Last chance...

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by CleanBootsBaby!, Aug 28, 2021.

  1. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Very good, hopefully I can learn from you and not give in so easily.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  2. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Well,

    to that end, I will, in the notorious words of a paper celebrity, kindly ask you to
    [​IMG] ?

    I'll race ya! Come on! Two bums, in the process of un...bumming themselves :D! Hahaha, "Bum Races""!

    *

    Day 74. Doing good. Optimistic with some developments health-wise.

    So, I'm at crossroads of some sort. I'll either stay at my current job with a significant pay increase, or I will go to a new one with new challenges and different opportunities, including moving to another city...most of these changes coming especially down the line...while taking a very very slight pay hit.

    I'm good either way. I asked the Lord for His guidance - my wisdom can carry me only so far.

    *

    I am also growing personally. I hit a new level of ability to show restraint and wisdom in the face of not-so-kind people. Watching them back down carries some personal satisfaction, won't hide that. Some women are just...terrible. And, of course, you must learn how to deal with an overflow of estrogen because accidents happen. Happy most women are better that this particular one. Btw - nothing romantic - rather at the opposite end of the spectrum (at least how she views me).

    So, anyway, a precious experience.

    Besides, I've learned that I can read people well. At least women; and with men everything is MUCH easier. I am, in a way, red pilled if you will, and BOY sometimes it feels like playing life having cheat codes on. This knowledge helps with Eve's toxic relatives...you know, those that aren't made out of "sugar, spice and everything nice" (the latter are lesser than the general public thinks).

    In the end, testosterone and logic triumphs over estrogen and "muh feelings". (But I pity the man on the lash of such a woman.)

    *

    @Eternity, as promised, here are the two very best thrash metal albums that "no one knows about":





    As for some quick recommendations for you to decide whether these offerings may be up to your liking, I'd say, from the first album, check the tracks "Dr. Hatchet" (24:40) and "Katie" (36:39).
     
    Shady likes this.
  3. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Thanks, sounds good! But it seems a bit difficult to find the albums. And I never listen to albums that I don't own, so a few songs will suffice for now.

    Hope you'll come to a decision. I don't think I'd change unless I was suffering, but that's me.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks, man. Suffering is the best incentive to change, indeed.

    So...I've got the new job. Will start it right at the beginning of 2022. It's been so many years since everything was predictable on this side for me.

    Also...77 days. Can't say "hard fought", LOL, although it would sound more...DRAMATIC! 77 days that sometimes were difficult. Most of the time, coasting mode was on. I think, in great part, because I've decided that P is no longer an option for me.

    And suffering.

    For real. I've had enough. Of P, compromises etc. Good riddance!
     
  5. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Nothing to add, just that...79 days.

    See y'all later.
     
  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    83 days.

    Guys, I am stronger than ever. Not arrogant or cocky. Stronger. It all comes from my closer walking into whom I really am, a simple Christian man. I am in accord with my identity, which is a weak, frail copy of Christ. There's indescribable joy in serving others, in staying on the right path. I find it hard to put it into words; I wish everyone would experience it.

    In the mean time, I am by no way losing my attraction towards women, but it is becoming more and more healthy. Nature is taking its course again.

    *

    Things are moving forward in my life, too. I'm about to explore yet another job offer. It could be even better than the one I am currently entertaining. It's a good time to feel alive, again. I just won't throw away this peace I've found, ever; I've invested too much into getting myself rid of hypocrisy.

    *

    Before and after quitting P :D:
     
  7. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I've forgotten totally about this change. I've told myself over and over again that how I view women is beyond repair. It shouldn't be.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    It is not beyond repair, man! It's not over for you, guaranteed.

    I've gone through the process several times. In my case, it was so obvious that P changed even my body type preference on a woman...that it was shocking when, after a while, it reverted back! Brain plasticity is both scary and wonderful at the same time!

