! Kick this stupid addiction out of the park. I'm with you. I tried (and failed) for a while if I'm really honest. Didn't realize the various levels it reached deep inside of me. If you ever feel you are going to hit the wall check this out.https://www.amazon.com/HOW-QUIT-POW...on+power&qid=1580760170&s=digital-text&sr=1-6
    It has a little more anonymity than most things I wanted to purchase without being found out.
     
    breath likes this.
  12. breath

    breath Member

    right on
     
  13. breath

    breath Member

     
  14. breath

    breath Member

    Gonna go offer my wife some love - worked all day.. time to hug - for no particular reason
     

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