Last chance...

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by CleanBootsBaby!, Aug 28, 2021.

  1. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    Ah, Rob takes me back to those awesome, early Avantasia albums. 6 weeks into this already, well done!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  2. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Hey CBB. Will get that off the ground when I'm back home. Thanks guy
     
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  3. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    He's an awesome vocalist. If you stumbled upon Impellitteri, chances are you've heard Rob on vocals.

    And thanks, man!
     
  4. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Right on, the struggle continues and we're all gonna make it!
     
  5. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Confident to say 45, before it even is.

    Here's another song, which I listen to for motivation...for clarity, for remembrance of what this addiction has done / does to me:



    My life, is everything
    That feeds my thirst, that causes sin
    My wants, are all I care
    No shame and guilt, there's nothing there
    Look deep, into my face
    I sell deceit, without a trace
    Fear not, what I can do
    Unless you, want it done to you, oh-ohhh!

    [Solo - Mustaine]

    As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting
    I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything
    Then I, treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in
    You pretend you didn't know, that I am a scorpion, oh
    [My comments: How many times, brehs? How many times? And how much longer?]

    My self, I'm centered in
    There's nothing else, there's never been
    And I dream, to be left alone
    With the sadness, the madness of my own
    Look deep, into my soul
    It's black as coal, like a bullet hole
    Fear not, get off your knees
    There's no defense, you'll do what I please, oh-oh!

    [Solo - Mustaine]

    As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting
    I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything
    Then I treat you like a dog, as I shoot my venom in
    You pretend you didn't know, that I am a scorpion, ohhh!

    [Solo - Mustaine]

    As I climb onto your back, I will promise not to sting
    I will, tell you what you want to hear and not mean anything
    I will, treat you like a dog as I shoot my venom in
    'Cause you knew all along I am a scorpion, yeah!

    My lies, to reach the shore
    I aggrandize, and nothing more
    My hopes, to steal away
    All that you love, I'll soon betray
    Look deep, into my past
    The pain I feel, is unsurpassed
    I'm not, a lowly scorpion
    I'm so much worse; I'm the fall of man

    *

    It fills me to the brim with repulsion...looking forward to the day when the mere thought of misusing my sexuality will make me want to throw up. Hopefully, having someone travelling along with me in life will help with that...if not,

    (in the sense it's not for me: had even much younger women batting eyelashes at me, it's not the problem of getting someone per se...but that I'm looking for a unicorn - unicorn...or bust; I'd rather deal with all the frustrations loneliness brings...alone, than with other, bigger ones...in pair), it still better happen.

    Keep doing the good thing, broskis.

    *

    The Word of God:

    Psalm 126:
    5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
    6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.


    In this life, or in the other...the season reaping will come for me, too.

    *

    Speaking of this one, as much as I disdain the false Hollywoodian narrative of the soul mate, I sometimes feel it'd take something close to that for someone to really love me. For me to live what I've seen for generations in my family. I know such women still exist, but they seem to be in the minority. A woman that can love a man like a man can love a woman - unconditionally. Not based on "what you can do for me" - forgive me for even calling that "love". (You haven't been around enough women if you don't know what hot messes they can be - and still think they're all made out of everything nice. God have mercy on your soul if a Delilah gets her hands on you - given time, even apparently well-adjusted ones will surprise you when the mask falls off. Get around one that becomes obsessed by you, and see her frustration when she can't trap you; prepare for quite a ride of manipulation, deception, threats. Truly, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.")

    In other words, the proverbial needle in the haystack is what I need. (Should I start playing the Lottery, too? :D) I'm fine not finding it. More of me to give to God.

    Taking it to the limit:


    *

    My friend that I mentioned before, battling another addiction, is doing GREAT! Very proud of him. Happy to hold his hand along the way. Not only did he give up sugary drinks, he started exercising lightly and eating very healthy.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2021
    mikehunt likes this.
  6. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Ignoring what is now obviously spam (after reporting it, though :D), quick check-in for my 50th day. This counter motivates me. (Since the last post I was tempted once (an old favorite actress), but nah...I'm not going back, fam. In fact, a few moments ago, as the temptation to just M was working again in my mind - I decided to come here instead and glad I did: I like that nice, round number.)

    Excuse my French...I'm "full" and would very much appreciate a release. Hoping the "automatic" one happens sooner than later...so, yeah, experiencing somewhat of a sexual frustration.

    There were other many frustrations during the previous days...coming in in droves...however, these did not chip at my resolve to continue doing the right thing. I know sometimes there's a bad spirit that hates us behind a never-ending stream of things going wrong, to where it becomes ridiculous. There were clear spiritual connections to the whole thing. However, I am interested in my transformation (this is why I put in the work), in my spiritual betterment...simply staying true to whom I want to be, always...so I'm not going where I used to hang before.