    *

    For motivation & inspiration, the one and only, the legend:
     
  9. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    We not be giving up:



    Spirits of demons are crawling on my skin
    Lusting for power control of my mind
    Tenaciously seeking for cracks in the armor
    A place to begin their insidious crime

    Waiting in darkness
    Seething with hate for the children of light
    Waiting in silence
    They strike like a beast in the night
    Waiting in darkness
    They're longing for your and my demise

    They cannot possess me because I am filled
    But given the moments corrupt me they will
    The flesh and the spirit are constant at war
    From hell's gates to glory the battle endures

    Waiting, waiting they're waiting in darkness

    Deception temptation haunting with accusations
    Unclean spirits invisible enemies
    We fight them we bind them in Jesus' Name deny them
    Their claim to victory over our hearts our souls our minds
    Through prayer spiritual warfare

    Through your anger they fuel the fire
    Feeding off of your flesh's sinful desires
    Lies and confusion your faith put to the test
    Focusing in on all of your weaknesses
    We must be vigilant to thwart their evil plight
    Be strong in the lord and in the power of his might
    Be prepared for war

    *

    Wish I had those pipes... starting @ 2:40 :) (for context).
     
  10. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Hmm, on a very good day I might be able to do a poor man's version of that...
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  11. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    You sound increasingly cool, man. Told you I'd like you! :) I have the famed sixth sense men are know for :p.

    What's next, you sing in a band?

    *

    86 days, lads. Still no wet dream. I'm about to pass a quarter of a year without an orgasm, and, in a way, it makes me proud :p.

    Today I received some very good medical news. I'm in high spirits. It seems (more investigations to follow), but it seems that my heart won't kill me anytime soon. It surely seemed like it, for many months on end.

    Did I ever mention that I am also battling eyebrow loss, apparently for no reason? Yeah, ridiculous...for a man. I have two aesthetic caterpillars (I remember being complimented during my teens by what registered back then as "hot somewhat younger girls", LOL, for 'em...I walked away like:
    )...but many years later they are seriously thinning :(. It seems that more my research, than any help from my trichologist, found a combination of topical treatments that works. Feels good seeing dead follicles coming back from the dead.

    *



    Every Sunday morning as l sit in the morg
    Watching the sea of heads nod back and forth
    They cry how bad things have gotten in the past few years
    Then they walk out the door back to their chores
    Dead from ear to ear

    (Pre-chorus)
    You just can't go on and think that it’s all right
    Just sit back and let someone else fight
    What will it take to bring you back to life?
    To get you up and fight

    (Chorus)
    I'm gonna rattle your cage - don’t you see what’s happening here
    I'm gonna rattle your cage - your eyes are open but you just don’t care
    I'm gonna rattle your cage - you say "oh l want this world to change"
    I'm gonna rattle your cage - nothing’s gonna change if you just complain

    Politician one or politician two?
    They're gonna make it happen all for you
    Making laws you don’t believe in
    So you turn the tube off ' cause you had enough
    Back in your world again
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2021
  12. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    If it wasn't for anxiety and low confidence I think it would be cool to sing covers and upload to Youtube. I'm not very good at it but I love to sing. I think I'd be decent at karaoke?


    Well, the magical 90 days done soon, which we all know is just the warm up.
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  13. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks, man.

    Dunno, you can do it while staying anonymous. I mean, break a page out of Slipknot's book. Who knows, maybe you blow up one day! :)
     
  14. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    87 days.

    In the worst case, I'm staying pure for my God and myself.

    In the best, for my God, myself, and my future wife, wherever she may be.



    I'll take even the worst case scenario to the alternative.
     
  15. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    88 days.

    I like this number.

    See ya!
     
  16. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    More challenges in the personal life but, nonetheless, happy I took the right decisions. I feel free.



    *

    89 days. Having, each day, a new favorite number :).
     
  17. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    90 days.

    *

    I'm so down and tired at the moment with life in general, that it barely feels like an accomplishment. Well, at least I didn't lose at this chapter in my life, huh?

    Feeling like 99% wasted potential.

    I know I don't have the correct perspective in front of my eyes right now. Pretty much everyone that knows me would think I'm crazy to be in such a rut. I get more respect than I, honestly, deserve, from others.



    There's been craz day after crazy day, full of stuff to do...look here, pressure can be managed w/o PMO.

    I am glad a night awaits, I'm gonna sleep this out. Tomorrow is yet another full day, and I really really need the rest.

    *

    Stay away from PMO, guys. It's bad for you, 'mkay?
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2021
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  18. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Keep on keeping on my brother!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  19. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks, Rudolf. Appreciate it. That's exactly what I did, and I'm glad I did it.

    One needs to turn again and again to the Lord, instead of turning inwards to face monotony and misery. That makes a man egoistical and desperate, makes him think "It's over" when, in fact, he should search for answers and hope outside, from a God Whose plan he cannot comprehend from the beginning to the end and rest: As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, till he shows us his mercy. (Psalm 123:2)

    It's been 3 and a half years of testing, persevering, cleansing myself (with the final resolution that P will never ever be on my menu again)...when my health took a very bad turn back in May. Nothing like God's process of sanctification, which hurts and hurts and hurts but oh the beauty it leaves behind! I no longer recognize my old self, and it's none of my doing, other than being the clay; simply existing.

    Since May, I've suffered with something that at times made me think I'm leaving this Earth; those times I actually said my goodbyes to my family over the phone. The perspective seems grim. It's as if "life" gives me the opposite of what I "deserve" (theology time: all I truly deserve is hell :) ), while everyone that chooses the opposite: cheats, hurts others breaking families "parades" in front of me, enjoying the finest things life has to offer. I don't entertain discussions with the devil about the fairness of this existence, though, and I have a pretty well-set theology of suffering, with no need of input on his part. (Too deep of a subject to dwell in here, so there's that for now.)

    If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied. (1 Corinthians 15:19)

    But, if anyone should know...it should be me: miracles do happen. I've had my share of them when I had nowhere to turn to. This is a similar situation. So I dare say like the Psalmists:

    My flesh and my heart may fail,
    but God is the strength of my heart
    and my portion forever.
    (Psalm 73:26)

    You number my wanderings;
    Put my tears into Your bottle;
    Are they not in Your book?
    (Psalm 56:8)

    *

    Switching back to an "everyday" tone, I remember lamenting that I experienced nothing to relieve the tension. Honestly, a testicle started hurting...while I was waiting for some release.

    And it came: on the 91th day, at last, I had the tamest wet dream (no dream per-se accompanying it). Almost felt like I urinated. Zero, and I mean zero pleasure in it.

    I sometimes wonder if I'm a sexual being anymore. But, you know, I am - moreover, I have a sleeping beast inside; and I ain't the type to test it. Let sleeping dogs lie.

    *

    Back to my initial thoughts. We sometimes think, mistakenly, that adversity means God's absence. Something for the weary in that mental place:



    Hearts are falling left and right
    Children fear this planet's plight
    Fatalistic fears abound
    And take their toll without a sound
    But through the vague uncertainty - comes a bold assurity
    This world is under sovereignty - divinely ordered destiny
    He holds this world together with the Word of His power
    Safe within His hands - til its own appointed hour

    (Chorus)
    He's still got the whole world in His hands - tonight
    And only He knows where the sparrow lands - tonight
    And nothing in this world can stop His plans - tonight
    'Cause He's still got the whole world in His hands
    In His hands tonight

    Humanistic lies lament
    The holocaust is imminent
    Doomsday prophets in the news
    Predicting who will light the fuse
    The fate of His creation isn't subject to a man
    The final consummation is according to His plan

    He holds this whole world, as well as my heart beating, by the Word of His power.

    Whats' left is to persevere even more. For the prize that, in part, will be paid here (I think); and in full...then and there.

    95 days, going to...never defiling myself again.
     
  20. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Okay, this is too good not to post...

    Unless we stop treating porn like the caller did the shawarma:



    we're doomed :D.
     

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