    Anyone interested in some top-notch power metal (with a very good, well-fitting message on top)? Behold:



    A child in sweet duplicity
    For innocence? Or slavery to nature
    And the bents that haunt him straight out of the womb?
    He doesn’t have to learn the things unseemly that his instinct brings
    To carry like a burden from the cradle to the tomb
    You’ll never have to teach him how to lie
    If we are born in innocence, well, don’t you wonder why?
    For selfishness already dwells inside
    The birthright of Adam, the curse of the old man

    Day and night
    Jekyll and Hyde in the fairytale
    This is much more frightening
    Darkness and light
    Feed the new man and tear the veil
    See the old man dying

    Behold the loving family man
    Who tries to do the best he can
    And loves his wife and children even more than his own life
    But just like that, a wandering eye leads to a suffocating lie
    And selfishness and deep betrayal cuts them like a knife
    If mankind doesn’t have a sinful drive
    Then tell me why he’d wreck his life to get some on the side?
    The warring of two natures deep inside
    Starving the new keeps the old man alive

    Day and night
    Jekyll and Hyde in the fairytale
    This is much more frightening
    Darkness and light
    Feed the new man and tear the veil
    See the old man dying

    Soul-sickness nailed to a cross

    Day and night
    Jekyll and Hyde in the fairytale
    This is much more frightening
    Darkness and light
    Feed the new man and tear the veil
    See the old man dying

    Day and night
    Jekyll and Hyde in the fairytale
    This is much more frightening
    Darkness and light
    Feed the new man and tear the veil
    See the old man dying

    Humankind in innocence, a lie so thinly veiled
    Man born without soul-sickness: this is the fairytale
    Hide in the fairytale

    *

    Guys, keep fighting the good fight. Do it for your sake. Care enough about yourself to follow your best interest.
     
  7. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Feeling energetic today. I will confidently make the 51 day post like a few hours in advance.

    Random thoughts and whatnot.

    If we only did the good with the same abandon we do the depraved things, we'd be hollering already from the "promised land". Repeat, repeat, repeat the good deed...and it becomes second nature. Don't feed the "bad wolf", and it will die.

    I don't like a beautiful woman any less than I did before I decided enough's enough with the compromises. I simply love myself more than any. And the paradox...the paradox is that:
    1. you become more attractive to the opposite sex this way (seen it again and again);
    2. you get in a place where you can actually keep a healthy relationship, if it's meant to be.

    Given how low the bar is set today when it comes to purity, you'll be ahead of the curve...better chances to find that "unicorn" and keep her.

    But firstly...this is for you. So that when you look yourself in the mirror you can respect yourself.

    *

    Some old favorites with a new album out:



    He made the man from clay - Gave him the perfect way
    For him to live in Eden all his days
    He gave the breath of life - And made the man a wife
    So he could take the loneliness away

    He gave authority over everything
    To the man and the one He called Eve
    They promised to obey everything he would say
    And they were promised an eternity

    From somewhere in the grass he came
    To take their innocence away

    Somethings’ goin on down in Evie’s Little Garden
    Somebody said they saw a snake
    Hells’ breaking loose down in Evie’s Little Garden
    And there’s gonna be some hell to pay –
    There ain’t no garden anymore – There ain’t no garden any more

    She saw him forge a grin – and thought she’d made a friend
    As they conversed about the tree of life
    He seemed so polite and made her take a bite
    And Adam blamed it all upon the wife

    He cursed the woman with birth and said, “You’ll work the earth
    In the end, you’re both gonna die…”
    The man was so ashamed cause now he shared the blame
    And he’d regret it for the rest of his life

    Somewhere the serpent held his grin
    He’d introduced the world to sin
    Somethings’ goin on down in Evie’s Little Garden
    Somebody said they saw a snake
    Hells’ breaking loose down in Evie’s Little Garden
    And there’s gonna be some hell to pay –
    There ain’t no garden anymore – There ain’t no garden any more
     
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2021
  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Feeling tried and sexually frustrated today. Everyone wants something from me...and...I am just tired.

    So many things going wrong in my life...have been for years. Mainly health issues. Seems like a continuous stream of misfortunes of various kinds (including health), day after day.

    No matter how bad things are, I can make them bad...we all know how. I am fallible, God is good no matter what.

    Clocking in some measly 56 days.

    Out!
     
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  9. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Hang in there brother.

    Surely he took up our pain
    and bore our suffering,
    yet we considered him punished by God,
    stricken by him, and afflicted.
    But he was pierced for our transgressions,
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
    the punishment that brought us peacewas on him,
    and by his wounds we are healed.
     
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  10. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thank you very much! I am hanging on...not my gloves up! :D

    Best words you could've told me. Isaiah 53 is my favorite chapter in the Bible.

    The Lord provided encouragement from another sister in Christ...indeed, He does not forget us.

    It corrects our perspective of our own suffering, when we see His own. Our definition of things "not being fair", when contrasted with the unfairness that He willingly took upon Himself.

    *

    Now you keep pushing on yourself, okay? I, too, fought some urges...had to turn off my phone etc. It's never a good idea to play with fire. No, it's not "my right" to take what "I am rightfully missing". I know very well what the right thing is, during this season, for me to do.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2021
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  11. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Oh, this evening, it'll be 59 days. It feels like only yesterday it was a full month.

    What I need to do is to run an airtight ship. I have contemplated temptations more lately. I had to stop myself from compromising. That is not good. I felt the familiar wind of failure in my wings...and no, I don't want to live that feeling of dread again. Having to pick myself up off of the floor...not!

    I have a beautiful thing going on here. Besides, I don't think a release during sleep is that far in the future. So, take heart, poor me! :D

    Keeping in mind how small my overall contribution is...I owe it to others as well to show it can be done. I know how much motivation it is for me to see others' high counters. Just observe the serenity in those peoples' posts!

    *

    A song from the perspective of the demon that has lost control over a Christian (could be Wormwood's (of Lewis' "The Screwtape Letters"' fame) confession:



    Some sobering lyrics: https://genius.com/The-brave-creep-lyrics .
     
    -Luke- likes this.
  12. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I've experienced this time acceleration after the first month. Maybe it's because the addiction takes up less focus. But maybe that's also why I tend to lose it around then.

    Don't give in, it's not worth it.
     
  13. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    You could be right about the possible causes of time acceleration, as you name it. It's better to have it flow like a lazy river, than do something stupid and then attract drama like a torrent, LOL! Probably leading simple, straight lives is sometimes an odd concept to us. Honestly, I have no idea.

    As for the last phrase, truth, my friend! I enjoy the company of like-minded individuals. Yes, I do know it, but yes, it helps to read it again every once in a while.

    Re-calibrated...hands on the plow and not looking back as if something has been lost. Brain trying to play some neat tricks on us...
     
  14. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Time to celebrate 60 days. Not too shabby, man...

    Feeling quite good about myself today. Had a good interview. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere, I still regard it as an excellent experience. Have a well-paying job right now anyhow...so...we'll see.

    Some classic metal for the occasion (@Eternity, the promised thrash metal another day; feeling much too energetic - in a "classic" heavy metal way :) - at the moment):


    *

    Look at all the damage that he's brought upon the earth
    His angry body coils in the sand
    Stinging poison he spits on the hopeless ones in chains
    The blood of all the dead are on his hands
    Yes I remember clearly when he had me in his grip
    The promises that blossomed into lies
    Many still afflicted by the torment of his whip
    Not knowing that he'd be there till they die
    He said, "I'll exalt myself above the stars of God,
    And I will be just like the Most High"
    Swollen in rebellion he awoke the wrath of God
    And tumbled down like lightning from the sky
    A fool in all his glory to think he'd overtake
    The One who made the heavens in a day
    Spewing accusations out with his tongue of hate
    Against the children of the promised way

    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, crushing his head!

    One day the King of Kings will put him in an endless pit
    And lock it up tight for a thousand years
    The Alpha and Omega will begin His reign on earth
    And crushing into pieces ancient fears
    He'll receive all glory high upon His mighty throne
    All nations bowing down in reverent praise
    tears of joy and laughter will be our new place and home
    Our enemy is doomed in a firey blaze!

    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast
    Killing the Beast, Killing the Beast, crushing his head!

    *

    God bless you, guys. Continue doing the right thing. Go kill your own beast. Rebel against the parasite that eats you alive...

    Push, push, push...tears and sweat...it's all worth it...
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2021
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  15. Eternity

    Eternity Patience

    I like that there's no pressure about finding a new job, makes the process much easier I think. I don't make that much personally, but even if I save half of the salary, I can still get plenty of new music. So a new job is mainly a quality of life improvement.

    That said, good luck!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  16. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Yes! Then, it's more of "your market", than of the recruiter's.

    Oh, I'm not an Arab sheikh either. But, even from what you say, it seems you're doing better than many. That's not shabby at all!

    I wish you to get an even more satisfying one, one of these days.

    Thanks, my friend! Appreciate it.
     
  17. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    68 days. Yep, it's that much since I had a wet dream, also. I envy those that get a release sooner.

    Temptations come and go. Had to stop myself from using "alternatives" to P. I know better than that.

    I also felt tempted to M to past memories of way back when I had a smoking hot wife. As frustrating as it is, that is not allowed, either.

    One day at a time, gents.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2021
    BoughtWithBlood likes this.
  18. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    70 days. Non-related troubles tight on my heels :).

    I need to push through everything. Including the most bitter disappointments.

    God sets the standard, not I.
     
  19. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Grats on 70 days!!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  20. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Thanks, brother.

    And congrats on your 3 days. We cannot tell, maybe they were harder fought for than my 70...err 72 ones!
     

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